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Is it OK for a driving instructor to run errands during a driving lesson?

Is it OK for a driving instructor to run errands during a driving lesson?

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In hindsight, I think “shouting” was a poor choice of words on my part and might portray that she gets angrier at me than she does. I wouldn’t say that she ever gets properly raging at me; she does raise her voice, but I’d more call it firm annoyance and exasperation rather than full-on seething rage.

She does definitely raise her voice with me from time to time, but I’d never have described her as flat-out angry. I do, however, get the overriding impression that my flaws often exasperate her. I could be misreading this, but there often seems to be a bit of an undertone of annoyance with my behaviours from her when I mess up. When I drive badly, she seems somewhat exasperated and annoyed in the same way that my dentist gets somewhat exasperated and annoyed when I gag during the mouth x-ray or come in for a checkup feeling anxious. And as I said before, she does occasionally like to startle me into moving more quickly when I’m being hesitant with something like a finger click.

And she does sometimes express repeated annoyance and keep referencing my mistakes when things go wrong. The other week, I had a particularly awful double lesson in Monmouth, where I completely messed up a reverse park in the test centre and spent ages overthinking it (and as a result, massively overthought my other manoeuvres), was quite hesitant, and just generally made a fair few mistakes. She made lots of little jabs about that reverse park and talked for a good 5-10 minutes as we were driving back home about how I’m a far worse driver in the afternoon, how badly the lesson went and how terrible that reverse park was. We had a conversation that started something like this:
*I’m driving along a country lane to get back home. The lesson is almost over.*
  • Instructor: My god, you’re on one today. You’re definitely a far worse driver in the afternoon.
  • Me: *silence*
  • Instructor: Well? How do you think that went?
  • Me: Not very well?
  • Instructor: That did not go well at all. That reverse park in the test centre… my god, what the hell happened there? You’ve done that manoeuvre fine before, but it was a complete abortion today! And all your others were off as well.
  • Me: I guess I just got thrown off by the first one. I sometimes get a bit thrown off when I can’t use my typical method, and the test centre is one of those car parks where I can’t.
  • Instructor: That’s not good enough. You can’t assume that every car park will work with the method I taught you, and you’re overthinking things way too much. You need to do less thinking and more doing!
  • Instructor: You were also a complete ditherer, and in general, you just didn’t have a good lesson today… you’re definitely a far worse driver in the afternoon. What time is your test booked for?
  • Me: 1:25pm
  • Instructor: Oh dear; we’ve got a big problem…
I won’t lie, that particular exchange did not fill me with great confidence about my upcoming test, and indeed, I do wonder whether booking a test for 1:25pm in the afternoon was a good idea given what she says about me being a far worse driver in the afternoon (this is a hypothesis of hers, and I’m starting to wonder if there’s something in it). After that particular lesson, I was honestly on the verge of bursting into tears when I got out the car due to how badly it went (and it’s far from the first lesson where I’ve felt that way).

However, I don’t think it’s her fault and I don’t feel that any of this is sufficient cause for me to take any action such as changing instructor or complaining. I see her getting annoyed with me as understandable and merely her holding me to account for my rubbish driving; I know that I can be an exasperating person to deal with at the best of times (as many of my exchanges on here over the years have proven), and I am the one driving the car, not her. I also imagine that most driving instructors shout or get angry from time to time; my sister’s instructor apparently used to shout at her, and my parents’ instructors used to shout at them back in the early 90s, so I was led to believe that a little shouting and anger was just part of the experience. I imagine that any driving instructor would get exasperated with me; I have many annoying driving flaws, and if I were to rule out anyone who shouted or expressed anger or annoyance from time to time, I’d be ruling out 99.9% of the population. If I can’t cope with someone shouting at me or expressing anger or annoyance occasionally, I won’t get very far in life.

My instructor is overall a really nice woman who I get on well with, and she is also positive when I drive well; it’s not all doom and gloom by any means! And even if I thought differently and wasn’t getting on well with her, my honest perspective is that with a test coming up in February, I’d rather not change this late in the game; “better the devil you know” and all that!
 
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"However, I don’t think it’s her fault and I don’t feel that any of this is sufficient cause for me to take any action such as changing instructor or complaining. I see her getting annoyed with me as understandable and merely her holding me to account for my rubbish driving"

No. Her crap attitude isn't forgiven by somebody being a nervous learner. She's meant to be teaching you, not berating you.
 
I’ve resisted chiming in until now but that exchange sounds horrible Matt. She’s the one who should be accountable for your driving ability since she’s the one who’s bloody taught you! Alarm bells should be ringing.

I was put in for my test, failed first time, and then spent 4-6 weeks learning with my Dad driving around the wider local area to practice, whilst maintaining my weekly lessons with my driving instructor. The first thing my Dad commented was that my ability was much lower than it should have been. Passed second time with flying colours less than 2 months later. It can be done. Get a second opinion.
 
@Matt N that post reads like a cry for help! I understand you dont like confrontation. Just ignore her and book lessons with someone else.

The afternoon test thing is absolute rubbish and sounds manipulative. She's putting doubt in your mind when you clearly need encouragement.

