Serious questions and musings

[rob666]

Team edit (Sazzle)

⚠ Content Warning: Potentially sensitive topic - Adverse life events
This thread contains discussions around the daily life challenges that members face. This can include discussion on things like:

• Experiences of physical assault
• Mental health challenges
• Sexuality and relationships
• Bereavement

You may wish to refrain from reading on, if you have concerns that any of this discussion may cause you distress.

Support resources: Samaritans (UK: 116 123, freephone) | Mind | Cruse Bereavement

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I've been waiting for surgery for three and a half years, yet my consultant only has a three to four month waiting list.
I could pay three hundred pounds to jump the queue, but what about the people who have been waiting longer than me, for more urgent surgery...that I will be queuejumping.
I haven't got a single rider queue, don't believe in fastpass, and thought I had rap, but that queue appears longer than the main queue.
Despite having had my pre operative checks...over half a day...I will have to go through them all again, because my doctor advises that I won't have the operation until the end of the year at the earliest, so four full years on a waiting list for tumor removal, that is meant to be (and often reported and stated) as a three month waiting list.
Only twelve times longer than I should have waited...and still no sign of the operation actually taken place.
In my personal experience, the nhs is already dead as far as elective surgery is concerned.
Go private or go away.

 

[BarryZola]

You should sue the provider for not giving you the advertised service in a timely manner. Why else do you pay your subscription fee? Oh, we just have to pay up and like it or lump it? Oh, okay.

 

[Slugjc]

Imagine a world we live in where we choose death over life. Because we simply can't afford the treatments to keep us alive.

Let's not be like America.

 

[rob666]

Lots of elderly poorly people in this country would willingly choose death over life.
I supported a lovely old lady for a decade, she was in constant pain, very poor quality of life, could do no hobbies, and simply wanted to die peacefully without pain, with dignity.
The law stopped her.
Instead she suffered for years, asking me to crack her over the head with my big spade.
I didn't.

 

[Slugjc]

The reason the NHS is on its knees is because we have no idea or how to look after the elderly.

Don't think it will ever happen in our lifetimes but I think one day we start euthanasia.

 

[Rojo]

I've been waiting for surgery for three and a half years, yet my consultant only has a three to four month waiting list.
I could pay three hundred pounds to jump the queue, but what about the people who have been waiting longer than me, for more urgent surgery...that I will be queuejumping.
I haven't got a single rider queue, don't believe in fastpass, and thought I had rap, but that queue appears longer than the main queue.
Despite having had my pre operative checks...over half a day...I will have to go through them all again, because my doctor advises that I won't have the operation until the end of the year at the earliest, so four full years on a waiting list for tumor removal, that is meant to be (and often reported and stated) as a three month waiting list.
Only twelve times longer than I should have waited...and still no sign of the operation actually taken place.
In my personal experience, the nhs is already dead as far as elective surgery is concerned.
Go private or go away.

Sorry to read about your terrible experience and it's stuff like this that made it easy to go private. Some people are more persistent and have more luck at getting treatment earlier and I've met enough hypochondriacs who know how to game the system.

If you need the treatment, I'd urge you to consider it and not delay further. The NHS is great when you get in and the people working in it are amazing. The biggest issues are time and funding sadly.

 

[rob666]

If I'd have know at the start how long the wait would be, I would have cracked, but it has always been a few more months away...covid, catch up, jr doctors strike, catch up, consultants strike...constant new reasons for extended wait upon wait.
I have been on the "short elective list" since Feb, but that means nothing when it is elective surgery.
No point pushing in my peak season, I will make detailed enquiries when the leaves have fallen.
Thanks for the concern though Sir.

 

[Matt.GC]

Not sure where to post this, but reading the last few posts, I thought I'd put it here.

I was assaulted at work a few weeks ago. As per usual, the police did nothing as it seems to be a common perception these days that people like us are just legitimate fodder. This didn't used to have any impact on me as a few light slams has always been part of the job. You can't work somewhere where you can't control which members of the public come in and do whatever they like in your workplace and get emotional about it. Nothing will change, it'll always be that way. I always accepted that's how things were and almost used to relish it. People come in, do what they like, see you as scum and do as they please. Coming home with bruises and even a broken bone once has never bothered me.

