Why, the I Feel Down Topic?

[VickyLeigh83]

I'm still fairly new here, so I don't want to to step on anyone's toes. However I have seen this type of thread on other forums. It may be fairly unusual on this type of forum, but I would like go think that we all have somewhere to go if we need to. As Sazzle said a problem shared is often a problem halved, no matter what the issue may be. I have made some amazing friends on various forums over the years and I would like to think that this one will be the same.

 

[delta79]

The original post was interesting, and would work if you had the right type of problem for that method. Unfortunately, most members have underlying issues that don't fit into this methods way of working.

I would love to sort my problems out, I would love this method to show me the way. But alas, its not meant to be.

Now when i first join this community, it was already formed. And it took me a bit to settle in, most member post in the same way, be it a old friend or new member. Once you work out who is who, and what their posting style is like, its a good community.

I have never met anyone one this forum in real life, but as you say we care for each other, very much at times. this was shown in the mass migration from one forum to this one.

No one here fully knows my issues, as it is a public domain. I don't know if mistake is the right word but i will use it anyway.
I made a mistake during a crisis point and PM a light hearted agony uncle account on another forum (some of you know it), with a good chunk of my issues. putting it mildly caused distress to the team running the account. (a couple people here are now having flash backs )

umm, after that tangent back to the plot of my posting. I agree that supporting each other on here is great. and yes, there are strongly held options, but at the end of the day we are all friends here.

 

[Sam]

You do indeed choose, whether to be happy or not, whether to be confident or not, and how to react to situations - even those that are extremely difficult.

If it's a choice, why would I have chosen to be unhappy since I was 12?

 

[Bear]

You can choose to be happy, but like Sam I didn't exactly choose to be unhappy, and so by the same token I can't exactly "choose" to be happy at the moment. That is the point where you need to seek help in the form of a doctor or counselor or whatever.

 

[Islander]

From my point of view, you can indeed choose to be happy - most people who aren't happy would certainly claim that they'd like to be, they have chosen that they'd like to be happy - but making that choice is one thing, whilst actioning it, and actually being happy, is an entirely different matter.

 

[Harv]

Sorry, I can't keep this in any longer; I can't help but feel that the way this topic has emerged is both patronising and unhelpful.

I have no doubts that the topic was never intentionally made to appear this way, but if life was as simple as choosing to be happy, wouldn't we all?

Unhappiness is essentially a consequence; a consequence of having too much pain to bear with at a particular time - this is how I personally see it, anyhow. Experiments have proven that different people can tolerate different levels of pain; therefore why should it be different emotionally? People respond very differently to all sorts of problems and to tell them they can just wish them all away is ludicrous.

If you feel like half your life has been wasted and that you'll never mean anything to anybody, you can't just choose to be happy with such pain. If you're gay and you can't tell your overbearing parents, you can't just choose to be happy with such pain. If you love someone deeply yet they'll never like you as more than a friend, you can't just choose to be happy with such pain.

Life is not a bed of roses for all; for some, it is a bed of nettles at times, and although I'm sure the topic was created to provide motivation and support I cannot help but feel it is a little insensitive and immature.

 

[Sam]

Depressed people can choose to be happy just as easily as you can choose not to have a broken leg.

Sent from my HTC Wildfire using Tapatalk 2

 

[Tom]

The real problem here is that this message board and what it represents (Alton Towers, a theme park) cannot be used to effectively tackle the problems I read about in the I Feel Down topic - although it and the people that contribute are well-intended of course.

A number of people's problems stem from 'real world' issues and immersing oneself in an online community and a theme park is not addressing a lot of their issues in an effective way.

That's not to take away the actual human being side of this community. I know many real friednds have been made but I read about some very serious issues of depression and harrassment that cannot - under any circumstances whatsoever - be helped by obsessive immersion within an internet message board or a theme park.

I once spoke to John Wardley briefly about the healthiness of obsessions with theme parks and he said that addiction to anything is unhealthy - but occasional escapism is important. I know the temptation to withdraw/hide from reality is luring, but it simply is not the answer to anything if you want to find happiness in life.

 

[James]

The human mind is a complex one.

