The I Feel Down Topic.

[TheMan]

Yeah, family suck

Anyway, I hope you're OK and that Scarefest and getting together with everyone cheers you up a bit xx

 

[delta79]

my wife is watching stand up to cancer. The stories are bring back memories of pain as I watched helpless as my step daughter lost the battle with leukaemia. And is causing the scar that time placed on my heart hurt again.

 

[Mike]

I'm feeling very drained, confused and don't know what to do . Apologies if the below reads like a diary of disconnected thoughts, but I've just written them exactly as I feel, and I hope they'll make some sort of sense somehow!

It's the evening after a TST meet, and - despite a few vocal issues (my vocal chords appear to be dealing with some sort of infection/virus) - I've had a fantastic couple of days.

However, this has also re-emphasised that TowersStreet used to give me what I don't genuinely feel exists in any other social context I'm involved in - a sense of belonging to a community - and to be totally honest I feel I've let even that slip away from me, making me realise I'm essentially officially useless at socialising.

The truth is, the primary one of the two reasons (the secondary one being cashflow issues of late, but I've managed to sort that side of things out for the most part and its on the way up, so I won't go into detail here) I've distanced myself from meets in part this year is to try and solve this issue that my friends in Bedford feel 'less important' to me in my head. They're a great bunch of people - but somehow I couldnt seem to get them to see me how I am, rather than how I was 5 years ago as I grew up with them. Since I came back from university two years ago, they see me as a bit of an outcast.

I've spent the last few months reinventing myself to try to fit back in with them by being something I'm not....or maybe that is the real 'me', I genuinely don't know at the moment .

One thing's for certain - I can't let things go on as they are or it'll drive me quite literally insane... but not totally sure how to combat it either. I value my friends, both on and off TS, but something inside me is missing at the moment from a social angle, and I can't put a finger on what it is!

 

[TheMan]

I've spent the last few months reinventing myself to try to fit back in with them by being something I'm not....or maybe that is the real 'me', I genuinely don't know at the moment .

If you don't know, be assured, it isn't.

When you find yourself, you know, and it can be a right biatch to find.

To me? It seems like you're so busy trying to be what you feel you need to be to fit in with existing friendships that you've lost some of yourself in the process.

You went away, evolved, others didn't or did in different ways - it happens, it's awkward at times, but it's true unfortunately.

I have found coaster friendships are generally enduring, there is such a vast array of personality that as yours develops you find within the larger community small pockets whom you can call true friends. But as you develop as an individual, your friendships will develop. Why continue to try and fit in when there will be people for whom your personality will be a perfect fit? Of course there's compromise, give and take etc, but the most important thing to me is to be authentic. No matter what. It's costly at times, but the times you come across those people who truly appreciate you for who you are, social or otherwise, they tend to be all enduring.

Just my thoughts as I sometimes post in this thread.

TL;DR - be yourself dude and hope you feel better in yourself soon!

 

[Amy]

My mental health is a mess. Have had anxiety for all my life, but over the past few months it's evolved into really serious depression. I'm just finding all areas of my life incredibly hard to deal with and finding myself feeling like nothing is worth bothering with.

 

[Poisson]

Face already hurts, tomorrow will be horrendous. Bloody coaster face

 

[MattyH]

3 hour train journey dragging and dragging, then the realisaton I have to go to lectures tomorrow...

 

[Rowe]

Soooo... I wasn't sure on where to post this particular nugget of information on the forum as it's not quite a 'down' thing but something very personal to me that does negatively impact upon my enjoyment of theme/amusement park visits. It's something I don't want to dedicate a whole topic, in fact I'd rather let the post be buried here over time out of my own dislike for attention, buuuut I just want to air out somewhere it's likely to be seen.

Whenever I go to a park now (so this something recent over the last few months), my body sometimes completely refuses to accept thrill rides/coasters, causing pain around my stomach, abdomen, pelvis and other parts. I'm already not a rollercoaster and intense thrill person, as many of you know, but the fact that I'm almost debilitated when trying to enjoy myself is a very hard thing to deal with; it's why you've probably seen me sit out on coasters and rides more often than usual or complained about feeling unwell/tired than usual.

The strange thing is, after having tests to check if there is anything wrong, that the unwell and painful nature never occurs at any other time outside park visits and I have no underlying disease or illness so there's nothing I can do about it. The most I can do is take painkillers, take it very easy with rests/sleep and hope for the best.

To be honest, I'm not so much bothered about missing out on the coasters or thrill rides as I am about my body making it hard to enjoy myself when I'm out sosch'ing with good company at parks nowadays. I'm thankful it rarely triggers any other afflictions I have though.

