So... what to say about my second proper TS meet...?
Well, the first I remember of it was the alarming moment in the early hours of Saturday morning, when it turned out other people WERE joining me at Bradford Travelodge, as I found out when a receptionist let Sam, John and others into the room where I was already asleep. Suffice to say, I was confused and disorientated for a good few minutes, but suitably glad to see everyone (and save on the room cost!) after that -and despite the 7AM alarm call allowing us to enjoy the questionable joys of a McDonalds breakfast, I still slept quite well
On a similar subject, while I'm not convinced Sam would agree with me, I quite enjoyed being a driver last weekend - it was the first time I'd driven north of Burnley, which probably showed, but everyone seemed to see the funny side of my numerous cock-ups [the Flamingoland car park incident WASN'T my fault, but whoever it was marked their own car considerably more than mine], whereas trips with a certain previous group did HORRIBLE things to my confidence! Anyways, I already felt included - and by Sunday evening, I DID miss having someone to keep my iPod in order - 'Never be Vekoma', 'Back on the PMBO', 'Roland, I'm in love' and 'I love it when Mack call' to name but a few were an excellent way of keeping me awake and sane on the tragic A64 with its many horseboxes! Any future meet-up where you can cope with countless missed turn-offs and my questionable taste in music, you're welcome back in the Clio of SIGH
So, onto Flamingoland then - this was my first visit since Summer 2009, and my memories of the place were hazy at best - I couldn't quite put my finger on why I'd not been back in so long; surely it couldn't be THAT bad, right?
Wrong, alas. I was looking forward to both days of this trip, and tried to approach Flamingo with an open mind, but by the time I'd passed through the rather lacklustre entrance (good work on the 3 for 2, by the way) any vestiges of optimism had vanished, and over the course of the day, Flamingo slowly reclaimed its place as my least favourite UK park.
A short highlights list would consist of Flip Flop (a rare flat ride with a ride cycle long enough to actually satisfy, meaning the slow moving queue was at least worthwhile), Cliff Hanger (still one of the country's better tower rides, but... would be so much better if it was run properly!) and the Dinosaur area - it looked VERY half-finished, but if they do it properly, it'll be a rare NICE bit of the park; I quite enjoyed the skyflyer and Twistosaurus as well, and while the Little Monsters dark ride thing is in dire need of some TLC, it wasn't nearly as bad as I'd been led to expect, and had the added bonus of getting us out of the relentless Yorkshire sun (yeah, you read that right!) for a while. The weather was good (maybe a little too good, but I came close to continuing my 7 year streak of never having seen rain at Flamingo) and the park wasn't horrendously busy considering - we managed to avoid queuing over half an hour for anything, which wasn't bad. Rolling back on the other kiddie coaster was another memorable moment, but while I thought it was hilarious, I DIDN'T appreciate a parent shooting us a filthy look and walking off muttering to her children about how selfish it was for grown-ups to ride family rides without a child. It was tempting to point out I'd paid the same admission charge as her, even if she DIDN'T understand the concept of ridecounts!
As for the rest of the park, it's difficult to address gently, so I'm not going to try - I think the major problem is that it all HURTS, and not in the Ultimate's characteristic way either. Kumali may not be bad for an SLC, but that doesn't mean it's not bad for a coaster - it's been rough since it opened, and the last 4 years had clearly been even less kind to it than they had to me - 1 ride was enough, and the nicest thing I can say is that it was at least over quickly.
Mumbo Jumbo, I disliked in its opening year and hasn't exactly improved either - I'm sure it's got its fans, but I just don't *get* it - hangtime is bad, and so are S&S restraints on a coaster, add that to a string of elements that just don't seem to flow and an unforgivably rough final sector and, well...
Worse still was Velocity - try as Zoe might to persuade us otherwise, the fact remained that that coaster has more rattles than a spoiled toddler. Again, uncomfortably rough, with an undesirable riding position and... basically lacking in any redeeming features.
The Mine Ride is a coaster not even its parents could love, and it gave me more bruises than the Ultimate did. I think that just leaves Zooom! and while you could argue I perhaps approached it with unrealistic expectations, and I'm not exactly its target audience, it's rare I've been quite so BORED by a coaster, and I didn't get to 307 without riding my fair share of family coasters! Family suspended coasters, yes, even the newer Vekoma models, aren't bad at all, and yet we end up with this travesty with its ironic exclamation mark and its excessive number of vowels, and that makes me a little bit cross. Even the credit whore in me is, at this point tempted to slowly and carefully explain the concept of quality over quantity to Flamingoland.
I notice there’s a couple of obvious rides I’ve not mentioned – I’m aware that all green water aside, Lost River Ride is on the jewels in Flamingo’s sparsely populated crown, and though I’ve only been on it once, I remember liking the interaction with the zoo (which is hopefully better than the park, I’ve only been in once, and didn’t feel strong enough to return for sentimental reasons) and alas, thanks to the queue length and Flamingo’s trademark catastrophic throughput, we didn’t fancy our chances! As for Splash battle, in a cruel twist of fate, it was down for maintenance for much of one of the days when guests were in the greatest need of wetting; only Sam was brave enough to venture into either of the water based playgrounds, infested as they were with minimally clad children.
So, not pretty, but there you have it; a stark contrast with the report I wrote after my last Flamingo visit (and a few thousand words shorter, though I could probably fill those with reasons why the park needs more shaded areas, or just rage induced keyboard mashing now I remember the stupid sandwich shop was out of bacon, and a chicken and bacon sandwich is just not the same without!) yet probably a good deal more accurate – more accurate than a lot on tripadvisor too, for that matter.
And yet, I should probably add, despite the multiple sins of the park now known as ‘Stupid’ Flamingoland since I gather Hero opened just THREE days too late for me to get the cred, it wasn’t a bad day. I gather it was an oddly small group for a TS meet, and seemed quite a random mix of members as well, with a handful I’d not met before but got to know better as the day wore on – Hayden seemed on a worryingly similar wavelength to me, I’m sure Sam would love to see Craig again, and Zoe’s sense of humour (and… frankly tragic coaster opinions!!) added a lot. I think I probably spoke to everyone else at some point, even if some people seemed a little unsure of what to make of me; believe it or not, I’m fairly inoffensive once you get used to me, but perhaps I have an unfortunate habit of hiding my initial shyness behind a loud, mildly obnoxious facade?
Anyway, as you’ve perhaps gathered, Hero or no Hero, it’ll be a while before I’m back in Kirby Misperton (perhaps it’s time Flamingo went back on ‘the B&M list’?!) – but although I may have just spent an hour or so gleefully ripping the place apart, I’ve done much of it with a smile on my face. Maybe it wasn’t as good as some of the other TS days I’ve had already this season, and maybe there weren’t as many standout memorable moments (though I’ve just remembered the Harvester, where there were a fair few, and not just the waitress with the Smiler pen. And extra bacon) as usual – it was still more fun than I’d have had at home - there weren't 2 creds there either! As I rather oddly wrote in a university essay, ‘the world inhabited by the coaster aficionado is one in which mediocrity frequently outweighs brilliance’, and if ever there were proof, then Flamingoland is it.
As for Lightwater, it was a MUCH better day – but I don’t want to get the Eagle’s Creek Farm song in my head at bedtime, so maybe I’ll tackle that one tomorrow
Also, thanks for reminding me the coaster kingdom reviews exist - keeping myself entertained re-reading those, and as you might be able to tell, his writing style's always been a bit of an influence
