The I Feel Down Topic.

Discussion in 'Corner Coffee' started by Adam, 13th Jun 2012.

  1. Rick

    Rick TowersStreet Member

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    I'll never forget that my Biology teacher lived with his ex-wife and her new husband and it "wasn't weird".

    Even as GCSE students, we knew it was odd.
     
  2. Panda

    Panda TowersStreet Member

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    Oh man, that's rough.

    I moved in with my current partner after only 4 months together. I was legally homeless, to be fair!
    We're doing great so far, except for "the pile" of clothes he accumulates that don't *quite* need washing.

    The rest of my life has been utter ass lately, which is a shame after how great I (largely) felt since my move to Birmingham 3 years ago. It's difficult feeling so stuck like I did before.

    But eh, I've been through worse.
     
  3. Crawleyboy01

    Crawleyboy01 TowersStreet Member

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    So it's pretty hard for me to write this but easier then talking to someone, lots going on so if I muddle some words please ignore. So about 3 months ago we found out after a freak accident that my mum had stage 4 pancreatic cancer. Out of the blue. Got told she had 3 days at most. It's fair to say it hit me hard. I'm the youngest of 3 brothers. The oldest hadn't until this point spoken to her for 8 years due to him being a ****. Middle brother is all about himself. But me, well I'm proud to say I'm 35 and a complete mummy's boy lol. Mum managed to build some strength and came home from hospital. Me and my now wife rushed our wedding as I knew she wanted to be there. Sadly 3 days after she passed. A week after her funeral we went on out honeymoon, sad but in a strange way happy that she no longer had to suffer. After coming back my eldest daughter from a previous relationship calls me to ask me what I've done to upset my oldest brother. I had no clue so I rung him. He accuses me of taking money off our Ill mother. I have a good job. Not going to lie I've done the best out of all of us and dont need handouts. I ring my father to find he thinks the same. Turns out because I got married, went to Jamaica and had bought a new car a year ago there accusing me of stealing nearly 30k in cash. My mum was cash everything. But pretty secret about it. I have no idea how much she had and I never asked as it's nothing to do with me. I grabbed all my bank statements went to my brothers and father and showed them how I paid for it all. And thought that was that. Turns out that even tho they said they believed me....they didn't. I'm at a complete loss and feel at the bottom of a hole. I cant sleep I'm depressed and have no one to talk to....well thanks for reading
     
  4. BarryZola

    BarryZola TowersStreet Member

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    What a beautiful thing you did for your mother by bringing your wedding forward. I'm also a complete mummy's boy so I can't even imagine what I'd be like if this had happened to me. I'd probably completely go off the rails so I commend you for coming through it! Maybe you need to explain to your father how lousy you're feeling about their accusations and that it's making you depressed that they think you would do such a thing. Not really sure. Your mum wouldn't want you to be depressed over something you havn't done though, so try not to beat yourself up too much about it. Easier said than done, but you've done absolutely nothing wrong.
     
  5. IanSR

    IanSR TowersStreet Member

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    Ah that's ****, I wish you all the best, my advice would be to find a hobby you enjoy and forget about your extended family, they will come around eventually, but it may take some time.

    I'll share you our story, you're not alone believe me, ours is somewhat similar, my mother-in-law got the same diagnosis (about 10 years ago now, when it was unheard of), and died a few days later, her husband was an alcoholic and couldn't cope so the wife and I had to do everything including going to court to obtain probate, organise the funeral etc. Her reward was her younger sister accused her of having an affair (lol hardly) and her step-father accused her of stealing, in one of his red mist moments in the immediate aftermath he had thrown out all of her possessions, we dragged it out the skip and found life insurance documents which were used to pay for the funeral, we had to put money in ourselves because the insurance didn't cover it, and our thanks was to be told to f-off and be shut out.

    Six months later he died, because he died at work, there was a healthy insurance payout, he died at 5pm on a Tuesday, at 8.30am the next morning, my wife's sister phoned up his employer and asked how quick she would get her money, when she was told it was complicated because there was two of you (sisters) she responded that it was just her as her older sister (my wife) had died in a car accident a few weeks ago, the person she was speaking to responded that that was funny as she had spoken to my wife last night to offer her condolences.

    My wife was again accused of stealing money because she got half the insurance and the two of them did not speak for five years, it took an aunt to get involved and eventually after much "mediation" it was agreed to put the events behind them and move on, we rarely see or speak to them, but they are on talking terms, all of this took a huge tool on my wife both mentally and physically and she still gets upset and down around anniversaries, but she say that the help and love she got from us and friends and new hobbies helped her through it (along with some bloody good bereavement counselling, find a shrink, they work wonders).