I'm genuinely annoyed with this situation :tearsofjoy:

She compared your driving to an abortion. Get rid.
 
Jesus wept.

As someone who took a few tests to pass (usually one error or situation causing it) sounds like the absolute worst possible method of teaching someone. Know all too well that one error can mess up the rest of the drive/test and talking like that to you is nothing short of abusive.

Learner and new drivers always hesitate more. Knowing when you have space takes a long time to get used to, and clicking or commenting on it in the manner that she is is totally wrong. Having someone badgering you like that is far more distracting.

You're gonna have to make a decision Matt about whether this belitting nature is going to make you pass or not. If my kid is going through this in 16 odd years I'd be telling her to dump the teacher as they're not helping.
 
Again, just to offer your the assurance which your terrible instructor is literally paid by you to give you -

It's perfectly normal to screw up a parking manoeuvre. Reverse parking I get right first time about 75% of the time, the rest I have to shunt a bit. Tight parallel parking I'd say I get right first time maybe 50% of the time, the rest I'll come out completely for another attempt. I've been driving for 10 years, 9 of which mostly in the same car (without parking sensors).

It's not realistic to expect yourself to park perfectly every time, and your instructor should be offering you that assurance, not likening your effort to a flipping abortion. So far as I know you don't have to get it 'in one' to pass the test either, so long as you recover it safely (checking all around each time you change direction), continue and complete it. Ultimately if you balls it up then you balls it up, it happens to the best of us.
 
While I thought that the small amount of money involved was probably not worth changing instructors over, given the new information I tend to agree with everyone else... it may be worth finding a new, more supportive instructor. An empathetic, supportive instructor might be the difference between you being unsure about your driving ability and becoming confident in it.
 
Matt N said:
We had a conversation that started something like this:
*I’m driving along a country lane to get back home. The lesson is almost over.*
  • Instructor: My god, you’re on one today. You’re definitely a far worse driver in the afternoon.
  • Me: *silence*
  • Instructor: Well? How do you think that went?
  • Me: Not very well?
  • Instructor: That did not go well at all. That reverse park in the test centre… my god, what the hell happened there? You’ve done that manoeuvre fine before, but it was a complete abortion today! And all your others were off as well.
  • Me: I guess I just got thrown off by the first one. I sometimes get a bit thrown off when I can’t use my typical method, and the test centre is one of those car parks where I can’t.
  • Instructor: That’s not good enough. You can’t assume that every car park will work with the method I taught you, and you’re overthinking things way too much. You need to do less thinking and more doing!
  • Instructor: You were also a complete ditherer, and in general, you just didn’t have a good lesson today… you’re definitely a far worse driver in the afternoon. What time is your test booked for?
  • Me: 1:25pm
  • Instructor: Oh dear; we’ve got a big problem…
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I cannot believe what I have just read here.

This is abuse. Verbal and emotional abuse, from someone whom you are paying a lot of money to educate you and treat you with respect.

I'm upset on your behalf that she is essentially preying on your trusting and kind-hearted nature to belittle you and destroy your confidence.

A good instructor might give you feedback on something you could have done better, but they would NEVER keep harking back to it to illustrate what a poor learner you are. We make mistakes, learn from them and move on. Describing errors with derogatory, offensive terms such as 'abortion' is completely unacceptable.

I can't agree with @MattyH more. GET THIS TOXIC PERSON OUT OF YOUR LIFE AS SOON AS YOU CAN.

NB. Your dentist is no better. Lots of people are anxious about going to the dentist, especially those within the neurodivergent community. Some people also have a stronger gag reflex than others do. Patience and understanding, not exasperation and annoyance, are the appropriate response. I have been lucky that I've had mainly good dentists who have been reassuring in the face of my anxiety and even coached me to control my gag reflex. You deserve no less.
 
I am not sure what to make of this. Is she gas lighting you or has she forgotten the following

Human factors
on the spot discussion and move on,
Good bad good feedback,
Learning point feedback, (was call supportive negative feedback)

Lets take the reverse bay park.

She should of said something as it getting out of shape along the lines of " you can do this, just take a breath and think what can i do to correct this."
Then the instructor could give input or say nothing and assess your independent correction process.

Once parked have a discussion on the maneuver, giving positive and learning point feedback on it.
Only reference to it should be bullet points before the next attempt if it later in the lesson e.g. remember you need to start straightening your wheels at x point.

As for the 'your on one thing' it should of been a parked up discussion starting with " your driving has been a little off this lesson, is everything ok." Which could lead into a good discussion on physical and emotional side of human factors affecting driving.

I am not a driving instructor however i have been on many driving course to know how it work and have a low level education qual for training.

It would be interesting to see what a teacher/ lecturer though of her teaching style.


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Indeed I agree with the consensus that you should change instructors. This does not seem to be a healthy relationship.

Another instructor will be able to reassess your learning and give you better instruction, the only thing you may have to consider (though I think unlikely) is that another instructor may come to the conclusion driving isn’t for you, but that’s better than someone taking 2 years of money off you yet not even trying a test.
 
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