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Bullying on Towers Street

imanautie said:
Have messaged craig.
Not entirely sure what you are getting at saying I'm deflecting issues towards myself? (And twice?)

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You have said that you have had issues with this forum on 2 occasions in you last posts.

If I was doing that I would say,this happens and that happened and how it made me feel or contact the mods direct rather than just posting “ I have had issues”

My point was, if you do that how would you like us to respond?


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monkeyboy said:
You have said that you have had issues with this forum on 2 occasions in you last posts.

If I was doing that I would say,this happens and that happened and how it made me feel or contact the mods direct rather than just posting “ I have had issues”

My point was, if you do that how would you like us to respond?


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2 seperate points, one was me saying I had issues, the other was me saying I think the team is doing an overall best they can job.

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imanautie said:
2 seperate points, one was me saying I had issues, the other was me saying I think the team is doing an overall best they can job.

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*I'm not mentioning what the issues where publicly as I'm mid burn out so not able to cope with the inevitable backlash.

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imanautie said:
*I'm not mentioning what the issues where publicly as I'm mid burn out so not able to cope with the inevitable backlash.

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Ok. Not sure what “burn out” means these days, so you are worried about the responses online from you comments?


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monkeyboy said:
Ok. Not sure what “burn out” means these days, so you are worried about the responses online from you comments?


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It's an autistic thing ( )
And yes I am worried about the responses I would get hence me not mentioning the issue in question.
Towers Street by its nature of being a mainly single timezone site has moderation lag inevitable.

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imanautie said:
It's an autistic thing ( )
And yes I am worried about the responses I would get hence me not mentioning the issue in question.
Towers Street by its nature of being a mainly single timezone site has moderation lag inevitable.

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Which I appreciate. I have no friends/colleagues/family that I can relate to,so it’s also difficult for me to understand your point of view. Dm me if you need reassurance or crappy advice!

Unfortunately the world is a messed up place and any forum will show, it’s good and bad and fu**ed up in the middle.

I and many other ppl will struggle with posting their comments and trying to/not understanding feelings of members with autism.

I hope this can open a discussion to move things forward!


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monkeyboy said:
Which I appreciate. I have no friends/colleagues/family that I can relate to,so it’s also difficult for me to understand your point of view. Dm me if you need reassurance or crappy advice!

Unfortunately the world is a messed up place and any forum will show, it’s good and bad and fu**ed up in the middle.

I and many other ppl will struggle with posting their comments and trying to/not understanding feelings of members with autism.

I hope this can open a discussion to move things forward!


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I suspect a lot of the clashes we've seen are caused by the mismatch in communication styles between autistics and allistic's (not autistic).

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imanautie said:
I suspect a lot of the clashes we've seen are caused by the mismatch in communication styles between autistics and allistic's (not autistic).

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I agree

Maybe there should be a new topic and we can all voice our opinions.

It should be a positive experience from all sides


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It's good to see people posting about their own experiences and more importantly seeing others offering to discuss in dedicated topics. Feel free to start one if you wish, I'm sure it'll be many would be interested to participate.

Thanks to @imanautie for getting in touch too, as booth myself and Sazzle already mentioned it's important if others feel there's things to be reviewed or addressed that they get in touch :)
 
I think part of the problem is that there will always be, rightly or wrongly consciously or subconsciously, a hierarchy of popularity amongst members and mods - it already manifests with the different member status or banner that are handed down from on high.
This happens easily when people form in real life connections and cannot be avoided - after all you’re always going to look out for your mates aren’t you?
Cliques form and people will be part of different cliques. It’s not a bad thing as said we are all not going to get on with everyone.

Inevitably if you clash with or, heaven forbid, have a different opinion than someone who is held in higher esteem you will always come out on the losing side of the discussion (see how I didn’t use the word argument?) additionally those trying to curry favour with said person (and raise their own station through association) will jump on the bandwagon And before you know it you have the disapproval of 20 people who think it’s open season to ridicule and deride you.

I was a member (and probably still am) of the site that spawned this site, which many mods here were also mods so I feel it’s relevant.
Me and another member had an argument over something real petty on the forum. We were both, rightly, warned about our conduct. However it did not end there. Unbeknownst to me I had taken on such a member and a campaign was waged against me in Direct Messages between members, social media (I don’t do Facebook). Without knowing it I hadn’t been ostracised by all. I had attended a meet before close of season this particular year and got on with the majority of the group. However opening day no one would talk to me, I queued on my own, people wandered away from me when I tried to talk to them and I was batched in a group of one as no one appeared to want to sit with me either! Not once did anyone reach out for my side of the story. One persons view was taken as gospel shared amongst a group and a decision made that I was now the singular worst person in the world - all over a petty little argument on a forum. Thankfully, for me at least, I do not think this member jumped ship here.

This experience and my own autistic tendencies and fear of judgement has always led me to not post often on forums anywhere.

Fingers crossed I’ve not just done the same here....