But for some reason this one did. I've thought about little else since. I've always been the person to jump in the way to stop other people being hurt when scum come in and abuse people, with very little consideration of my own welfare. I've had bloody needles pulled on me, a knife, I've been beaten up, a brick thrown at me and hit by a car. Some of that was due to my own stupidity and enthusiasm for accepting the difference between right and wrong. As a result of my attitude, people who work for me feel more safe and feed off my confidence. In fact, only a few days before, a vicious assault occurred on 2 of my female colleagues and they handled it brilliantly, with one of them telling me "we know you've always got our back".

But this occasion really impacted me. Someone who was not allowed on the premises came in. He was thrown out and arrested on site 5 months earlier for being threatening, abusive and assaulting a police officer. One of my colleagues calmly reminded him that he shouldn't be there and asked him to leave. She's an amazing person and wonderful mother to 2 children. He proceeded to threaten her and scream in her face. Seeing this, I stood in her way to protect her and just took the abuse and treats of violence instead, which is usually water off a ducks back to me. But he tried to get around me, leant into her face and starting screaming at her. At this point, I grabbed him, and removed him by force as I had calmly reminded him I had the right to do.

Once he was removed, the usual script played out. "I know where you live", "I'll kill you" etc etc. He refused to leave, as they usually do until they hear sirens, kept coming back towards me and was pushed away from my person. I was fully inside my place of work, had no option but to defend myself, and have racked my brain ever since trying to think of anything I could have done differently and I really can't think of an alternative. Eventually, he came at me, kicked me in the knee and grabbed me.

The man was over 10 years my senior, slightly smaller than me and was clearly insane (he was spouting crazy conspiracy theories and even threatened to beat up an elderly customer who was passing by). Because he had struck me and had hold of me, I tried to put him on the floor to restrain him as I've done many times before, to wait for the police to arrive before he hurt anyone else. As I've mentioned on here before, I've had a bad back for a few years and it has got a lot better recently, but I've lived with it long enough to know what my tolerances are. But for some reason, on this occasion, it went.

I could feel the pain searing up my body, and when that happens I know what comes next. One of my legs will give way and I'll go down. Once down, the only way to get back up is a controlled roll back on to my front and a slow ascent back up using my arms and legs. I ended up on my back, flat on the floor, with this guy on top of me. If I'm being honest, I couldn't let go of him as I knew that I would be led incapacitated flat on my back and unable to get up with him free to do whatever he wanted to me. I still had the full strength of my arms, so was using them alone to defend myself, but my legs and back were out of action.

Luckily, another bloke pulled up in a car to do his shopping, got out and grabbed the guy around the neck to get him off me and restrained him until the cops arrived.

But I don't know why, for the first time in my career, I felt so vulnerable.? I've been through far worse, yet I couldn't emotionally get over this for days afterwards. It's not the pain, the back was better in a few days. I wouldn't have cared if he'd given me a hammering. But why did I feel so emotionally upset about this? Why did this impact me so much? I've tried to rationalise it by what my partner said when I got home "you're not 21 anymore. You've got to accept that you're more vulnerable than you used to be". But she's only looking out for me. Cuts and bruises heal, but I've relived that moment where I was led on my back helpless in many nightmares I've had since. I've never felt like this before. The people that work for me have also noticed this and have started to feel less secure, that the guy who told them that it's just a fact of life and that I'll always be there for them, was led on his back on the pavement, incapacitated, like an absolute fool, and completely helpless.

I have this feeling of physical vulnerability all of a sudden and I don't know how to deal with it?

 

[BarryZola]

Not sure where to post this, but reading the last few posts, I thought I'd put it here.

I was assaulted at work a few weeks ago. As per usual, the police did nothing as it seems to be a common perception these days that people like us are just legitimate fodder. This didn't used to have any impact on me as a few light slams has always been part of the job. You can't work somewhere where you can't control which members of the public come in and do whatever they like in your workplace and get emotional about it. Nothing will change, it'll always be that way. I always accepted that's how things were and almost used to relish it. People come in, do what they like, see you as scum and do as they please. Coming home with bruises and even a broken bone once has never bothered me.

