The I Feel Down Topic.

Discussion in 'Corner Coffee' started by Adam, 13th Jun 2012.

  1. Rick

    Rick TowersStreet Member

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    I'll never forget that my Biology teacher lived with his ex-wife and her new husband and it "wasn't weird".

    Even as GCSE students, we knew it was odd.
     
  2. Panda

    Panda TowersStreet Member

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    Oh man, that's rough.

    I moved in with my current partner after only 4 months together. I was legally homeless, to be fair!
    We're doing great so far, except for "the pile" of clothes he accumulates that don't *quite* need washing.

    The rest of my life has been utter ass lately, which is a shame after how great I (largely) felt since my move to Birmingham 3 years ago. It's difficult feeling so stuck like I did before.

    But eh, I've been through worse.
     
  3. Crawleyboy01

    Crawleyboy01 TowersStreet Member

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    So it's pretty hard for me to write this but easier then talking to someone, lots going on so if I muddle some words please ignore. So about 3 months ago we found out after a freak accident that my mum had stage 4 pancreatic cancer. Out of the blue. Got told she had 3 days at most. It's fair to say it hit me hard. I'm the youngest of 3 brothers. The oldest hadn't until this point spoken to her for 8 years due to him being a ****. Middle brother is all about himself. But me, well I'm proud to say I'm 35 and a complete mummy's boy lol. Mum managed to build some strength and came home from hospital. Me and my now wife rushed our wedding as I knew she wanted to be there. Sadly 3 days after she passed. A week after her funeral we went on out honeymoon, sad but in a strange way happy that she no longer had to suffer. After coming back my eldest daughter from a previous relationship calls me to ask me what I've done to upset my oldest brother. I had no clue so I rung him. He accuses me of taking money off our Ill mother. I have a good job. Not going to lie I've done the best out of all of us and dont need handouts. I ring my father to find he thinks the same. Turns out because I got married, went to Jamaica and had bought a new car a year ago there accusing me of stealing nearly 30k in cash. My mum was cash everything. But pretty secret about it. I have no idea how much she had and I never asked as it's nothing to do with me. I grabbed all my bank statements went to my brothers and father and showed them how I paid for it all. And thought that was that. Turns out that even tho they said they believed me....they didn't. I'm at a complete loss and feel at the bottom of a hole. I cant sleep I'm depressed and have no one to talk to....well thanks for reading
     
  4. BarryZola

    BarryZola TowersStreet Member

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    What a beautiful thing you did for your mother by bringing your wedding forward. I'm also a complete mummy's boy so I can't even imagine what I'd be like if this had happened to me. I'd probably completely go off the rails so I commend you for coming through it! Maybe you need to explain to your father how lousy you're feeling about their accusations and that it's making you depressed that they think you would do such a thing. Not really sure. Your mum wouldn't want you to be depressed over something you havn't done though, so try not to beat yourself up too much about it. Easier said than done, but you've done absolutely nothing wrong.
     
  5. IanSR

    IanSR TowersStreet Member

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    Ah that's ****, I wish you all the best, my advice would be to find a hobby you enjoy and forget about your extended family, they will come around eventually, but it may take some time.

    I'll share you our story, you're not alone believe me, ours is somewhat similar, my mother-in-law got the same diagnosis (about 10 years ago now, when it was unheard of), and died a few days later, her husband was an alcoholic and couldn't cope so the wife and I had to do everything including going to court to obtain probate, organise the funeral etc. Her reward was her younger sister accused her of having an affair (lol hardly) and her step-father accused her of stealing, in one of his red mist moments in the immediate aftermath he had thrown out all of her possessions, we dragged it out the skip and found life insurance documents which were used to pay for the funeral, we had to put money in ourselves because the insurance didn't cover it, and our thanks was to be told to f-off and be shut out.

    Six months later he died, because he died at work, there was a healthy insurance payout, he died at 5pm on a Tuesday, at 8.30am the next morning, my wife's sister phoned up his employer and asked how quick she would get her money, when she was told it was complicated because there was two of you (sisters) she responded that it was just her as her older sister (my wife) had died in a car accident a few weeks ago, the person she was speaking to responded that that was funny as she had spoken to my wife last night to offer her condolences.

    My wife was again accused of stealing money because she got half the insurance and the two of them did not speak for five years, it took an aunt to get involved and eventually after much "mediation" it was agreed to put the events behind them and move on, we rarely see or speak to them, but they are on talking terms, all of this took a huge tool on my wife both mentally and physically and she still gets upset and down around anniversaries, but she say that the help and love she got from us and friends and new hobbies helped her through it (along with some bloody good bereavement counselling, find a shrink, they work wonders).

    I also got accused of stealing my nans pension book around this time too and the Police got involved because the family believed her over me, yes a pension book in the year 2017, unheard of, three weeks after we had burried my mother too, it wasn't until she (my nan) was diagnosed with dementia and said she thought it was 1985 that people believed me, but by that time the damage had been done and I barely speak to my family now too other than my dad who was the only one to back me 100%.

    As they say, you cannot choose your family, so don't fret over what they say or do, let them get on with it and eventually they may come around, you live your life with your family and enjoy life to the full, and most importantly you're not alone, this happens far more often than you'd think and there is always a good ending to the story, it just may not involve your extended family for some time.
     
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  6. Crawleyboy01

    Crawleyboy01 TowersStreet Member

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    Thank you for sharing that @IanSR at least I know I'm not alone
     
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  7. rob666

    rob666 TowersStreet Member

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    Pleased to say it is now just me, my wife, and our beloved three legged dog.
    We both lost our dads early on, and now we have been freed the family burden of poorly parents, as our mums have passed away as well.
    We had the usual ****e with individuals in the family regarding the estate, dealt with and boxed off.
    We also chose not to have kids, so we have zero responsibilities, or liabilities, outside of the house.
    The only advice I can give is keep buggering on regardless with the things that matter to you, and if others cant see it your way then just walk away.
    I celebrate the fact that I don't have to see some members of my extended family ever again!
    There is usually some light to look forward too.
     
  8. IanSR

    IanSR TowersStreet Member

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    In that vein we had a child, but our funerals are bought and paid for outright, I saw what having to organise a funeral without any forewarning did to my wife so when times were good we bought funeral bonds to take that burden off our son, they sit in a cupboard and he knows if anything happens he just has to pick up the phone and everything is taken care of for him.
     
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