Right, I hate to be in this situation again of how I'm feeling but I have to vent out my fears and feelings on the matter. Actually it is more of a feeling of depression and anger which the latter I've been feeling more and more I'm scared to admit.
Yeah, I won't beat about the bush but it is regarding the whole cost of living crises and all that which you will say isn't really a surprise which I suppose millions more are scared and angry, though I do have my own feelings on the matter which is more about the media that anything government does.
I have tried to avoid much of it as possible as news coverage is getting worse and worse by the day and that previous comment I made sometime ago about media sensationalism has only furthered this anger and depression that had brewing within me for the last few months. What gets to me whenever I happen to have the terrible luck of seeing something about the whole thing on the news or on radio you always get these guys who I honestly don't know who they other than they aren't in government or are just some smugged face 'comedian' who always just so happens to have a face a fist would be good friends with them saying that not enough is being done and all that and yet whenever I hear this I'm like 'if you think you can do better then bloody well do it yourselves!'
Look, I'm not taking any sides in political mudslinging - I just want a solution that can be solved yet I'm heartbroken at just seeing how there is no unity on both sides of the political divide and this goes back from covid in which even a common threat did little to unite them. If that didn't work then that won't help here either and regards to the media...Oh God help me, I can't escape from hearing about it at least once.
I'm not saying I'm in denial about the whole situation, I'm only asking to try and not think about it at least once though sadly that is not possible as whenever I check on some hobby I'm interested online either regards to railways, some franchise or even here on TS, there is always something about cost of living and economic crisis that is always brought into a conversation to the point there is no way to avoid it.
I've seen it here on TS not on the political forums and I won't name name's because honestly they won't know any better how I'm feeling and who am I to halt free speech? Speaking of which, you'll notice I'm never on any discussion regarding current political events and such because frankly I've been exposed to such vile and total narcissism over the past few years, media included, that I've had it up to here and even of debates on here are healthy, I'm sorry, I can't touch anything political with a barge pole now which is sad as some years ago I was interested in listening in on that stuff but now it is so horrible that I avoid it like a plauge and yet I just can't seem to avoid it all. Politics up here does that to a man.
It really has been a bad year for me personally, you'll know of my split from my GF a couple of months ago and I haven't spoken to her in all that time (never felt right to go back to someone after a break up, even for help as the memories are too painful) and now I'm hearing all those horrible things that are happening and yet thanks to how media has become more OTT in reporting things and how even truthful they are, I feel like I can't trust anyone even if all this horrible stories about rise of costs and stuff is true, the previous baggage surrounding them has made me turn my back on them.
My parents try to sugarcoat things whenever I even bring up something that is troubling me yet I never feel they are that entirely helpful, my ex had a good way of helping me rationalise things that were troubling me and was truly a great support for me...now I don't have that and I honestly have no clue who to turn to other than suffer in isolation over everything, lord how I miss her for advice and comfort and I'll never get that again.
Yeah, I'm exposing myself out here to many of you in which while technically don't know any of you in the flesh, there is no other place I can let this all out and probably better to write it out than keep it in I suppose, I'd still prefare someone in person to speak in privatly about how I feel yet i don't know who to. What's sad is that next month I hit 30, I have said once you hit there your life goes downhill from then on and given the terrible misfortune of what's happened in my personal life and what is looming over the horizon, what I said about that is frightenly becoming more truer as each day passes. What is more scary for me that with how the media keeps saying death awaits us with no light at the end of the tunnel, what's the point? Honestly right now I'd have 2020 back in a heartbeat which tells you how bad I'm feeling right now.
I hate to say this, but the drink is looking more tempting and I'd be lying if something involving the 's' word has crossed my mind at least once...no I'm not going to do it but all the same, with how bad things are, the sad thing is right now as we speak, some youngsters who feel that they have no future from those crises will do just that right now as we speak and those running these stories are creating a mental horror show for all to see.
I'm sorry, I've said to much about me personally but I feel that I had no other way to say this and I know there are younger folk here on TS who need some older pillar of strength to look up to, Lord knows we really need some comfort and support in these times that is not cynical, and I'm sorry I can't be that no matter how I might act, I've been keeping this bottled up for so long and yet I'm scared what it might all do to me.
Bottom line, 2022 has been despite some little bursts of happiness a really horrible year for me mentally and for now, I can only keep up a calm figure in public and hope I can fight this though it is exhausting. I don't know what I'm going to do right now.