But for some reason this one did. I've thought about little else since. I've always been the person to jump in the way to stop other people being hurt when scum come in and abuse people, with very little consideration of my own welfare. I've had bloody needles pulled on me, a knife, I've been beaten up, a brick thrown at me and hit by a car. Some of that was due to my own stupidity and enthusiasm for accepting the difference between right and wrong. As a result of my attitude, people who work for me feel more safe and feed off my confidence. In fact, only a few days before, a vicious assault occurred on 2 of my female colleagues and they handled it brilliantly, with one of them telling me "we know you've always got our back".

But this occasion really impacted me. Someone who was not allowed on the premises came in. He was thrown out and arrested on site 5 months earlier for being threatening, abusive and assaulting a police officer. One of my colleagues calmly reminded him that he shouldn't be there and asked him to leave. She's an amazing person and wonderful mother to 2 children. He proceeded to threaten her and scream in her face. Seeing this, I stood in her way to protect her and just took the abuse and treats of violence instead, which is usually water off a ducks back to me. But he tried to get around me, leant into her face and starting screaming at her. At this point, I grabbed him, and removed him by force as I had calmly reminded him I had the right to do.

Once he was removed, the usual script played out. "I know where you live", "I'll kill you" etc etc. He refused to leave, as they usually do until they hear sirens, kept coming back towards me and was pushed away from my person. I was fully inside my place of work, had no option but to defend myself, and have racked my brain ever since trying to think of anything I could have done differently and I really can't think of an alternative. Eventually, he came at me, kicked me in the knee and grabbed me.

The man was over 10 years my senior, slightly smaller than me and was clearly insane (he was spouting crazy conspiracy theories and even threatened to beat up an elderly customer who was passing by). Because he had struck me and had hold of me, I tried to put him on the floor to restrain him as I've done many times before, to wait for the police to arrive before he hurt anyone else. As I've mentioned on here before, I've had a bad back for a few years and it has got a lot better recently, but I've lived with it long enough to know what my tolerances are. But for some reason, on this occasion, it went.

I could feel the pain searing up my body, and when that happens I know what comes next. One of my legs will give way and I'll go down. Once down, the only way to get back up is a controlled roll back on to my front and a slow ascent back up using my arms and legs. I ended up on my back, flat on the floor, with this guy on top of me. If I'm being honest, I couldn't let go of him as I knew that I would be led incapacitated flat on my back and unable to get up with him free to do whatever he wanted to me. I still had the full strength of my arms, so was using them alone to defend myself, but my legs and back were out of action.

Luckily, another bloke pulled up in a car to do his shopping, got out and grabbed the guy around the neck to get him off me and restrained him until the cops arrived.

But I don't know why, for the first time in my career, I felt so vulnerable.? I've been through far worse, yet I couldn't emotionally get over this for days afterwards. It's not the pain, the back was better in a few days. I wouldn't have cared if he'd given me a hammering. But why did I feel so emotionally upset about this? Why did this impact me so much? I've tried to rationalise it by what my partner said when I got home "you're not 21 anymore. You've got to accept that you're more vulnerable than you used to be". But she's only looking out for me. Cuts and bruises heal, but I've relived that moment where I was led on my back helpless in many nightmares I've had since. I've never felt like this before. The people that work for me have also noticed this and have started to feel less secure, that the guy who told them that it's just a fact of life and that I'll always be there for them, was led on his back on the pavement, incapacitated, like an absolute fool, and completely helpless.

I have this feeling of physical vulnerability all of a sudden and I don't know how to deal with it?

