Serious questions and musings

[Matt N]

This is clearly a response to a post I made earlier tonight, and I'm horrified it's upset you as it was not all intended to. I hope you can forgive me, but also hope that you can see that I meant no harm?

I would question why you care? Not only does your above post completely ignore the fact that, from what I've seen, you're one of the more respected members, but it reads like you're concerned about pleasing others. Why?

I think your self confidence is the issue. There's probably a queue of forum members who, should they ever meet me, who would want to punch me in the face. Sometimes, I want to punch me in the face. I very much doubt there's a single person who would want to do that to you. In fact, read the driving instructor thread again from beginning to end and not only will you find evidence of how cared about you are, but also how low your confidence levels seem to be.

That's the root cause, not a bullying driving instructor (and she is a bully) or the absolute claptrap you've just written about your posts not being taken seriously. I should know, I'm double your age and pessimistic about everything, yet you've completely destroyed a number of negative posts from me before with evidence based objective arguments that I had no come back from. And you know what? Good on you, each one made me smile and you actually cheered me up.

Let me just reassure you that it wasn’t your post. I can absolutely see that you meant no harm and were only joking. As I say, no one specific made me type what I did, it was more a general feeling that I’ve often gotten over the years.

I know I shouldn’t care as much as I do, but it’s sometimes hard not to. I’m not one of those people who can stroll around being super-confident and not giving a hoot about what others think of them. Deep down, I guess I am a bit of a people pleaser.

I think it’s also completely fair to say that I lack self-confidence. It’s something I encounter in a number of parts of my life.

I think my other problem is that I often struggle to take a joke. It’s something my family has often criticised about me over the years, and I do think my oversensitivity to things like that is a definite flaw of mine. It also does nothing to quash the notion that young people are all “woke snowflakes who are offended by everything” that is espoused by numerous cross-sections of society!

Thank you all for the responses. I do appreciate the thoughts.

 

[rob666]

Chin up Matt, you know we all love you on here.
I'm one of those confident ones who is famous for talking with complete strangers in queues, but we all have those nagging bits of self doubt.
To quote Blind Faith, and not Take That...
Do what you like.

 

[Matt.GC]

Let me just reassure you that it wasn’t your post. I can absolutely see that you meant no harm and were only joking. As I say, no one specific made me type what I did, it was more a general feeling that I’ve often gotten over the years.

I know I shouldn’t care as much as I do, but it’s sometimes hard not to. I’m not one of those people who can stroll around being super-confident and not giving a hoot about what others think of them. Deep down, I guess I am a bit of a people pleaser.

I think it’s also completely fair to say that I lack self-confidence. It’s something I encounter in a number of parts of my life.

I think my other problem is that I often struggle to take a joke. It’s something my family has often criticised about me over the years, and I do think my oversensitivity to things like that is a definite flaw of mine. It also does nothing to quash the notion that young people are all “woke snowflakes who are offended by everything” that is espoused by numerous cross-sections of society!

Thank you all for the responses. I do appreciate the thoughts.

You've just said initially that you wanted to shake your image of being positive about everything, and then continued to post things assassinating your own character! That doesn't sound positive to me.

When we don't feel right, feel down or lack confidence, we always dwell on the negatives. On the very last page you can see me doing it as well. That's what you've just done. Seriously, read the driving instructor thread again from a different angle and you'll see post after post of you telling everyone you're not good enough, followed by an outpouring of other concerned members telling you you're just plain wrong.

The only way out of this is experience. I've got a good 20 years on you and as you can see from 2 subject matters I've posted recently (where 4 members took my by surprise and kindly reached out to me over PM with some excellent words of wisdom) I still haven't got it right. It's part of being human. But there will come a time where you are able to look at life more objectively. I've seen you do this yourself, as you've grown older you can actually see the changes in the way you post. Sometimes you post things so consideriled and impressive, you blow me away.