 

[Dar]

My mental health is a mess. Have had anxiety for all my life, but over the past few months it's evolved into really serious depression. I'm just finding all areas of my life incredibly hard to deal with and finding myself feeling like nothing is worth bothering with.

When this has happened to me, I've found that taking a moment to myself and ignoring everything else around me helps. I focus on what I have to do now, no forward planning because that just adds future anxiety.

Face already hurts, tomorrow will be horrendous. Bloody coaster face

Who knows, maybe it'll be an improvement?

3 hour train journey dragging and dragging, then the realisaton I have to go to lectures tomorrow...

But lectures in STOKE! How can you not be pumped for that?

Soooo... I wasn't sure on where to post this particular nugget of information on the forum as it's not quite a 'down' thing but something very personal to me that does negatively impact upon my enjoyment of theme/amusement park visits. It's something I don't want to dedicate a whole topic, in fact I'd rather let the post be buried here over time out of my own dislike for attention, buuuut I just want to air out somewhere it's likely to be seen.

Whenever I go to a park now (so this something recent over the last few months), my body sometimes completely refuses to accept thrill rides/coasters, causing pain around my stomach, abdomen, pelvis and other parts. I'm already not a rollercoaster and intense thrill person, as many of you know, but the fact that I'm almost debilitated when trying to enjoy myself is a very hard thing to deal with; it's why you've probably seen me sit out on coasters and rides more often than usual or complained about feeling unwell/tired than usual.

The strange thing is, after having tests to check if there is anything wrong, that the unwell and painful nature never occurs at any other time outside park visits and I have no underlying disease or illness so there's nothing I can do about it. The most I can do is take painkillers, take it very easy with rests/sleep and hope for the best.

To be honest, I'm not so much bothered about missing out on the coasters or thrill rides as I am about my body making it hard to enjoy myself when I'm out sosch'ing with good company at parks nowadays. I'm thankful it rarely triggers any other afflictions I have though.

I know this is going to sound daft, but have you looked at seeing a head-doctor? I only ask because I wonder if it's psychological, maybe something has tripped in your head so you associate coasters with pain, so now you feel that pain even without the external stimulus? Just a thought, either way I hope it gets resolved soon!

--------------------------------------------------------------

I on the other hand am generally unhappy with where my life is at the moment. I'm thankful for Josh and I'm pleased with my "roadmap" of where my life is going, but the here and now kinda sucks!

 

[Poisson]

Dar, It is a massive disappointment, I look even worse

 

[Kurtis Rogers]

Well this week has been a really horrible one i have been put on extra maths and English which isn't that bad if it weren't for a patronising teacher who tries his best to make me and my class fell like utter garbage and to make it worse i had a complete and utter breakdown and told that i need to see a doctor as i might have depression it just seems latley im not got a enough entusiasm to want to pass my exams any more with my mum an dad splitting up and years of bullying i think the emotional bottle i only let empty a tiny bit every now and then has completley smashed and i dont know what to do any more i wishi could start high school now because i wernt ready five years ago and its took that long to show

 

[Dar]

Get help.

You need to get on top this before it gets to the stage where you don't want to. You've recognised you've got a problem, now is the time to get it sorted. These sorts of things rarely sort themselves out, you need help and support to get through it.

 

[Kurtis Rogers]

thanks im gonna go tomorrow im just fearful of being put on medication

 

[TheMan]

thanks im gonna go tomorrow im just fearful of being put on medication

If you do not wish to be on medication, stand your ground, I know it may not look it given how raucous I can be but a year ago I found out I had severe anxiety. Given the choice between medication and therapy or both, I chose the therapeutic route and completely within the experience. I said, I wanted no help in that regard, I was going to do this totally and completely free of any medication and you know what? I am SO glad I did.

I am not advocating that for everyone, some are very happy to have medication to help, I have tried it many years ago but threw them away.

You have a right to choice as a human being, it IS possible to do it without medication, some find it helps, others don't, and I am of firm belief that in many cases the willing to HAVE it work is a factor in how successful or not it is.

I did CBT. It helped me. I had a STRONG therapist with whom I could regularly butt heads and she'd force me at times into moments of introspection. Some times I left elated, others I left the opposite - but ultimately what I am as a result, is far better, with a far greater comprehension of what it is, why it happens, and recognising when it happens and accepting it is a process and will require constant dedication to maintain.