Hmm, that's a really tough one. You're realising that you're not as physically able as you once were, and also feel like you're, maybe, letting your staff down slightly by them not being so confident in having your protection anymore. Of course, in a perfect world, I'd say that it's only a shop and you're not paid to be a security guard. However, you're obviously a store manager or something, and also being male and with female staff working with you, you will just naturally feel that it's your responsibility to make sure they're safe at work. I work in grocery retail too and we've had many many similar incidents over many years. I'm not a manager though and we've pretty much always got at least one security guard on, so I can avoid physical altercations at will usually. I don't really have any great advice. Maybe start to think a bit more about if your own company is putting enough value on your safety, and if it's worth putting your body on the line in as many situations in future? Where is the security guard? I'm not joking here, but maybe when next recruiting for a position, see if you can hire some youngish hard looking lad who can chip in with a bit of altercation prevention or something. This is a lot for you to put up with alone whilst also just trying to run a store in a successful way. It's OK not to feel totally OK about it every time something happens. You're human. Give yourself a break. It's not easy. Chin up. Well done for caring about your staff and having their best interests at heart.

 

[RicketyCricket]

@Matt.GC it's tough being a bloke. There's a responsibility to support your family but in your case it extends to your employees, which adds another element of pressure.

I'm in my early thirties but starting to feel a physical decline, but in my head I'm still the 100 meter sports day champ. There's a stubborn, competitive steak in all of us and it can be hard to accept that our bodies can slow down. Completing the Alton Towers 10k was a massive confident boost in that respect, maybe have a look into doing something similar.

 

[jon81uk]

But I don't know why, for the first time in my career, I felt so vulnerable.? I've been through far worse, yet I couldn't emotionally get over this for days afterwards. It's not the pain, the back was better in a few days. I wouldn't have cared if he'd given me a hammering. But why did I feel so emotionally upset about this? Why did this impact me so much? I've tried to rationalise it by what my partner said when I got home "you're not 21 anymore. You've got to accept that you're more vulnerable than you used to be". But she's only looking out for me. Cuts and bruises heal, but I've relived that moment where I was led on my back helpless in many nightmares I've had since. I've never felt like this before. The people that work for me have also noticed this and have started to feel less secure, that the guy who told them that it's just a fact of life and that I'll always be there for them, was led on his back on the pavement, incapacitated, like an absolute fool, and completely helpless.

I have this feeling of physical vulnerability all of a sudden and I don't know how to deal with it?

I think many of us start to reach a point where we don't feel 21/31 anymore and its scary that you are getting old and your body isn't happy doing things it used to do just fine. Getting old is scary.

 

[Matt.GC]

Thanks guys. In my head I'm in still in my 20's and if I was out of work with my kids or something, it wouldn't have got that far as I would been within my rights to belt him one and I like to think he wouldn't stand a chance.

But maybe it's a mixture of things. You know how when someone punches you in the face and the adrenaline makes you more determined? Maybe the back pain instead and knowing I was unable to get up released chemicals that played with my emotions differently and made me feel quite frightened?

It was in the middle of the day (before security arrived), broad daylight and wasn't even that avoidable. This wasn't chasing a shoplifter down dark alleys or anything, it was just pleasantly reminding someone that he was trespassing and asking him to go. There were elderly people and children present. My colleague who bore the first brunt of it is such a loyal hardworking mother who just shouldn't have been treated like that.

Maybe it's the normalisation of it all that I'm struggling coming to terms with? Years ago, even criminals had a code. Most would at least have the decency to either hide their crimes, do these things at night or at least run away when 999 has been called. They wouldn't threaten elderly women for instance in the middle of the day. But they seemed to have realised now that no one is coming to help us and there's little we can do so feel confident to do whatever they like.

It's probably a mixture of realising my own physical limits, how much society is deteriorating, how the way I view levels of acceptable behaviour is at odds with the rest of society and how helpless I now feel. I've always felt in control before. Now I don't. I hate that feeling and I never expected 25 years ago that part of my job would be to become an ageing bouncer, who just turns out to be a punch bag wearing a name badge and I didn't sign up for this. With the way things are deteriorating, I just don't want to have another 25 years of this, but it's the only way I can pay the mortgage.