It's also perfectly normal as you transition from childhood to adulthood for the real world to hit you like a freight train. I don't mean that in a patronising way because I probably didn't settle down to this until I was in by 30's (the best time of your life by the way!). As someone from a generation of people who now hold the reigns of power and are making a right mess of it, thank god your lot are coming out of universities with intelligence, tolerance and respect to come and save our asses! We were all drinking, smoking, fighting and getting each other pregnant at young ages (I did everything but the last one). I wouldn't dwell on a load of miserable old Daily Mail readers and GBNews watchers branding you 'Woke Snowflakes who are offended by everything". The irony is that they were probably seen in a similar light once.

Consider the facts here Matt. You are well liked and respected around these parts. You are obviously extremely intelligent. You are young, with your whole life ahead of you and still making sense of the world like every single person here has had to do at some stage. You are surrounded by family who clearly care a great deal about you and have given you a good upbringing. Seems to me you have all the ingredients to feel confident about yourself, you just need to get there. And only you can do that. So I won't be giving you a blow by blow criticism on your posting performance because the premise of the questions you are asking is wrong. If you were spamming a load of threads with false information, nastiness and outrageous statements then believe me I would. But there's nothing wrong with being you, there's nothing wrong with having respectful opinions and there's nothing wrong with you or others disagreeing and challenging things.

I don't live a million miles away from you, and I was tempted to drive up to the FOD a few weeks ago and have a good old chat over a pint. Then I remembered that I'm the kind of person that walks into a pub in posh areas and the music stops and everyone looks around. So don't make me come up there pal!

 

[Matt N]

You've just said initially that you wanted to shake your image of being positive about everything, and then continued to post things assassinating your own character! That doesn't sound positive to me.

When we don't feel right, feel down or lack confidence, we always dwell on the negatives. On the very last page you can see me doing it as well. That's what you've just done. Seriously, read the driving instructor thread again from a different angle and you'll see post after post of you telling everyone you're not good enough, followed by an outpouring of other concerned members telling you you're just plain wrong.

The only way out of this is experience. I've got a good 20 years on you and as you can see from 2 subject matters I've posted recently (where 4 members took my by surprise and kindly reached out to me over PM with some excellent words of wisdom) I still haven't got it right. It's part of being human. But there will come a time where you are able to look at life more objectively. I've seen you do this yourself, as you've grown older you can actually see the changes in the way you post. Sometimes you post things so consideriled and impressive, you blow me away.

It's also perfectly normal as you transition from childhood to adulthood for the real world to hit you like a freight train. I don't mean that in a patronising way because I probably didn't settle down to this until I was in by 30's (the best time of your life by the way!). As someone from a generation of people who now hold the reigns of power and are making a right mess of it, thank god your lot are coming out of universities with intelligence, tolerance and respect to come and save our asses! We were all drinking, smoking, fighting and getting each other pregnant at young ages (I did everything but the last one). I wouldn't dwell on a load of miserable old Daily Mail readers and GBNews watchers branding you 'Woke Snowflakes who are offended by everything". The irony is that they were probably seen in a similar light once.

Consider the facts here Matt. You are well liked and respected around these parts. You are obviously extremely intelligent. You are young, with your whole life ahead of you and still making sense of the world like every single person here has had to do at some stage. You are surrounded by family who clearly care a great deal about you and have given you a good upbringing. Seems to me you have all the ingredients to feel confident about yourself, you just need to get there. And only you can do that. So I won't be giving you a blow by blow criticism on your posting performance because the premise of the questions you are asking is wrong. If you were spamming a load of threads with false information, nastiness and outrageous statements then believe me I would. But there's nothing wrong with being you, there's nothing wrong with having respectful opinions and there's nothing wrong with you or others disagreeing and challenging things.

I don't live a million miles away from you, and I was tempted to drive up to the FOD a few weeks ago and have a good old chat over a pint. Then I remembered that I'm the kind of person that walks into a pub in posh areas and the music stops and everyone looks around. So don't make me come up there pal!

Maybe you’re right. Maybe by the time I’m, say, 40 and have morphed even more into a short version of my dad than I have already, I’ll have a better ability to view things through a more objective lens and have a bit more self-confidence. I can certainly imagine that I’ve got quite a few formative experiences yet to come in my life. For instance, I imagine that leaving university and going into a full-time job might give me a different perspective.