I understand both sides of the argument. It all depends on emotional stability. Some of us cannot control being happy or unhappy, if something bad happens in life then that's it, we can't be in denial that everything is okay when it's not. On the other hand other people that have a 'bad' life seem so happy, because they can control their emotions. It's all how you handle life personally.

In the grand scheme of things though I think people have, yet again, blown things out of proportion. A subject such as this is VERY personal - and no one can put their foot down and make a statement about this subject. As it's so complex and cannot be generalised in such a way.

 

[TheMan]

You do indeed choose, whether to be happy or not, whether to be confident or not, and how to react to situations - even those that are extremely difficult.

If it's a choice, why would I have chosen to be unhappy since I was 12?

Ahh this is a good post Sam, I'm not suggesting that the choice to look at things more positively is an easy one, or even natural today. It isn't, that's why it is so difficult. I do also say at various points, obviously if you are feeling really low about things, then speaking to people (I don't want to sound condescending here at all by the way) is natural. I mentioned we're a communal species, it is hard to replicate that in a fast paced, high tech world such as we live in today. It can make it harder not easier to truly feel connected to anything at all at times.

This wasn't the point of my post, those who believe it is possible see the sense in the post - those who do not, see it as condescending or insensitive. I'm not saying anyone is wrong for feeling bad, what I am saying is that there are many ways nowadays to facilitate you feeling, even a little better.

Basically psychology deals with -10 to 0 on the scale of the mind. 0 being - well, existing basically. You then move onto 0 - 10, which is where the Positive Psychology comes in. 10 being, well, annoyingly happy all the time. I've been well below 0 at times that is for sure! I was on Prozac at 15 - there is much assumption as to what I have experienced, I came from a point of well, well below a zero to averaging about a 5 - which is decent enough lol! I just ask that you not think I am coming at this from anything other than, having experienced a fair bit.

If you had a crappy cold, and found something that worked great to make you feel better, you'd share it with people you knew had a crappy cold right? It also wasn't aimed at anyone with severe depression, or going through major things, though having hope can still help.

Some on here, whilst not backing their facts up, are also condemning the post. To those I'd say, go away and do some detailed research. Those whom are deeply down, I believe you deserve to be happier. Why? Because I believe everyone has that right. Not all methods, will work for everyone, but there are plenty out there to try, if you so choose. I won't judge you if you don't, why would I? Again not what this post was for.

The point of this, was to offer a bit of light - given the extensive experience I have working with people in this field. That wont change, my opinions wont change as I have seen many peoples lives changed, entire schools uplifted - none of it my work I must add.

I believe you all deserve to be happy. I cannot change what life is dishing out unfortunately, I most certainly would if I could! But hopefully I could shine a bit of light on some magnificent work being done by some people who care for our well being and happiness in general.

I just want to clarify where I am coming from.

Regardless though I appreciate all the posts, apologies I did not notice the other responses faster.

 

[Meat Pie]

Happiness is not a choice, and no matter how many times you state it (and each and every time you do, you do so without unsubstantiating your claims by the way. So it strikes me as very ironic that you have the audacity to claim others are not backing up their claims when you are probably the worst culprit of that on this topic).

Is it a choice to try multiple methods and techniques to perhaps achieve steps towards happiness? - Yes.

Is it a binary choice to just be happy or sad? - No.

Those who would answer yes to the second question are not far from agreeing with the simplistic conservative politics which makes out that individuals are entirely the source of their own suffering, and it is only them who can pull themselves out. That is simply not true. Yes, it does require at least some level of effort of the individual to make choices that work for them but it's simply not possible to succeed by just 'choosing' to be positive and happy unless you have the right construct and environment of support. All of which will be very different and personal to each individual's own situation.

Positivity never has and never will be the means to escape depression. In fact depression by it's very definition implies to be without positivity or happiness, and you cannot just switch a switch to be free of it's confines. Positivity is the end goal which you will obtain more of as you combat depression. To suggest otherwise is to slap a depressed person on the back and say: "just lighten up, you're such a depressing sod. Why don't you choose to be happy?'. Which is just like telling a man paralysed from the waste down to get out of his wheelchair, and walk. It is cruel, whether or not it is intended to be so.