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How can we get rid of interfering parents who live 5 doors up..

N

Noonie99

TS Member
Hi all,
I had no idea where to put this topic, but this seemed a possible good place as I am looking for some serious advice!
Our situation is this:
My man and I have been together for nearly 2 years and have been living together since Christmas last year. He has children with an ex who is a nightmare to say the least!
His dad lives 5 doors up from us, in total cahoots with the "ex" and goes out on trips and meals with her and the kids often. We decided not to be part of this "family weirdness" becuase they have been divorced 5 years and quite honestly dont need to be doing stupid little meals together.
Basically my man and his ex have shared custody so it works out that every other weekend we have the children with odd days inbetween.
However the ex never really has the children and maintains she is "working". So the kids are now 5 doors up, and constantly interfering in our weekends off, just coming round unexpected and we arent getting a break!
Weve had two major bust ups with his dad and all of our requests to have a break, or phone before you come round pleas have fallen on deaf ears. His dad used to just "walk in" when I first moved in which i found bloody wrong! Especially as we could be "busy" or having a row?! They then got nasty because we started locking the door??!
We are looking to move but its not as easy as it sounds what with money, location etc..

So I am looking for any advice someone may be able to give. Its so hard living so close when our privacy is not respected and a lot of the time when I get home the ex's car is parked outside!
Help anyone pleeeeaasssseeee...
 
moved to Corner Coffee as its a serious topic. Ben
 
Riiight then....

I fully confess to being a 16 year old who hasn't been in this situation. Think of my opinions what you please.

This may sound horrid but you might have to put your foot down with then completely.

Kick them out when they turn up, get nasty with the adults and be a horrible person. If your other half also does this then they will leave you the hell alone. They will back off. It is a horrible thing to do. They will either get the message or fall completely out with you but it sounds like drastic action is needed.

I am truly feeling sorry for your prediciment but it needs to be done.

If you need a friendly person to complain to, shoot me a line :)

Hope this helps.

Sent from my GT-S5830 using Tapatalk 2
 
Am I right in thinking you are complaining that your partner's children sometimes come to your house on your 'weekends off'? I wasn't aware that parents had weekends off, to be honest. If you don't want to handle the baggage that comes with step families etc, then don't go there in the first place. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but having been in a relationship with someone who has kids, you have to accept that the children come first, you can't just allow them in your lives when it is convenient for you. One of the reasons I left, because I couldn't handle it...
 
I have fully accepted that the children will come first, however a phone call before hand from the "grandparents" is not too much to ask when quite rightly we make plans when we have our weekends off. I find it unacceptable when we are having a lie in on a saturday morning having the doorbell ringing and ringing and ringing without the common decency to call us first. We have every right to say we are busy and lets face it, it wouldn't happen at all if we lived 20 miles away?!
I always put those children first and consider myself to be a bloody saint to put up with what I have had to endure, because quite honestly I love him and thats what comes with it, I was just crying out for help to be honest because they just live too close and we cannot breathe.
I appreciate your comment but as a 30 year old trying to start her own life, its not easy when you are constantly living someones "past".
 
Poison Tom 96 said:
Riiight then....

I fully confess to being a 16 year old who hasn't been in this situation. Think of my opinions what you please.

This may sound horrid but you might have to put your foot down with then completely.

Kick them out when they turn up, get nasty with the adults and be a horrible person. If your other half also does this then they will leave you the hell alone. They will back off. It is a horrible thing to do. They will either get the message or fall completely out with you but it sounds like drastic action is needed.

I am truly feeling sorry for your prediciment but it needs to be done.

If you need a friendly person to complain to, shoot me a line :)

Hope this helps.


Sent from my GT-S5830 using Tapatalk 2
Click to expand...

Thank You thats really kind and I appreciate it.
 
And just to add to it, every time we have the children we work our socks off and dont like their mother dump them off five doors up from us every weekend she is supposed to have them. Half the time we dont even know they are up the road until they are banging the door down or just turning up when we have company!
Sorry rant over, but I work damn hard and I agree that by being a parent you accept your life comes second, but when you know you have every other weekend off, you would expect some common decency from the "grown ups" involved, to consider that we may have plans or may even be having some "alone time" together!!
 
Take what I say with a pinch of salt, after all this is the internet etc etc.

If the children are coming to visit you so much, surely they must enjoy spending time with you, and prefer you to their mother. You need to tell the children that as much as you like spending time with them, and you're flattered that they want to see you, that they need to spend time with their mother.

I understand completely that you want your own space to do your own thing, and that you don't want to upset either party, but I'd suggest speaking to the mother and saying that she needs to make her time with her children more valued by the children.

Yeah. That's my idea anyway. Or, tell them the house is haunted.
 
Thank You thats very sound advice. Sadly though their mother isn't exactly what you would calleasy going. She claims to be "working" when its her time with the children, which is why my other halfs dad take them all the time. I would have thought his dad really would have the decency to understand that we make plans and organise our holiday around not having the children, there just doesn't seem to be any respect for us. I think you are right though, maybe talking to the children is the way to go, that way when they want to come round they may remember what we said..
The children bought me a present a few months back and it was only a small thing but I loved it. On Sunday the little boy spotted it on my bed side cabinet and said "we bought you that" I said "yes and I love it" this was his response "do you know Nana said we shouldn't bother buying that for you becuase you never spend your money on us". Firstly, how rude, secondly its not my place to spend the money and thirdly, i have spent a lot of money on food, and days out etc, AND I spend my whole time with them, playing games and messing about making them laugh when we have them. I found that comment really nasty and from what sounds like a jealous Nana! how sad is that? Their son has found someone who is decent and kind and they dont like it??
I tell you the sooner we can move the better!
Thanks all for the comments it feels good to talk about it tbh!
 
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