On a side note, I was slightly surprised to hear you call the Forest of Dean a posh area! Perhaps it’s just because I live here and take it for granted a bit, but I definitely don’t think of it as one…

 

[GooseOnTheLoose]

I apologise if this is the wrong thread for this, but I have a random, serious question that I’m pondering this evening.

Why is it that I can’t seem to shake my reputation on here for being this naive, overly optimistic person who has a complete inability to express a negative opinion and says everything’s brilliant all the time even when it isn’t?

As a relatively new poster on here, this is not a reputation of you that I recognise, or an image that I've formed of you in my head. I see your posts as incredibly well thought out, constructed and laboured over. I actually enjoy seeing your two pence on any particular subject, as I know that you'll have analysed over your musings and that you've put a lot of love and effort into crafting a response. In my mind you're someone I see with a lot of theme park expertise and wisdom.

I also, of course, see the enthusiasm that so many people have lost over the years. Please don't ever lose that. Being optimistic, hoping for something to turn out for the better, and believing in change for good, are all positive qualities. You have these in abundance, with a healthy side of skepticism when required.

Please keep doing what you're doing. I really appreciate it.

EDIT: Also, if you can justify an opinion and articulate it properly, I don't care whether you're positive or negative. You've won my immediate respect, even if I don't agree with you.

 

[OtherBen]

i think it's because you come across as caring deeply about what people on here think. have some confidence in your opinions. don't mistake confidence for not listening to others and not taking on board their viewpoint. stick to your guns mate, come down hard on things you feel passionately about. no one cares. you are human, you can take back that view if someone counters it well or you change your mind later on down the line.

let it wash over you. stop apologising, it undermines your original points/views. you don't have to apologise to people because you have an opposing viewpoint.

 

[Matt.GC]

Maybe you’re right. Maybe by the time I’m, say, 40 and have morphed even more into a short version of my dad than I have already, I’ll have a better ability to view things through a more objective lens and have a bit more self-confidence. I can certainly imagine that I’ve got quite a few formative experiences yet to come in my life. For instance, I imagine that leaving university and going into a full-time job might give me a different perspective.

On a side note, I was slightly surprised to hear you call the Forest of Dean a posh area! Perhaps it’s just because I live here and take it for granted a bit, but I definitely don’t think of it as one…

It absolutely will give you different perspectives. It's a bit like the driving license thing. During driving instruction, you learn how to pass a test, once you've passed you learn how to drive. At the moment, you're doing the right thing and learning how to be skilled and accredited, you'll learn how to live once you leave and join the world of work.

You already have objectivity, so maybe that's the wrong word to be using here. From seeing the posts you write, there's no doubt in my mind that you'll be absolutely fine. I could sit here and tell you what to do, but it would be from my miserable perspective and my experiences. The same for your uni lecturers. The same for your parents. Doing so completely misses the point. You're an intelligent and thoughtful young man going through what every single one of us have.

The only thing I will tell you to do however, is stop seeking the approval of others and do things your own way. Don't apologise for being you or having the opinions you do.

And the FOD is dead posh to us lot slumming it down here in the Mare. Rumour has it that you guys way up there (is it that northern land or is it Wales? I've never decided) eat with knives and forks, and drink water rather than Thatcher's Gold! Crazy stuff if you ask me.....

 

[BigShadowtinytree]

More of a rant but couldn’t find a specific rant thread. The way employers are allowed to mess you around. Time for a story.

My partner applied for a job around October last year, at the time he still had a job.

He gets this new job, current job offers voluntary redundancy. He takes redundancy, as he is under the impression that in a few weeks he will be starting this new job. Finished there in January, by this point he’d already been waiting 3 months after being told “you’ve got the job”.

A few more weeks pass, we are struggling but making do with my part time wages and the redundancy money (wasn’t a huge amount but enough to see through a few months). In March he gets a call to go in for an induction. Great we thought, he’ll be starting soon then. They said at induction they would be in touch in 2-3 weeks with a start date.

It’s now been over 3 weeks and no start date. We are getting desperate now, so my OH calls them, emails them. Finally gets in touch with someone, explains the situation. Turns out that actually, they are not doing intake at the moment but to ‘hold tight’ because they will ‘at some point’. Couldn’t give an exact time frame though. Do they seriously expect people to hang around for months after being told they got the job? It’s just fucking ridiculous.

