Relationship Advice

[Irish Chris]

Another thing to add for James, it's important to arrange plenty of dates first before you have sex and at first if you're cautious about having it lots, take your time and try to arrange dates where you know you won't end up just having sex. This is quickly let you find out what the other person is interested in.

But most importantly when you do start dating again, speak openly about how you've been hurt in the past and how you want to take things slow. If the person is genuinely interested in you they'll appreciate your honesty and will want to take it slow.

 

[Pixie-Ro]

Well James, there has definitely got to be a sexual connection in the first place, but to make the relationship last it does have to go deeper, but there's no point denying that great sex usually comes first! How long do you usually wait before sex? Generally if it's a first night thing it's a no-go relationship wise, although saying that my friend met her husband in a nightclub and I do believe they did the deed that night!
I suppose what I'm saying, in a round about and entirely unhelpful way, is that when it's the one, you'll know, and if it's meant be it will be, no matter how soon (or often!) you have sex! And as far as I'm concerned, only crazy people dump someone for having too much sex!!

 

[James]

How long do you usually wait before sex?

Pretty soon, too soon in fact. Last relationship we had sex on the third date, relationship before that we had sex only after a week of knowing each other!

Mainly it's been down to the other person. Generally I do not mention or even bother going in the way of anything sexual. I am going to try my best though to not keep things going like this with people. I'm not the type of person that goes around sleeping with countless amounts of people. I am after something worthwhile and want to enter a long term loving relationship - both emotionally and sexually. Although I want to hit the emotional mark first.

 

[Stelios]

I have the same problem I like a girl in my year (Shock!) (A lot and I mean nearly every boy in my class says im gay when im straight) shes qute anyway I dont know if she likes me or not I mean she likes me as a freind but I dunno in a relationship kinda way?!

Don't worry about it. Boys are prone to "joshing" each other by always taking the Mickey. Only you know the true answer to that question. Prove em' wrong and befriend her before building a steady relationship with her. I wish you the best of luck.

 

[Sam]

My last relationship is the worst example of this, we met online, I went over his house two times then on the third time we did the hanky panky, then got in a relationship.

You met twice before having sex?! This is alien to me.

I wouldn't worry too much. All 5 of my relationships began with one night stands. Three of those have been successful, so it doesn't really bother me!

I quite like getting to know people in bed, after sex. Just stay in bed, and talk and talk and talk while you stroke their hair or something.

Or alternatively, designate times out of bed. Like, going for a long walk, or just somewhere that forces you into getting to know the person outside the bedroom.

 

[Dave]

James your not unusual every relationship has lots of sex at the beginning, it does slow down. The relationships are not ending because of the sex just that they where not right for either of you.

Your young and good looking, there is no magic moment... I say enjoy the sex, embrace the freedom whilst maintaining respect for your body and others and at some point the right person will stick. You are not abnormal in what you are experiencing.

 

[SLC]

I also have no clue what to do. I, as much as I really don't want to, am falling into the trap of being in love with two people. Thankfully, I'm not in a relationship, but here's the background.

There's this one girl I've been in love with since last summer, and we get on well. We joke around and we talked in lessons quite a bit. Then, we both signed up for a school trip to Malaga, and I was going to ask her out just before but didn't have the balls. When we were in Spain, we talked even more, walked from place to place together and I tried to wait until we were alone before I asked her. However, there was one opportunity the entire week, when we were on a public bus together, and it completely slipped my mind. I regret this. Since then (October) we've grown more distant, although we still get along.

In all of my classes this year, I've been put next to this nice girl who I get along with even better. No clue if this is a joke/sarcastic/friendship thing/whatever but in lessons and over FB when we talk she's been telling me that she loves me. Slowly over the last week or two, I've started to show a bit more affection for her. I have a feeling that she'll ask me out or something quite soon, but if she does I really don't know what to say.

Just needed to get that off my back, help isn't necessary but would possibly be appreciated.

 

[Joseph]

I did'nt ask I was too shy and I felt I dont know her too well so maybe in a week I will ask!

 

[RyanY]

I did'nt ask I was too shy and I felt I dont know her too well so maybe in a week I will ask!

You've let us down Joesph.

I kid, pick the time that feels right.

 

[Panda]

I also have no clue what to do. I, as much as I really don't want to, am falling into the trap of being in love with two people. Thankfully, I'm not in a relationship, but here's the background.

There's this one girl I've been in love with since last summer, and we get on well. We joke around and we talked in lessons quite a bit. Then, we both signed up for a school trip to Malaga, and I was going to ask her out just before but didn't have the balls. When we were in Spain, we talked even more, walked from place to place together and I tried to wait until we were alone before I asked her. However, there was one opportunity the entire week, when we were on a public bus together, and it completely slipped my mind. I regret this. Since then (October) we've grown more distant, although we still get along.