 

[pluk]

The obvious physicality of what I do has also become more of an issue for me, in my mid 40s I'm certainly not what I was physically just a few years ago. I've always been able to look after myself well enough, but it just becomes that there are more weaknesses as we age. From a self preservation point of view you just have to be more careful, to look at the impact factors of you vs them weigh up your chances and options more carefully. There's simply no way around it. Like a lot if getting old, it sucks.

And I know it's not the point of the post, but 'the police do nothing about it' is frustrating. It sounds like on both occasions they turned up and arrested? What more do you think they should be doing?

I was retail many moons ago, each store had security and a small army of workers who would get stuck in when things kicked off. I've still got friends in the game and it seems that simply isn't the case amy more? The resourcing is much smaller, there are fewer security officers, the burden is pushed onto the few who remain by billion pound profit making companies. Don't forget that's who is putting you in these positions.

 

[Matt.GC]

And I know it's not the point of the post, but 'the police do nothing about it' is frustrating. It sounds like on both occasions they turned up and arrested? What more do you think they should be doing?

I was retail many moons ago, each store had security and a small army of workers who would get stuck in when things kicked off. I've still got friends in the game and it seems that simply isn't the case amy more? The resourcing is much smaller, there are fewer security officers, the burden is pushed onto the few who remain by billion pound profit making companies. Don't forget that's who is putting you in these positions.

This is not a dig at what you do, or what any of your colleagues do. In fact, I couldn't have asked more from the police earlier in that same week. Luck would have it that 2 officers were outside using the cash machine as this absolute scum jumped through a pane of glass right into their clutches after having walked in intentionally to do nothing else but assault 2 women and expose himself to them. We had a gold standard service, victim impact statements taken and he was in magistrates court the following morning.

The second one, we had police attendance, no arrest as he had fled, and despite chasing, I still don't know what's going on with it. This was just 3 days later.

But debates about who is to blame aside (it's not as simplistic as it's made out to be, and ultimately it's the people committing the crimes that are to blame), we are just people who go to a place of work. I don't think it's at all unreasonable to expect that if any of us are assaulted, it is investigated. This always used to be the case, but it doesn't seem to be now. This is the third time this year someone has assaulted me. I reported the previous occasions as well, both were clear cut and caught fully on CCTV. I was told that I had to upload the CCTV to the Avon & Somerset website or it would not be investigated. I know few retailers that do have that facility currently. I offered to burn it onto a CD and give it to an officer when next in, I was told this couldn't be done. I live next door to a police station, and offered to drop it off on my way home. I was told this was not allowed either. So both cases were closed and not investigated.

I don't at all think it's unreasonable to have assaults investigated. Every single one of these people were known to us. I pleaded to my employer and the police that I could see this escalating. That these individuals were becoming more and more confident and seemed to be acting with impunity.

I don't always know what I'm talking about, but this industry has been an obsessive vocation of mine for 25 years and I know that the game has completely changed now. Good samaritans are fewer in number now, people would prefer to watch and tut making "what's the world coming to" comments and even sometimes filming it on phones to post on social media rather than help when you're in trouble. If you ask someone to pay for something, to not swear at you, leave or stay away from you, not make racist remarks, not make unwelcome advances and inappropriate remarks towards female colleagues, they used to run away or at least have the decency to lie or apologise but now they're so entitled that they either laugh at you, offer you outside or even have the audacity to complain (I did get an apology from the police, but last year I was called to the station on a VA because I pushed someone away from me when he pressed his forehead against mine and he actually called the cops!). There are less and less people around than ever, even large superstores can have dozens of customers inside and only 4 staff members in the entire building late at night. If things get so bad and security measures cost too much, bearing mind that profit margins are now around half what they were 15 years ago, closing stores (I've done this) is such a regular occurrence that barely anyone bats an eyelid now. Policies are now designed to ensure companies absolve themselves of blame. We rarely see police officers and things only seem to be taken seriously when things escalate, and now that it's becoming harder to have even assaults investigated, that bar seems to getting higher and higher.

I have always fully accepted that a few smacks here and there are part of the job. I've always known the risks. But this is the worst year I've ever known and the feeling of powerlessness by the people caught in the middle of it whilst people have debates about who to point the finger at shouldn't really be our problem. Maybe I'm just being a sissy and need to man up. But some days I just want to go to work and do my job like I used to. I don't want to be walking into this every day.

