Spoilers below and a TLDR at the end. You’re welcome.
JTH is possibly the blandest of Halloween events I’ve attended. This isn’t a dig or deliberate trash of their efforts, just genuine criticisms that will no doubt go up against those blowing smoke up their arse from being invited last night.
There are eight individual “attractions” to experience on JTH:
River Caves
Infusion
The Big One
The PB Express
Ghost Train
Impossible
Lost
Hell Tunnels
In addition, there are numerous characters who are designated to each attraction but then roam the park towards the end. We were informed the event would be wrapped up for 22:00, so attempted to plan an itinerary with time for food and drink around that. In classic Pleasure Beach style, however, this would be thwarted by their mantra on closing things whenever the hell they like.
We were welcomed with an introductory speech outlining the event, letting us know we could do the attractions once in any order. I know they’ve previously guided people through each, so am unsure if this remains to be the case for this year.
On entry, FY4 had the werewolf character splashing people with the fountains, a fire-breather and a fire whip person, and then a few people later on in the evening miming various rock ballads on the Trauma Tower graveyard.
Parkwide decorations are minimal. There is no parkwide audio either, sustaining a morbid concentration camp-esque atmosphere. Walking past Icon and Avalance, you’d believe you’d snuck into the park when it was closed.
Infusion with a siren overlay. This is essentially a siren costume character lying on a rock hissing at people as they enter the queue line. There is a random masked character unrelated to the theme in the middle, before being secured into the ride by two mute pirate-dressed characters. Oh, and some blue lighting in the station as well Spooky. Other than that, Infusion was bog standard Infusion. Crap, to say the least, but by no means one of the worst rides I’ve had on it.
River Caves. So much potential here, but wasted. Thankfully we weren’t batched with other groups, so the two of us experienced it alone. The lights are turned off, and you’re presented a B&M bargains Halloween prop lantern to take around the layout. There’s a level of suspense as you’re unsure of when actors will pop out, and it’s unusual to see the scenes plummeted into darkness with no squealing animatronic noises.
There were four actors we counted around the layout, one of which we believe may have passed from one end to the other using the escape doors. General screeching and being shot by a water pistol. The main highlight of this was not being stacked at the top of the drop, and being able to go straight down and off.
The Big One, sponsored by dial-up broadband. Not entirely sure what the story is here, but there were two actors roaming the queue with electronic face masks. These were perhaps my favourite actors of the evening, going about their ‘scaring’ in convincing silence. Station lighting and some mist in the Pepsi cans were the extents of the Halloween experience here, in addition to various dial-up internet sounds at the ride entrance. Yet another rough, air-timeless ride. It was also my first time back on this since the re-track. It certainly isn’t the “glass smooth” experience some people claim to have had, as were both jolted from side to side like a warped pinball machine. “It’s like re-riding the Wild Mouse this”, was an overheard comment emerging onto the brakes.
Having never done Space Invader, Lost is a great insight into the building. A rather attentive plague doctor character escorted us from the queue in a small group of six up to the first scene, with rabid actors banging on cages as we were shouted at by their owner. I can see why this maze gets its name from here on out, as the theme of the maze is generally quite lost. A mishmash of scenes which, despite the actors generally putting on quite good performances, still did not distract from the gigantic “STORAGE AREA 8” or “SANTA’S GROTTO” outlines on the concrete floor. It’s an impressive space inside and could be much better utilised. The maze itself was certainly too short, but kudos to the actors for giving it their all.
The PB Express. Or, in this instance, “Hexpress”. Now on a normal day, I love this ride as it’s a pleasant sit down for ten minutes on a great piece of the park’s history. When it’s being marketed as a Halloween attraction, however, there’s certainly a lot of potential for actors and scenes galore to scare the living crap out of you.
Instead? We were batched to the rear of the train in a group of 20-30 or so, being told a seemingly improvised on-the-spot story by a dead daughter and her father character. In traditional PB customer service, lots of swearing and effing and jeffing at late comers who sat at the front of the train and failed to hear anything.
The train ride itself was uneventful. The first tunnel was oddly illuminated with blinding white lights as we entered, but cut to black as the rear of the train entered (this element would have been lost on anyone at the front). Of course, this alludes you into thinking something is going to happen. Of course, it didn’t.
We eventually arrived at the Burger King/Hotels station, naturally expecting something to occur as the train clanged to a halt. The actors stepped off, telling us the remainder of the story in an overly giddy manner about how the father pushed the daughter under the carriage of the 4mph train to kill her. Anything else? No. That’s it folks. Off we go. There were some omnious looking props on the station platform, which would have been superb for a jump scare had they come to life. Of course, they did not.
For you avid vlog watchers, all I can say is that Sanbrooke’s reflection in his vlog will not depict the words that came out of his mouth on pulling back into the station. On arriving back onto the platform, there was an entire train of eager guests badgering us all to ask what happens before they board. They were pittied.
Hell Tunnels was the most interesting, and arguably the best attraction we experienced of the night. Whilst the scenes are a total mishmash once again, the majority of the actors were on great form, particularly the creepy incestuous Uncle type at the ¾ point. This maze takes you through much of the behind-the-scenes infrastructure of the park between the Wallace and River Caves, with various pieces of memorabilia and old theming scattered around towards the end. The set pieces in here were quite impressive to boot, so it was great to end an attraction in the evening on a positive note.
The final attraction we experienced of the evening was the freak clown house maze thing inside Impossible (with the swing closed off, naturally). This was a firm middle ground between Lost and Hell Tunnels, with some impressive costumes and the actors being on good form, with a mix of some great set pieces but also some rather uninspired ones. The finale featured watching a giant H&B leisure teddy get hacked to pieces by a rubber axe, before being forced out by a leaf blower chain saw.
As we went over to the Ghost Train for the final attraction of the evening, with still some time to spare, we realised it was closed. No apologies from any of the management we approached about this, “that’s just the way it is, unfortunately” shrugged one of them. I’d like to see them tell that to paying guests for the remainder of the event. Supposedly the Ghost Train is the real highlight, with actors galore throughout. An error on our part for not doing it sooner, perhaps, but the very least they could have done was advise us at the start of what order they were planning to close things. The Big One also seemed to be closed well short of the closing time as well.
There was no finesse to the end of the event either. The music was simply turned off, and park staff stood around awkwardly waiting for guests to leave. No thank yous, no goodbyes, just a consensus of press and camera wielders stood around slowly edging towards the exit gates.
For the amount of money the event costs, the ride line-up / utilisation is quite poor. River Caves and Ghost Train are the obvious, well-selected choices, but you could tell everyone was longing for Icon to be the candidate open over Infusion, and the PB Express usage was almost insulting. The mazes certainly aren’t top of the class in any way shape or form. The theming usage is mixed from great to no effort, and the scripting is either poor or non-existent at all. Get a bad run through as the result of the actors (who arguably make these mazes) having a bad day, and the likelihood is you’ll be bitterly disappointed.
I’m grateful for the ability to attend, of course, the event has always intrigued me. Would I pay for it, however? I’d rather take my cash elsewhere and revisit Pleasure Beach for the sole purpose of riding some of the woodies and Icon at night.
TLDR:
Needs more ambience and theming. Typical Pleasure Beach closing attractions when they want to. Mazes fluctuate in quality. PB Hexpress is an insult to scare attractions. Needs more Icon.