In all of my classes this year, I've been put next to this nice girl who I get along with even better. No clue if this is a joke/sarcastic/friendship thing/whatever but in lessons and over FB when we talk she's been telling me that she loves me. Slowly over the last week or two, I've started to show a bit more affection for her. I have a feeling that she'll ask me out or something quite soon, but if she does I really don't know what to say.

Just needed to get that off my back, help isn't necessary but would possibly be appreciated.

I think you should try and go for the 2nd one. I hate to say this, but you shouldn't let the 1st person get in the way of you getting closer to anyone else! If you like #2, then why not give her a chance? You wouldn't believe how happy you'd make her.
If she does happen to ask you out, tell her how you genuinely feel. She'll have a lot more respect for you if you tell her the truth. If you're not ready for a relationship yet, tell her! Ask her if she'd still like to be close friends and see what it develops into? However if you do want to be with her, then don't hesitate to decline.

----

I did'nt ask I was too shy and I felt I dont know her too well so maybe in a week I will ask!

Don't be too shy around girls! If she's quiet, she'll think it's cute. If she's a not-so-quiet type, she may find it awkward around you. Always think the best of yourself, and approach her with confidence! As others have said, talk about her, ask questions and maintain interest. You never know..

----

Today, we had a good few laughs and a talk, and I walked with her for a bit. Things are looking good for me. Also, she lives around the corner from me, and she is often out around the same time as I am, so I can talk to her then. I think she likes me more out of school than in as I'm more relaxed.
I may be out with her later, so I'll update you then as well.

Sounds like she does have interest in you. Can't wait to hear your update later! ;D

If anyone has anything that bothers them, don't question yourself to drop me a PM at any time.

----

My situation?

I come across with a rather 'untouchable' character, as in anything anyone says doesn't affect me. It's not really like that at all, I'm just afraid of getting hurt but I refuse to show it.
It's hard to find someone who will accept you for your personality around here. If you look like a slut then you'll be recognised, if not, don't even let a relationship cross your mind. Problem is, I have next to no self-confidence, so that holds me back a lot. I'm honest, loyal and affectionate, but who really cares about that? It seems that all relationships around me are based on drinking, drugs and sex, even for someone as young as I am. Whenever I do build confidence, it's always been knocked out of me pretty quickly, so I return to square 1.

 

[Andrew]

Hey Georgia!
There's always someone perfect for another. It just takes a while to find that someone!

There are always people in the world who feel like they'll be alone, but they find someone. The others who are actually alone may be in troubled times, or have not looked far enough!

Remember what Dumbledore said: "Oh, to be young and to feel love's keen sting."

This means that, when you are young, things come to you quickly and as a shock, such as relationships. You never know, the perfect partner could be right in front of you, but you do not notice it

 

[Moley]

If all else fails, there will be at least 1 person who will eventually be forced to settle for you or die alone.

That counts as advice, right?

 

[Badgy]

If your looking for a perfect gift as an ice breaker and is very cheap whilst giving the other person a sense of you then look no further than Mix Tapes.

Those of a certain age will know what i mean and apparently you can get usb versions now.

Badgy

Sent from my GT-I9100 using Tapatalk 2

 

[Imagination]

My situation?

I come across with a rather 'untouchable' character, as in anything anyone says doesn't affect me. It's not really like that at all, I'm just afraid of getting hurt but I refuse to show it.
It's hard to find someone who will accept you for your personality around here. If you look like a slut then you'll be recognised, if not, don't even let a relationship cross your mind.

Georgiaa,

You seem all hardcore and unaffected but it's all a show to not get hurt - high five love. When I start getting into relationships or am in one I am always constantly reassuring myself they're not cheating or reassuring myself they're being honest etc. I'm hopeless! When you are let down or hurt greatly by someone you opened up to once, it suddenly affects you strongly for the long term future. Sadly, that means you need to build yourself back up from the beginning again. Then, wait for the right person to come along and build yourself and them self up together, as one unit.

I like to think of it like a really mature cheese (hang with me whilst I do this analogy ok?) The more you let the cheese mature, the more stronger and overpowering the taste will be once you eventually have to eat it. The relationship is the cheese and the taste is the aftermath once they hurt you. You can't help the cheese maturing and some times it matures quicker than other times. You just can't help your emotions or feelings and the speed at which they develop.

The thing is, you must love yourself for you as the extraordinary is what we are, not who we pretend or feel forced to be. You must find someone who will be attracted and eventually love you for you.

Problem is, I have next to no self-confidence, so that holds me back a lot. I'm honest, loyal and affectionate, but who really cares about that? It seems that all relationships around me are based on drinking, drugs and sex, even for someone as young as I am. Whenever I do build confidence, it's always been knocked out of me pretty quickly, so I return to square 1.