 

[Matt N]

I apologise if this is the wrong thread for this, but I have a random, serious question that I’m pondering this evening.

Why is it that I can’t seem to shake my reputation on here for being this naive, overly optimistic person who has a complete inability to express a negative opinion and says everything’s brilliant all the time even when it isn’t?

I concede that I’m not a cynical person. I have a reasonably glass-half-full outlook on life, and I have always been honest about that. But I’d like to think that as I’ve gotten older, I’ve gained the ability to be more balanced and constructive as opposed to just saying positive things all the time. Yes, I perhaps don’t **** things off in such a bluntly negative manner as some do, but I’d like to think that I politely express constructive criticism on things and be honest and say where I don’t like things or don’t agree with things. From where I’m standing, I could point to plenty of posts from my post history where I haven’t necessarily been overtly positive about things or where I have expressed negative opinions.

I admit that in my earlier days on here, I was perhaps overly positive about certain things. I’m not a negative person, but as I’ve grown older, I’ve realised that I don’t think excessive positivity or excessive negativity are necessarily good things.

But no matter what I say, it sometimes feels like I can’t get people to take me seriously. Sometimes I feel like I say something and people go “Oh, it’s Matt N saying it, so it can be immediately disregarded”. I often feel like a bit of a laughing stock on here. I often feel like people see me as a joke rather than someone to take seriously. I like to think that I’ve grown in my years on here, but I often question whether others see it that way or whether they still mock me and view me as the overly positive person they look down upon and laugh at. I wonder whether I’ve really grown at all or whether I’m still too positive and not cynical enough.

I know that a large part of this is probably me being overly sensitive, but I do sometimes find it difficult being typecast in the role I’ve managed to carve out for myself since I joined. Some people might view it as a positive, but I view it as a shadow I’ve been desperately trying to escape from, because it doesn’t feel like the folks on here and elsewhere view it as a positive thing. I’ve previously been encouraged to “stop breathing” and told that “there’s a proven link between optimism and stupidity” as a result of the views I’ve expressed here and elsewhere over the years.

Before I get overly rambly, I guess I’m just asking; what do I need to do to shake my reputation and get people to take me seriously? What do I need to do to prove myself as someone with valid opinions?

For clarity, this isn’t meant as an attack on anyone or a criticism of anyone, and I apologise if it’s construed that way. I guess I just wanted to get this off my chest a little and ask, as it’s something I often wonder and something that occasionally gets me down a bit.

 

[NuttySquirrel]

@Matt N, I'm sorry that this is getting you down, and as I'm one of the ones that responded to you in the Thorpe Park thread I do feel kind of responsible, so didn't want to read and run.

There's nothing wrong with being a positive, glass half-full sort of person, in fact we all need positive people in our lives and especially in this forum - it's really healthy and far more interesting to have a mix of diverse viewpoints and outlooks within any group dynamic.

I guess what people do occasionally find frustrating is when positivity appears to be expressed for positivity's sake - as in trying to find a good thing to say about something that's objectively bad. For example, I think you would find few people who would say that this year's Alton Towers Christmas event (for day guests anyway) represents good value for money, so if one were to say that was the case, that would suggest a lack of research or critical analysis on the topic (not that you have, it's just an example). The general consensus on the Thorpe Park logo has been that it's pretty disappointing, and objectively - according to established marketing and graphic design principles - it's well wide of the mark. If people entering into perfectly valid and informed critical discussions of something receive feedback that they're being overly negative or reactive because they don't like change, they're not likely to respond particularly well.