If he had known that by this point he still would still be waiting around, he would not have taken the redundancy. We are now in a completely shitty position and I am fuming both at the employer (who are not a small tinpot company by any means, in fact they are a well known manufacturer) and at my OH for taking the redundancy. I felt like I couldn’t really say anything because he reassured me all would be fine and it would all work out. I knew in my bones it wouldn’t work out, but he’s a grown up and I can’t tell him what to do.

We’ll look how it’s turned out now. Fuming doesn’t even cover it. I know it’s partly my OH’s fault for jumping the gun and taking the redundancy, but how is this ok??? To be strung along for SIX MONTHS. It’s not right.

Im so annoyed with my OH right now for putting us, our kids, in this position. And I’m fucking pissed that a huge company can’t get their shit together and treat potential employees with respect and dignity.

 

[Burbs]

More of a rant but couldn’t find a specific rant thread. The way employers are allowed to mess you around. Time for a story.

My partner applied for a job around October last year, at the time he still had a job.

He gets this new job, current job offers voluntary redundancy. He takes redundancy, as he is under the impression that in a few weeks he will be starting this new job. Finished there in January, by this point he’d already been waiting 3 months after being told “you’ve got the job”.

A few more weeks pass, we are struggling but making do with my part time wages and the redundancy money (wasn’t a huge amount but enough to see through a few months). In March he gets a call to go in for an induction. Great we thought, he’ll be starting soon then. They said at induction they would be in touch in 2-3 weeks with a start date.

It’s now been over 3 weeks and no start date. We are getting desperate now, so my OH calls them, emails them. Finally gets in touch with someone, explains the situation. Turns out that actually, they are not doing intake at the moment but to ‘hold tight’ because they will ‘at some point’. Couldn’t give an exact time frame though. Do they seriously expect people to hang around for months after being told they got the job? It’s just fucking ridiculous.

If he had known that by this point he still would still be waiting around, he would not have taken the redundancy. We are now in a completely shitty position and I am fuming both at the employer (who are not a small tinpot company by any means, in fact they are a well known manufacturer) and at my OH for taking the redundancy. I felt like I couldn’t really say anything because he reassured me all would be fine and it would all work out. I knew in my bones it wouldn’t work out, but he’s a grown up and I can’t tell him what to do.

We’ll look how it’s turned out now. Fuming doesn’t even cover it. I know it’s partly my OH’s fault for jumping the gun and taking the redundancy, but how is this ok??? To be strung along for SIX MONTHS. It’s not right.

Im so annoyed with my OH right now for putting us, our kids, in this position. And I’m fucking pissed that a huge company can’t get their shit together and treat potential employees with respect and dignity.

This sounds absolutely awful, and I by no means pretend to be a couples counsellor, but beyond initial frustration this doesn’t to me sound like it’s your other half’s fault? It seems no one had any indication it could all go awry, even you have said they are a reputable company. If he’d handed in his notice rather than take redundancy, surely he’d still not have work either way and so the blame entirely lies with the new company stringing him along. I apologise if I’ve misconstrued what you’ve said though, and I’m aware it’s a very sensitive subject so please do correct me if necessary!

 

[BigShadowtinytree]

This sounds absolutely awful, and I by no means pretend to be a couples counsellor, but beyond initial frustration this doesn’t to me sound like it’s your other half’s fault? It seems no one had any indication it could all go awry, even you have said they are a reputable company. If he’d handed in his notice rather than take redundancy, surely he’d still not have work either way and so the blame entirely lies with the new company stringing him along. I apologise if I’ve misconstrued what you’ve said though, and I’m aware it’s a very sensitive subject so please do correct me if necessary!

No I totally get where you’re coming from. I think it’s more the fact that it was voluntary redundancy, so he had the option to stay on just in a slightly different role, but still very similar to what he was doing.