Self-confidence comes with trust and understanding. When you're with someone who, quite frankly, couldn't give a toss on your wishes and needs for the relationship is where the self-confidence leaves you and is destroyed. When someone in a relationship suddenly seems to be "different" in actions, words or ways in my view/mind or seems to be overly apologetic, it makes me automagically think I need to change myself or work out a different way to display affection - because I'm scared of waking up one day and they aren't interested any more and I'll be alone, like the last time. I understand what it's like to have no self-confidence, because I study drama people think you have bags of it but I simply don't. I'm not going into all that but just know that you can build up that confidence but it is a very slow and fragile process.

Over the course of time I've come to realise just how much I need to remain true to myself and who I am is who I should always be. Studying Drama has allowed me to specialise in different types of emotions and with this has come alter-egos. One of them deals with the pros and cons of sex and is COMPLETELY different to me in actions, comments, views and thoughts. He's a right naughty boy when on display - but it isn't me. He remains different TO me and I make it explicitly clear to people that he is just a dramatical alter-ego...(unless they request him ;P ) because people have been roped in by this alter-ego and then when they realise 'actually...it's not Mattia himself' they run a mile or vice versa. This is why you should always be comfortable with who you truly are and be you.

It takes time to learn to put your foot down, but it does come to you because you can't base a relationship on drinking, drugs and sex - it needs to be far deeper than that. You need to just hang fire, put your foot down and wait for someone to appear who wants an emotional relationship and something which is far more greater than anything lustful or material. To be honest I'd rather snuggle up and watch a disney film then go out or do that thing people call sex (eeeewww).

At the end of it all, if they truly like you and want to be with you, then they'll accept you for who you are and just how you are. If they don't, they're not even worth a breath of your oxygen.

 

[Pixie-Ro]

Oh I love a good mix tape! An ex of mine made one for me many years ago and that tape still has a very special place in my heart...several boyfriends and a husband later :-*

 

[Panda]

Wow, Mattiaaa, thankyou so much!
It's true, I'm not desperate, I can wait for someone who is worth it. ;D

I like to think of it like a really mature cheese (hang with me whilst I do this analogy ok?) The more you let the cheese mature, the more stronger and overpowering the taste will be once you eventually have to eat it. The relationship is the cheese and the taste is the aftermath once they hurt you. You can't help the cheese maturing and some times it matures quicker than other times. You just can't help your emotions or feelings and the speed at which they develop.

I love that! ;D

 

[Imagination]

No worries, good luck with relationships and just remember you're perfect exactly as you are and have to change for nobody!

 

[Will]

Relationship what's one of those?

I'm at the point where I've lost interest in everything I can't talk or communicate with anyone, I don't really fit in, I've not really got anything going for me and things seem to have just stopped.

I thought when I moved to college I'd meet new people and I have it's great I've a couple of new male friends who want to start a group which is fun and there are a group of lads who I hang around with, not close friends more of mates but that's about it, I speak to other people but it's just like now and again.

I'm not really sure what to do I think the key thing is just meeting new people that's really what I want to do what ever happens afterwards (or if we even speak again) is just a bonus.

 

[DaveW]

Relationship what's one of those?

I'm at the point where I've lost interest in everything I can't talk or communicate with anyone, I don't really fit in, I've not really got anything going for me and things seem to have just stopped.

I thought when I moved to college I'd meet new people and I have it's great I've a couple of new male friends who want to start a group which is fun and there are a group of lads who I hang around with, not close friends more of mates but that's about it, I speak to other people but it's just like now and again.

I'm not really sure what to do I think the key thing is just meeting new people that's really what I want to do what ever happens afterwards (or if we even speak again) is just a bonus.

You just need to get yourself out there. not as easy as it sounds i know, but just take the plunge. find some sort of society or club or something and get yourself involved, in those situations everyone is looking to meet new people so you are all on a level playing field

 

[SLC]

Ah, the old like someone but like someone else feeling.

What I would suggest is talking to both of them, and see who makes you feel more happy inside. The happier you are with one, go out with them.
It's a hard situation trying to ask a girl out, which I'll update you on in a moment, but just act casual around her, but when you feel that the moment is right, ask her! The moment will come and you will know when!

Cheers man. I think overall I have a much higher chance with the second girl anyway, but I'm still unsure.

@Georgiaa - thanks for the advice I don't think the first girl is getting in my way at all, so I'm just going to see how it all pans out. I think an honest approach would work best, and I'm sure she'd understand.

Me and girl #1 should be going back on the Spanish trip next October, so I think that will be the key week, unless anything else happens before then.

Thank you