Without wishing to be unkind, I think we do sense a degree of naivety in your personality - which in itself isn't a bad thing, but I do think you do often look extremely hard for silver linings and try very hard to find the good in people or situations where it doesn't always exist. Your experience with your driving instructor might be an example of this - the more you shared with us about her awful behaviour towards you, the more horrified a lot of us became that you were being so fair to her. Naivety isn't particularly unusual in young people, especially those that are neurodivergent, and it isn't a failing - but generally as people get older their critical thinking skills develop and they begin to view fewer things through the rose-tinted spectacles of their youth. Some of us on here (think those that are more than twice your age especially) are perhaps guilty of having become overly jaded by previous negative experiences and now find it hard to be impressed by almost anything - I don't really that's something you want to be striving towards. Not for a long time anyway!

Carry on being you, and being positive! But also, maybe take a step back sometimes and try to look at things objectively and analytically as well. If something - or someone - is being widely criticised, there's very likely a good reason for it, even if it doesn't seem obvious straightaway.

It's also worth saying that everyone is entitled to their opinion - and if you personally like the logo that's completely fine! But it's just as valid for someone else to hate it. In fact, if we all liked and disliked the same things, the world would be a really boring place.

 

[Matt N]

@Matt N, I'm sorry that this is getting you down, and as I'm one of the ones that responded to you in the Thorpe Park thread I do feel kind of responsible, so didn't want to read and run.

There's nothing wrong with being a positive, glass half-full sort of person, in fact we all need positive people in our lives and especially in this forum - it's really healthy and far more interesting to have a mix of diverse viewpoints and outlooks within any group dynamic.

I guess what people do occasionally find frustrating is when positivity appears to be expressed for positivity's sake - as in trying to find a good thing to say about something that's objectively bad. For example, I think you would find few people who would say that this year's Alton Towers Christmas event (for day guests anyway) represents good value for money, so if one were to say that was the case, that would suggest a lack of research or critical analysis on the topic (not that you have, it's just an example). The general consensus on the Thorpe Park logo has been that it's pretty disappointing, and objectively - according to established marketing and graphic design principles - it's well wide of the mark. If people entering into perfectly valid and informed critical discussions of something receive feedback that they're being overly negative or reactive because they don't like change, they're not likely to respond particularly well.

Without wishing to be unkind, I think we do sense a degree of naivety in your personality - which in itself isn't a bad thing, but I do think you do often look extremely hard for silver linings and try very hard to find the good in people or situations where it doesn't always exist. Your experience with your driving instructor might be an example of this - the more you shared with us about her awful behaviour towards you, the more horrified a lot of us became that you were being so fair to her. Naivety isn't particularly unusual in young people, especially those that are neurodivergent, and it isn't a failing - but generally as people get older their critical thinking skills develop and they begin to view fewer things through the rose-tinted spectacles of their youth. Some of us on here (think those that are more than twice your age especially) are perhaps guilty of having become overly jaded by previous negative experiences and now find it hard to be impressed by almost anything - I don't really that's something you want to be striving towards. Not for a long time anyway!

Carry on being you, and being positive! But also, maybe take a step back sometimes and try to look at things objectively and analytically as well. If something - or someone - is being widely criticised, there's very likely a good reason for it, even if it doesn't seem obvious straightaway.

It's also worth saying that everyone is entitled to their opinion - and if you personally like the logo that's completely fine! But it's just as valid for someone else to hate it. In fact, if we all liked and disliked the same things, the world would be a really boring place.

Thank you for the response. I should clarify that it wasn’t you or anyone specific who spurred me to post my post.

I get what you mean. I do try and apply critical analysis to things and not just try and be positive for positivity’s sake, but I’m not sure whether I succeed at this, and I do get why my tendencies can sometimes be annoying in that regard.

I get what you mean about the naivety as well. I’ve been made all too aware over the years that my lack of a critical voice in my head is one of my biggest personal character flaws. I guess I’ve always just liked to be fair and constructive and try and understand things from the other point of view. I aim to try and be balanced, and in examples such as the driving instructor example, I try and look in the mirror and maybe consider my own flaws rather than pass the blame onto someone else. One thing I didn’t consider, however, is that my definition of terms like “balanced” and “constructive” may be considerably off-kilter compared to those of other people…

With regard to the Thorpe Park logo posts, I’ll admit that my posts about people being resistant to change were poorly phrased and I can see why they could be construed as overly dismissive, and I apologise. I was merely wondering whether resistance to change might be a possible factor contributing to the initial vitriol towards it, as I was remembering the initial vitriol towards other brand changes such as Drayton Manor’s logo change that quickly subsided. I did not for a second mean to imply that people hating it wasn’t valid. People are perfectly entitled to disagree with me, and the fact that most people do would suggest that I’m clearly wrong somewhere!