But you are right, it’s mostly company’s fault for stringing him along. I just wish he had made a different choice, at least then he would still be working and it wouldn’t matter as much that it was taking so long to start this new job, if that makes sense. We’d still be financially secure, and I reckon with the rapport he had, he could have gotten out of working his notice if he really wanted to. I feel like he made a rash decision at the time because he wanted out from where he was. But it was heavily influenced by the fact he’s got this job lined up.

But hindsight is 20/20, as they say. So most of my anger is directed at this new employer. It’s a really horrible way to treat people. He’s now started applying for other roles, which don’t pay as well and are much further away, what else is he supposed to do in the mean time? I don’t earn enough to support us all on my own and the nature of my work means extra hours aren’t plentiful, although I am doing some overtime. I’m considering looking for a second job to fit around it too. But then I’ve got the kids to consider, if/when he does go back to work - which was one of the reasons why I work part time in the first place, to fit around them and his hours.

It’s just a bit of a mess at the moment and im super stressed. I don’t mean to place blame on him, but can’t help but wish he’d just stayed on. After all he’s taken this redundancy but has nothing to show for it in the end. Just 4 months of stagnation, frustration and worry.

 

[Alsty]

I have a similar story. At my previous job, one of my disgruntled colleagues applied for another job somewhere else. He passed the interview and was verbally told he got the job. He handed in his notice, but then a week or so later the prospective employer decided they weren't going to employ anybody after all. Tried to cancel his resignation to no avail and he was left high and dry.

Felt bad for him but learned a valuable lesson... never hand in your notice until you've got the contract for the new position

 

[GooseOnTheLoose]

After all he’s taken this redundancy but has nothing to show for it in the end. Just 4 months of stagnation, frustration and worry.

Time. Time is what he's got to show for it. Time with you, time with your family, additional time of being around and available. Time is the one thing you can so easily spend, but never get back.

Small silver linings and all.

Keep your chin up! Well done to both of you for handling a very tough decision as best you can, frustrating as it sounds.

 

[ScottishChris]

More of a rant but couldn’t find a specific rant thread. The way employers are allowed to mess you around. Time for a story.

My partner applied for a job around October last year, at the time he still had a job.

He gets this new job, current job offers voluntary redundancy. He takes redundancy, as he is under the impression that in a few weeks he will be starting this new job. Finished there in January, by this point he’d already been waiting 3 months after being told “you’ve got the job”.

A few more weeks pass, we are struggling but making do with my part time wages and the redundancy money (wasn’t a huge amount but enough to see through a few months). In March he gets a call to go in for an induction. Great we thought, he’ll be starting soon then. They said at induction they would be in touch in 2-3 weeks with a start date.

It’s now been over 3 weeks and no start date. We are getting desperate now, so my OH calls them, emails them. Finally gets in touch with someone, explains the situation. Turns out that actually, they are not doing intake at the moment but to ‘hold tight’ because they will ‘at some point’. Couldn’t give an exact time frame though. Do they seriously expect people to hang around for months after being told they got the job? It’s just fucking ridiculous.

If he had known that by this point he still would still be waiting around, he would not have taken the redundancy. We are now in a completely shitty position and I am fuming both at the employer (who are not a small tinpot company by any means, in fact they are a well known manufacturer) and at my OH for taking the redundancy. I felt like I couldn’t really say anything because he reassured me all would be fine and it would all work out. I knew in my bones it wouldn’t work out, but he’s a grown up and I can’t tell him what to do.

We’ll look how it’s turned out now. Fuming doesn’t even cover it. I know it’s partly my OH’s fault for jumping the gun and taking the redundancy, but how is this ok??? To be strung along for SIX MONTHS. It’s not right.

Im so annoyed with my OH right now for putting us, our kids, in this position. And I’m fucking pissed that a huge company can’t get their shit together and treat potential employees with respect and dignity.

It sucks, and I am sorry you find yourself in this position.

I am usually seated under HR where I work, and the trend I am seeing more often is that a person will leave a company, and as such a recruitment process is undertaken to replace them. The issue comes when it is time to offer the contract of employment and actually start someone and questions start being asked as to whether the company actually needs to hire. The though process I have seen on occasion is that "We have managed for x months without this role - do we actually need it?" It then gets dragged into an analysis of needs, which puts things on hold. It's unfair.