    I also got accused of stealing my nans pension book around this time too and the Police got involved because the family believed her over me, yes a pension book in the year 2017, unheard of, three weeks after we had burried my mother too, it wasn't until she (my nan) was diagnosed with dementia and said she thought it was 1985 that people believed me, but by that time the damage had been done and I barely speak to my family now too other than my dad who was the only one to back me 100%.

    As they say, you cannot choose your family, so don't fret over what they say or do, let them get on with it and eventually they may come around, you live your life with your family and enjoy life to the full, and most importantly you're not alone, this happens far more often than you'd think and there is always a good ending to the story, it just may not involve your extended family for some time.
     
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  6. Crawleyboy01

    Crawleyboy01 TowersStreet Member

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    Thank you for sharing that @IanSR at least I know I'm not alone
     
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  7. rob666

    rob666 TowersStreet Member

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    Pleased to say it is now just me, my wife, and our beloved three legged dog.
    We both lost our dads early on, and now we have been freed the family burden of poorly parents, as our mums have passed away as well.
    We had the usual ****e with individuals in the family regarding the estate, dealt with and boxed off.
    We also chose not to have kids, so we have zero responsibilities, or liabilities, outside of the house.
    The only advice I can give is keep buggering on regardless with the things that matter to you, and if others cant see it your way then just walk away.
    I celebrate the fact that I don't have to see some members of my extended family ever again!
    There is usually some light to look forward too.
     
  8. IanSR

    IanSR TowersStreet Member

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    In that vein we had a child, but our funerals are bought and paid for outright, I saw what having to organise a funeral without any forewarning did to my wife so when times were good we bought funeral bonds to take that burden off our son, they sit in a cupboard and he knows if anything happens he just has to pick up the phone and everything is taken care of for him.
     
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  9. Tibble

    Tibble TowersStreet Member

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    I have been feeling really down this year.

    I posted before saying my 6 year relationship had ended and she was not moving out. That hasn't changed and to top that she is now dating someone who I considered a friend.

    I was so down at the end of last year that I changed jobs thinking a new start would keep my mind focused and would be the change I needed. I am now 1 month into this new role and can tell I have made a mistake. The culture of the place is cliquey and as an 'outsider' I am not welcome into these cliques not through the want of trying.

    I also feel like I don't know enough for the role and they don't want to help. Whenever I ask it seems like a chore for them and they moan and groan as they come over to help me out. As a developer I know I can use stack overflow but even that doesnt appear to have the answers I need half the time.

    It has gotten to the point where I look forward to being in my car going to and from work and being in bed. These are the only times I get to be alone and shut everything off.

    I am really at breaking point because being up here, without many friends, in a role I dont like and trying to be stubbon to keep the house I put so much hard work into getting just seems to be making me so down in the dumps and there just doesn't seem to be a light at the end of the tunnel, just more tunnel!
     
  10. RoyJess

    RoyJess TowersStreet Member

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    Breaking up is very hard, I'm on my 3rd marriage and have plenty of relationships in-between, so I know how you feel. I've hit rock bottom in the past.

    Back then, I felt my whole had fallen apart, I had to give up a magic career that I loved. Now I'm with Jess, I look back and I'm pleased that I went through all those bad times. Those experiences made me the person that I am today. If I was to go back in time and change my pass, I would have never met my wonderful wife and be with her today.

    **** happens to us all, it not what happens that count, it's how you deal with it that counts.

    Still living with your ex can't be good. I don't fully know your situation, but either she needs to leave or you need to leave. If you have children together, it can make things more difficult in a break up.

    Keep your chin up, get some self worth, this is what one of the main factors that change my life and let me to meeting my wonderful wife Jess.

    Remember only you, and you alone can change your life. Remember it's small changes that you need to make each day. Just change your habits to change your life.