If you don’t mind me asking, though; when theme park opinions are so subjective, what exactly do you mean by “objective analysis”? I don’t mean to be awkward, but surely there isn’t really a right or wrong answer when it comes to subjective opinion?

 

[Matt.GC]

This is clearly a response to a post I made earlier tonight, and I'm horrified it's upset you as it was not all intended to. I hope you can forgive me, but also hope that you can see that I meant no harm?

I would question why you care? Not only does your above post completely ignore the fact that, from what I've seen, you're one of the more respected members, but it reads like you're concerned about pleasing others. Why?

I think your self confidence is the issue. There's probably a queue of forum members who, should they ever meet me, who would want to punch me in the face. Sometimes, I want to punch me in the face. I very much doubt there's a single person who would want to do that to you. In fact, read the driving instructor thread again from beginning to end and not only will you find evidence of how cared about you are, but also how low your confidence levels seem to be.

That's the root cause, not a bullying driving instructor (and she is a bully) or the absolute claptrap you've just written about your posts not being taken seriously. I should know, I'm double your age and pessimistic about everything, yet you've completely destroyed a number of negative posts from me before with evidence based objective arguments that I had no come back from. And you know what? Good on you, each one made me smile and you actually cheered me up.

 

[pluk]

I apologise

I concede

I admit

I think that these are the starting words of three of the first four paragraphs is the seat of your problem. It's fair to say you have moved away from your relentless possitivity of a couple of years ago, but any negativity or opinion you consider even vaguely controversial you apologise for. Don't! You don't need to. Be critical, be angry, be confident in your opinion. It's as valid as anyone else's.

 

[Zeock]

I apologise if this is the wrong thread for this, but I have a random, serious question that I’m pondering this evening.

Why is it that I can’t seem to shake my reputation on here for being this naive, overly optimistic person who has a complete inability to express a negative opinion and says everything’s brilliant all the time even when it isn’t?

I concede that I’m not a cynical person. I have a reasonably glass-half-full outlook on life, and I have always been honest about that. But I’d like to think that as I’ve gotten older, I’ve gained the ability to be more balanced and constructive as opposed to just saying positive things all the time. Yes, I perhaps don’t **** things off in such a bluntly negative manner as some do, but I’d like to think that I politely express constructive criticism on things and be honest and say where I don’t like things or don’t agree with things. From where I’m standing, I could point to plenty of posts from my post history where I haven’t necessarily been overtly positive about things or where I have expressed negative opinions.

I admit that in my earlier days on here, I was perhaps overly positive about certain things. I’m not a negative person, but as I’ve grown older, I’ve realised that I don’t think excessive positivity or excessive negativity are necessarily good things.

But no matter what I say, it sometimes feels like I can’t get people to take me seriously. Sometimes I feel like I say something and people go “Oh, it’s Matt N saying it, so it can be immediately disregarded”. I often feel like a bit of a laughing stock on here. I often feel like people see me as a joke rather than someone to take seriously. I like to think that I’ve grown in my years on here, but I often question whether others see it that way or whether they still mock me and view me as the overly positive person they look down upon and laugh at. I wonder whether I’ve really grown at all or whether I’m still too positive and not cynical enough.

I know that a large part of this is probably me being overly sensitive, but I do sometimes find it difficult being typecast in the role I’ve managed to carve out for myself since I joined. Some people might view it as a positive, but I view it as a shadow I’ve been desperately trying to escape from, because it doesn’t feel like the folks on here and elsewhere view it as a positive thing. I’ve previously been encouraged to “stop breathing”

If you weren't respected, then you wouldn't have been voted as the Best Contributor in last year's TS awards. Has someone really encouraged you to stop breathing? That is disgusting and disgraceful.