In an attempt to be balanced in this post I considered how (if you accept what I say above is true) how could this be resolved in an amicable way. Frankly I couldn’t see one. In my own experience shared above if one person had made me aware of what was happening behind my back perhaps the outcome would’ve been the same except that perhaps I would have not attended the meet and would not have experienced the shame and embarrassment I endured that day.
You certainly can’t vet members for petty or psychopathic tendencies and decline membership because of this. You can’t dissuade people from congregating around people who they get on with and are friends with.
Personally I have friends made from the various Pokemon groups I am a member of. Before the pandemic we were all going to Worlds in London together these were friend online in similar circumstances to here.
About member “status” (if again accepted that this is a problem) perhaps doing away with the different badges titles post count and likes (being seen publicly at least) could deter some of the fame hungry and band wagon jumping? I’m not sure.

I fear I’ve become a little waffly here and may have deviated form my initial point so I shall end here.
 
Alolan Diglett said:
I think part of the problem is that there will always be, rightly or wrongly consciously or subconsciously, a hierarchy of popularity amongst members and mods - it already manifests with the different member status or banner that are handed down from on high.
This happens easily when people form in real life connections and cannot be avoided - after all you’re always going to look out for your mates aren’t you?
Cliques form and people will be part of different cliques. It’s not a bad thing as said we are all not going to get on with everyone.

Inevitably if you clash with or, heaven forbid, have a different opinion than someone who is held in higher esteem you will always come out on the losing side of the discussion (see how I didn’t use the word argument?) additionally those trying to curry favour with said person (and raise their own station through association) will jump on the bandwagon And before you know it you have the disapproval of 20 people who think it’s open season to ridicule and deride you.

I was a member (and probably still am) of the site that spawned this site, which many mods here were also mods so I feel it’s relevant.
Me and another member had an argument over something real petty on the forum. We were both, rightly, warned about our conduct. However it did not end there. Unbeknownst to me I had taken on such a member and a campaign was waged against me in Direct Messages between members, social media (I don’t do Facebook). Without knowing it I hadn’t been ostracised by all. I had attended a meet before close of season this particular year and got on with the majority of the group. However opening day no one would talk to me, I queued on my own, people wandered away from me when I tried to talk to them and I was batched in a group of one as no one appeared to want to sit with me either! Not once did anyone reach out for my side of the story. One persons view was taken as gospel shared amongst a group and a decision made that I was now the singular worst person in the world - all over a petty little argument on a forum. Thankfully, for me at least, I do not think this member jumped ship here.

This experience and my own autistic tendencies and fear of judgement has always led me to not post often on forums anywhere.

Fingers crossed I’ve not just done the same here....

In an attempt to be balanced in this post I considered how (if you accept what I say above is true) how could this be resolved in an amicable way. Frankly I couldn’t see one. In my own experience shared above if one person had made me aware of what was happening behind my back perhaps the outcome would’ve been the same except that perhaps I would have not attended the meet and would not have experienced the shame and embarrassment I endured that day.
You certainly can’t vet members for petty or psychopathic tendencies and decline membership because of this. You can’t dissuade people from congregating around people who they get on with and are friends with.
Personally I have friends made from the various Pokemon groups I am a member of. Before the pandemic we were all going to Worlds in London together these were friend online in similar circumstances to here.
About member “status” (if again accepted that this is a problem) perhaps doing away with the different badges titles post count and likes (being seen publicly at least) could deter some of the fame hungry and band wagon jumping? I’m not sure.

I fear I’ve become a little waffly here and may have deviated form my initial point so I shall end here.
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I'm not entirely sure they can hide all that for users of Tapatalk.
It's interesting that yet again being autistic gets mentioned, it's really seeming like a trend.

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imanautie said:
I'm not entirely sure they can hide all that for users of Tapatalk.
It's interesting that yet again being autistic gets mentioned, it's really seeming like a trend.

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Perhaps conversation for elsewhere about autism but as an autistic person previous social worker for LD children and now adult LD social worker, I’ll never claim to be an authority but I can talk with some experience.

Of course autistic people (I will abbreviate to AP) will gravitate towards online forums about specific interest. Usually AP have specific focused interest and want to know more beyond most people will want to know. AP will take comfort of interacting with people whilst not having to be face to face. Forums allow AP to consider and write their responses, altering if need be, to ensure their response is perfect in their eyes (guess how many times I reread that and altered slightly)
Obviously I’m not inclusive of everything but you’ll get my point
 
Alolan Diglett said:
Perhaps conversation for elsewhere about autism but as an autistic person previous social worker for LD children and now adult LD social worker, I’ll never claim to be an authority but I can talk with some experience.

Of course autistic people (I will abbreviate to AP) will gravitate towards online forums about specific interest. Usually AP have specific focused interest and want to know more beyond most people will want to know. AP will take comfort of interacting with people whilst not having to be face to face. Forums allow AP to consider and write their responses, altering if need be, to ensure their response is perfect in their eyes (guess how many times I reread that and altered slightly)
Obviously I’m not inclusive of everything but you’ll get my point
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If anyone can think of a good title for a thread about autism please create one, I'd be happy to join in!

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