And I don't think it was his fault for 'jumping the gun'. With the economy the way it is, when it comes to hiring people and committing to contracts, companies are a law unto themselves at the moment.

I went through a recruitment process a good few months ago. I was asked to apply, went for an informal then formal interview and then everything just went quiet. After a lot of pestering I was told I had "done very well", but the role had been removed. She went on to say she fully expected it to come up again, and to 'keep an eye open as [she] would like me to reapply.' Unsurprisingly, that is a no from me.

Job hunting sucks.

 

[BigShadowtinytree]

Time. Time is what he's got to show for it. Time with you, time with your family, additional time of being around and available. Time is the one thing you can so easily spend, but never get back.

Small silver linings and all.

Keep your chin up! Well done to both of you for handling a very tough decision as best you can, frustrating as it sounds.

Thank you, that’s a great way of looking at it actually, appreciate the kind words!

 

[Jb85]

Time. Time is what he's got to show for it. Time with you, time with your family, additional time of being around and available. Time is the one thing you can so easily spend, but never get back.

Small silver linings and all.

Keep your chin up! Well done to both of you for handling a very tough decision as best you can, frustrating as it sounds.

A goose has plenty of time to reflect on things.

Apart from Thanksgiving time. Not a good time to be a goose

 

[GooseOnTheLoose]

A goose has plenty of time to reflect on things.

Apart from Thanksgiving time. Not a good time to be a goose

At Thanksgiving I take plenty of time to reflect, and be thankful, that I'm not a turkey!

 

[NuttySquirrel]

More of a rant but couldn’t find a specific rant thread. The way employers are allowed to mess you around. Time for a story.

My partner applied for a job around October last year, at the time he still had a job.

He gets this new job, current job offers voluntary redundancy. He takes redundancy, as he is under the impression that in a few weeks he will be starting this new job. Finished there in January, by this point he’d already been waiting 3 months after being told “you’ve got the job”.

A few more weeks pass, we are struggling but making do with my part time wages and the redundancy money (wasn’t a huge amount but enough to see through a few months). In March he gets a call to go in for an induction. Great we thought, he’ll be starting soon then. They said at induction they would be in touch in 2-3 weeks with a start date.

It’s now been over 3 weeks and no start date. We are getting desperate now, so my OH calls them, emails them. Finally gets in touch with someone, explains the situation. Turns out that actually, they are not doing intake at the moment but to ‘hold tight’ because they will ‘at some point’. Couldn’t give an exact time frame though. Do they seriously expect people to hang around for months after being told they got the job? It’s just fucking ridiculous.

If he had known that by this point he still would still be waiting around, he would not have taken the redundancy. We are now in a completely shitty position and I am fuming both at the employer (who are not a small tinpot company by any means, in fact they are a well known manufacturer) and at my OH for taking the redundancy. I felt like I couldn’t really say anything because he reassured me all would be fine and it would all work out. I knew in my bones it wouldn’t work out, but he’s a grown up and I can’t tell him what to do.

We’ll look how it’s turned out now. Fuming doesn’t even cover it. I know it’s partly my OH’s fault for jumping the gun and taking the redundancy, but how is this ok??? To be strung along for SIX MONTHS. It’s not right.

Im so annoyed with my OH right now for putting us, our kids, in this position. And I’m fucking pissed that a huge company can’t get their shit together and treat potential employees with respect and dignity.

Sorry to hear this, what a shitty situation.

My OH and I have both spent considerable amounts of time out of work due to companies generally being shitty and not delivering on promises. He was offered a position just as you describe with no fixed start date and was strung along for weeks before being told there was no actual job. Fortunately the consequences weren't as severe as he was already out of work when he applied, but he did cease jobhunting for a few weeks until it was clear this position was not going to materialise. When it happened to me last year after a redundancy - and I was 'offered' a job with no start date until a funding grant had been approved, I told them where to stick it as I could sense they were just wasting my time.

I'm afraid we've learnt the hard way that unless you have a formal offer letter confirming your salary and start date, there is no actual job - and not to make any major decisions until that letter is in your hand.

