Discussion in 'Corner Coffee' started by Adam, 13th Jun 2012.
Eh, the two are not related. You may laugh.
*moves TM to the "kill slowly" list*
Oi! I just showed you kindness!! Or is that why?
All signs of weakness must be punished.
Fine I'll punch you in the ear!
Had surgery on Wednesday. Nothing major, but was told that I would only need one or two days to get over the anaesthetic. It's now three days later, and not only do I lack energy but I'm in just as much pain as ever. I have codeine, but wish I had something stronger.
NOT IN A GOOD MOOD.
Hope you get better soon Ashlee, if it keeps up, why not speak to your doctor about it?
Not feeling down as such, but more irritated.
I'm getting increasingly aggravated by the massive divide in mine and my family's political views. I'm a left wing liberal, but they're extremely right wing. Heated debates turn into arguments, and I start disliking them for a small period of time.
I really should just keep my mouth shut about anything political when I'm around them.
I know how you feel, this happens a lot with a member of my family and I have to just leave to calm down. But yeah I've learnt to try and just keep my mouth shut now because it's just easier.
To be honest, I'm feeling quite down lately.
I've always been a perfectionist, especially with academic work and school. I always feel like if I get lower than an A that I'm a bit of a failure. I want to clarify I don't feel that about anyone else's grades, just for me. Whenever I do well, I believe it's a fluke and not down to work I put in, even if good grades are consistent. This is also linking in with applying to uni, I kind of feel like I need to go to a top uni in order to be successful but that's a lot of pressure and will take an extra year in order for me to finish my 3rd a level. I feel like for most of my school days, from an early age, I've been kinda socialised into feeling like grades are the most important thing so now I just feel like my worth as a person is defined by the uni I'm in or grades and that's not a nice feeling. A-levels have been tough for me due to mental health problems that arose in my first year and that are still ongoing and I want to be able to justify to myself that it's ok if it takes me longer to finish them or I don't do as well as I would like.
Just felt like I needed to vent that, feeling a little bit better now haha.
Unfortunately sometimes we can "should" ourselves into submission, you seem a very intelligent and cogent young woman, very determined etc.
I know your post was a much needed venting post, but if I could just add, it is also good to stand back and appreciate the great work you have done whilst facing challenges - there's nothing wrong with being a driven and determined individual, but (I DO NOT LIKE WRITING THIS LOL!) perfection is seldom achieved.
Aim your arrows high is extremely commendable, it's just also important to remind yourself you're human, and maybe take a little time to write yourself a list of things you have achieved, maybe some against what you thought possible at the time.
The journey is as important as the destination, it's where we often learn more. IF you can allow yourself to take a little pressure off yourself, and take a little pride in your achievements already, you'll find you have a little more forward motion to achieve far more moving forward - let's face it, it's like the difference between a true critique, that is constructive and beneficial to improvement, and relentless criticism of oneself that can actually waste energy we could spend focusing forward... that's quite in incentive to apply a little of that to our lives I found, would you agree?
As I always say with my advice, take it, or cast it away, I just leave occasional good will notes in the hope it helps
No really, thank you, it really helped.
I think I'm just a bit exhausted both physically and mentally and it's only the start of the academic year haha. I'm the one that's putting a lot of pressure on myself and I think I need to just kinda try to relax. That's easier said than done though. I'm gonna try and have a good positive think about what I've achieved and look forward to my break in October.
But yeah, I think I need to try to not be as critical as I am on myself, it's hard because I've unfortunately always kind of been a 'glass half empty person' but with high standards for my performance which hasn't mixed well haha.
But yes, again thank you.
Yes I understand I really do lol! I myself am a walking dichotomy of positive expression and at times utter self loathing, especially if I perform at less that perfection standards - which is often, so the cycle begins lol!
I tell you what helps me, people tell me I need to relax - so you go, ok I will TRY AND RELAX.
Now. TRY AND RELAX.
As if. I start WORKING to TRY to relax, once again, a dichotomy giving rise to intense self conflict that results in me getting annoyed with myself that no matter how hard I work to relax I fail at it and.... off we go again.
The solution, stop trying, sounds weird? Yes.
Just say this to yourself.
I am going sit here, for a moment, and (sit quiet, have a read, have a coffee, look at boobs... oh er, sorry - - add your own lol), but seriously, instead of trying just say:
I am going to sit here and ......, and I am going to just allow myself to relax a little, not long, just to see what just sitting and allowing myself to relax might feel like with no pressure.
Train late. Lecture going to be missed. Not happy.
Actually had a good appointment with the therapist person however, going to take months and months of waiting to be able to get psychological treatment (DBT) because of psychologists leaving the clinic and horrendous waiting lists. Wish some money could be pumped into mental health services in NHS, there's harldy any support avaliable.
I don't know how to deal with someone who is really sorry for messing up, but continually messes up in the same ways no matter how understanding, caring, or accommodating I am with them. Frustrated and ****ed off.
Sit them down, tell them where they mess up each time and say if you are truly sorry you will go away with my comments and think about how and why they do it, and learn from the process.
My nan is currently on her death bed. That is pretty heartbreaking in itself. But because I don't post all about how that makes me feel on Facebook, my own sister posts a status so blatantly about me, saying I've just started 'pretending to care'. My own sister. This is why my family suck.
They always take my brother's side of everything. They don't bother with me, ever.
Don't think they realise what this is doing to me. We are all suffering, but because I'm not posting it all over Facebook, I'm not, and if I do say anything, I'm pretending to care.
I really do hate them sometimes.
I have some serious previous with this. This is one of the reasons I absolutely despise Facebook. I ended up forced to respond to barbs around a similar sort of time. It got ridiculous. It was when TOTAL F;ING strangers started joining in that I piped and, well, you've all seen my "angry" posts about rollercoasters... when it's a private family matter being branded all across open posts for all and sundry to start getting involved in...
You are doing the right thing Tarin. Keep your cool, keep your counsel, and only intervene if it gets serious and there's a real need to (as there became with mine, when total strangers started making physical threats about something that had been fabricated purely to garner a response!)
When I did eventually hit back, it was with such venom it utterly obliterated the post because I was absolutely right, did it in a strong but serious way, and made it known it was only because these idiots with no life had started intruding upon my private family affairs.
They got nasty, there is something utterly reprehensible about when people do this on Facebook, I find it disgusting and it is purely to get themselves even MORE attention at your cost. So don't bite.
It REALLY ****es them off.
I mean REAAAAAALLLY ****es them off, because you're starving them of their emotional nutrition they feed off! It becomes a physical pain for them to have to endure and that's why they go harder and harder for responses.
Also note, eventually, others of the same kind find each other and they bugger off and tell each how bad everyone else is all the time to avoid focusing on their own issues. It's far easier to project onto someone else to avoid inward reflection.
Isn't that right...no... better not.
I'd mind less if it was strangers, but its my own sister...
It was STARTED by close family, they called in strangers when I still failed to rise to their bating.
Bide your time, when my family member unfortunately passed some time later, I knew deep down I had done all they would have wanted. Kept my cool, kept my dignity, and did what was right.
Yeah, family suck
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