First thing I will tell you now, you've been through a lot, you are a human, and these emotions have an affect which is totally normal. I was absolutely totally embarrassed to find out I had "anxiety", I am known for having a harder edge so how the heck did I "get it"??

Wow, did my ego ever not like that!

Turns out that harder edge WAS my anxiety. Sometimes we all sink into depression as well. They are natural emotions, they are there for a reason, with understanding and acceptance of that fact it isn't something to be ashamed of it's ironic how much pressure that itself lifts.

Did people around me all accept it? Not really. I had my story published in a mental health magazine after writing about it with passion and frankly anger.

I totally changed my perspective on mental health issues, it's a BIG thing in young men, and it needs to be less taboo so we can just talk about and say - you know what, even as a "bloke", young man, whatever, it's OK and no less "macho" etc to feel utter sh!t sometimes! Particularly when you've been going through a lot.

One piece of advice I would give you, never give other people jurisdiction over your emotions, it's easier said than done of course, but it IS possible to decide when it is purely mental, (physical bullying etc is different of course), to pay less attention and not give those words permission to enter our own psyche. It's not easy. But my goodness me mate, it's worth it in the long run!

I wish you well with it. Take ownership of your own emotions as best you can, I PROMISE you, with time, it IS possible.

 

[Kurtis Rogers]

Thanks so much help I feel like a yo-yo some times some days happy some days in tears over nothing

 

[Amy]

I had the opposite experience. I was really resistant to medication and had a year of CBT which I really believed would work, and tried to make it work. But CBT made me much worse, I really wish I'd never tried it. I eventually agreed to medication and it really helped. I'm having a horrible time at the moment for lots of complicated reasons but medication genuinely has helped. It may or may not be right for you, but don't make the mistake I did of feeling like accepting meds is the same thing as "giving in". Depression and anxiety are illnesses, and sometimes medication is just needed to treat an illness.

 

[TheMan]

Thanks so much help I feel like a yo-yo some times some days happy some days in tears over nothing

I still find sometimes I wake up and am super on edge for absolutely no reason. My whole body is tense, it's just NAAAAARSTY, once you can accept what it is and say - ok - I feel crap today, and then choose a suitable management strategy for that day, accepting the fact it's ok to feel crap is a great start.

So, today I feel crap, why do I feel crap, are these feelings justified or is my mind just playing tricks on me, if it is, fine, I am going to go easy on myself and do something a little more easy today - or if you have to face school etc, accept you are in the process of UP. That begins when you're fed up of feeling crap and obviously wish to do something about it.

See it as beginning a new journey, it wont be easy, but when you begin with small steps, you grow incrementally as a person with coping strategies, and give yourself permission to acknowledge your own small steps forward - like taking solace in the community here for a start. If you face school on a bad day, acknowledge that and no matter what any one says, it's ok to say to yourself "that was hard, but I did it, I will allow myself to see that as a positive thing under difficult conditions".

I bet you've already done that a lot, right? That already makes you stronger than you realise. Sometimes it just takes someone else who's been through it to say, hey mate, I know that's not easy to do that, but you did it even if it was hard, well done.

 

[Kurtis Rogers]

its affected my grades badly ive gone from aspiring to be a A* student to a working at a D/E level all because the emotion I build up makes me either lazy or rude to the teachers I feel like if lost the personality I had not a care in the world always polite and hard working to a piece of garbage really

 

[TheMan]

its affected my grades badly ive gone from aspiring to be a A* student to a working at a D/E level all because the emotion I build up makes me either lazy or rude to the teachers I feel like if lost the personality I had not a care in the world always polite and hard working to a piece of garbage really

Sounds like me lol!

Repeat to yourself - I will be back to normal as I WILL NOT BE ANOTHER TheMan!

Should be enough to motivate yourself through anything!! Seriously though. Directions work both ways, you obviously know who the best you is as it were, you can't change the past, don't let it get you down to much, being in the present moment is a cliche but very true, you can't changed what has past but you can decide what you wish for your future and begin those steps to getting it back. Make sense?

From what I can see on here, you're desperate to get back to how you were, with that motivation I'd be very confident that by going easier on yourself, accepting where you are right now, and taking small steps on a road back to where you want to be you will do well. Seriously. I think finding out what options are available to you is a good next step, and then don't feel pressured into a decision, assess your options, try and feel instinctively what will bring you the results you want personally. As always, it's only based on my own experience, I just share it in case even a morsel of it helps someone else.

 

[Kurtis Rogers]

The motivation is greatly needed of late my photography is keeping me enthusiastic but im struggling to keep motivated at school with catch up I can get back to normal again well as normal as I am