Having said that, depending on how the offer was framed to your OH, even a verbal offer could represent a binding contract between him and the employer, especially if a start date was hinted at - in which case you may be able to make a case at an employment tribunal that the employer had breached the contract and seek financial recompense. You'd need to look into this further but these pages from Acas might be helpful as a starting point:

If a job offer is withdrawn - Acas

The difference between a 'conditional' and 'unconditional' job offer and what you can do if a job offer is withdrawn.

www.acas.org.uk

 

[BigShadowtinytree]

Thanks @NuttySquirrel will look into that! I feel like it’s been especially harsh on him as they brought him in for an induction, most people imo would reasonably assume at that point that a start date was looming. Unsure we will get anywhere with it but worth looking into nonetheless.

 

[NuttySquirrel]

Thanks @NuttySquirrel will look into that! I feel like it’s been especially harsh on him as they brought him in for an induction, most people imo would reasonably assume at that point that a start date was looming. Unsure we will get anywhere with it but worth looking into nonetheless.

Good luck! Yes it would be important to gather as much evidence as possible about the intent of the company, and an induction day would be a strong indication of a firm offer. Employment tribunals do often decide in favour of the wronged employee, the difficulty is you are effectively severing the relationship with that employer - but it sounds as though this might not be an issue if there is no intake in the pipeline.

 

[rob666]

OK, wow, I knew this was the topic I wanted to repeat post in, but I didn't realise that our kindly "mega gods of mods" set this actual topic up for me, with me the top post!
And I quoted Blind faith out there all that time ago.

So, very serious new discussion point, already done with our diogo on pm...

My fantastic lengthy acute care experience on the nhs.
Ten out of ten, gold standard, nothing less.
Absolutely full of smiles and positive support throughout.

However...

The three gentlemen I was sharing a room with...all nice men, decent locals, of mixed races and fortunes.
One made it very plain he would sooner be left to die with dignity in his own home, in comfort, with no more invasive treatments.
People were encouraging him into treatments to hit a hundred.
So here we were.
Constant medication, movement for bedsores, physio, and a shocking tale to tell.
He came in for a repeat visit to his consultant, who promptly had him wheeled down to A&E as an emergency patient, no longer fit enough to be on a waiting list.
A month ago.

Another had been in hospital since February, multiple conditions, including old mens waterworks problems, diabetes and heart problems.
Bog standard old man syndrome, surprised he didn't have a flipping wankle and fat neck lump as well.
He had just been home for a fantastic party day to celebrate his life with his family.
Smiled and walked over to shake my hand and say "hello friend" as he came back to the ward in the evening.
Limited english and very hard of hearing...but a great old bloke.
Suffered in pain all through the night.
Checks and movement for bedsores every two hours, absolutely thorough and caring, done in silent shoes, in dim light, to extreme high standards of care.
Old work experience.
Blood sugar through the roof after all those sweet treats with his family.

Then the guy next to me, mobility issues, vascular dementia, diabetes, and a few other bits and bobs.
One wankle.
Absolute agony in the bathroom department, every hour or so...morphine arse.


Then me, the one acute patient, ten years or fifty years apart from the others, if you see what I mean.
Acute, not chronic.
Fit, healthy, and working...with hobbies and supportive partner, punters and mates.
Who knows how lucky he is, grateful for what he has, and no desires for anything more.
In and out in a day with a smile and wave.


Having had that transformative experience, personally, I can say clearly I will never be in one of those other beds, if I can possibly avoid it.
Quality of life (qalys we were taught) is everything.
My occasional modest bad habits will remain, for the quality of life I get from them.
Do it while you can, everything that you can, for as long as you can, as best as you can safely.
But when the quality of life goes, every last person should have the right to say enough is enough, send me home to my last days with my family, with my special pills please.

That option, on my ward, would save an awful lot of suffering, for a couple of really nice people, and a lot of expense that the individuals involved actually felt guilty about...openly.
Assisted suicide is humane...we all know what we do for the best with our poorly old animals that suffer badly...yet the humans have to suffer on needlessly.
Thought about at length while the poor buggers kept me awake all night.

And god bless every last one.
Mohammed's quietly sung bedtime prayer to us all was absolutely beautiful.