    Learn about the Japanese Kaizen

    I would also strongly recommend getting hold of this book and reading it. It's not a big book, but straight to the point and very simple to follow

    "A Note From A Friend" by Anthony Robins (book)

    Like I said, I've gone through 2 divorces, gave up my magic car career, lost a girlfriend who suddenly dies at a young age of 23yrs old, my ex's were ex's from hell. During both divorces, I kept my home and retained custody of all my children (which is unusual for a single man back in the 90's and early 00's. Usually the woman would get them). Back in 2006, I came off the property ladder to move in with my girlfriend. She suddenly kicked me out, I became homeless. I was sleeping in my car. Within a couple of weeks, I purchased my current home in full with cash, no mortgage, I purchased our little red sports car which I still got and I met my current wife Jess. I'm telling you this as not to boast, but just to show you, that doesn't matter what life throws at you, you have the ability to change your life around, but only you can do this. Pick yourself up and start to spiral upwards, you can do it. A couple of other books worth reading, both by Susan Jeffers, "End The Struggle And Dance With Life" and "Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway"

    We all want the same things in life, a partner, a home, a car and some fun time. Regardless if you are poor or rich, you can have all those things, the only thing that money do, is amplifier what you can have, the more money you have, the bigger home you can have, the better car you can have, the better holiday or activities that you can afford.

    Remember you can be or have what ever you want in life, just change your attitude and have some self believe, self worth. To make changes, start with small baby steps and build these up over time (Kaizen).

    Keep your chin up
     
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  11. Matt878787

    Matt878787 TowersStreet Member

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    How’s it going now Tibble? Been in a very similar situation in the past. As much as it seems it, nothings permanent. You might be sat in a beer garden in two months with a completely different outlook on things and it will all be past tense :)
     
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  12. Tibble

    Tibble TowersStreet Member

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    Well it all still feels the same at the moment, but I am trying to be more positive and celebrate the small wins. For example yesterday I managed to swap out a plug on a lamp using only wikihow, felt good when it worked. I want to get back to being happy and the only way to do that is to take the bad things with a pinch of salt and recognise the good things in my life.

    I am also thinking about coming to the opening weekend meetup, might be nice to finally meet some of you and you never know I might leave having made some new friends

    I could do with a beer or 2!
     
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  13. Danny

    Danny Leicester Melvin Rong

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    That tends to happen.

    That almost certainly will happen.

    Join usssss.
     
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  14. Matt N

    Matt N TowersStreet Member

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    I know it's very trivial compared to some of the other things in this thread, but all of the drama surrounding coronavirus is getting me down a bit at the moment. Even though everyone keeps telling me not to worry too much, I am getting more and more worried as the number of worldwide cases begins to rise and talk of things like school closures and locking people in their houses becomes more and more real. I really hope it passes before too long.
     
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  15. DiogoJ42

    DiogoJ42 TowersStreet Member

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    I look at life through the eyes of someone who honestly expected to die from partying too hard by age 25. I'm almost 40 and still going.
    You could drop dead at any minute and not even know about it, so I learned long ago not to worry about nuclear war, global pandemics, or getting hit by a bus. There's a level lf common sense precautions you can and should take in life. Beyond that, who cares? Get drunk NOW while you still can!
     
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  16. bluesonichd

    bluesonichd TowersStreet Member

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    Almost 40 o_O
     
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  17. delta79

    delta79 TowersStreet Member

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    Once you get to 40 yrs old, the mind starts to think well if stuff does me in. Then it does me in.

    Sent from my SM-J600FN using Tapatalk
     
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  18. rob666

    rob666 TowersStreet Member

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    Try being a gardener at 57.
    My muscles still have strength, but ligaments and tendons just say no!
    Can only work at three quarters strength max or I bugger up all my joints.
    Always try to find a bright side, nothing is forever.
    Nice having a doctor's note that says give up work at lunch when required, and go to the coasters, by order!
     
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  19. BeccaH

    BeccaH TowersStreet Member

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    Sorry to use this topic so soon after joining, I really don't want to seem like a drain on everyone's happiness.
    I'm in my second year of a-levels (RE, English literature, government & politics) and I'm finding it so difficult. I struggle with politics and I've started going from Cs to Es. My teacher won't give me any support, and tells me to get a grip when I ask for help. I just feel completely overwhelmed and exhausted by it all.
    I used to want to go to university to study English literature and education studies but I've been completely put off because I don't think I can do it. I can't do college so in my head I'm a failure and shouldn't waste the staff's time at university. I'm completely lost on what I want to do and I feel like a disappointment to other people.
    Sorry to be a downer, but I needed to get some of that off my chest.
     
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  20. Danny

    Danny Leicester Melvin Rong

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    Uni and college are totally different platforms; you'll typically get different stories from whoever you ask but I found uni to be a much more comfortable environment. The staff were far more supportive as well.

    Educational politics won't creep into your English lit at uni (albeit real world politics may; there's no escaping them sadly!), so even if you're struggling with them now you certainly won't have to down the line.

    Might be worth speaking to another member of staff at your college? Certainly don't let one teacher not giving you any support put you off from achieving the things you want to!
     
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