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TST Loo Users... POO-NITE!

There I was, trying to catch up on some YouTube and enjoy my late night wine ****, when I looked down and saw a medium-sized spider wandering down my thigh.

Now, I'm not bothered about that one; I killed it immediately. I am however concerned that some of his mates might form a search party and come looking for him tomorrow night.
 
My god....

Now, when you say "medium sized", are we talking about what Phill Jupitus would call a "Catagory II"? either way, **** DAT ****!

I guess theres's no better way to clear your bowls, right?
 
To rejoin the seat while it is still warm, I am proud to announce the official opening of my new indoor crapper.
Massively oversized, the wife will need a "crapping plank" to use the new facility without her feet dangling helplessly from about three inches above the floor.
The flush is of a Niagra standard, the refill delightfully silent, and the majestic matching sink is suitable for the washing of a tall man's hands and face,as compared to the old one, which was only suitable for the knees and ********.
Small children can **** off outside and use the alternative facilities, or grow quickly if they can't stand the cold.
 
Ooh, boy. Been holding onto an epic dump for ages, then I finally let it go. One end was so far above the water line, I thought it was going to need its own postcode or something.
 
Jonathan said:
Ooh, boy. Been holding onto an epic dump for ages, then I finally let it go. One end was so far above the water line, I thought it was going to need its own postcode or something.
Click to expand...

I bet that stunk to high heaven, not to mention 2 or 3 flushes needed?
 
My god. I need ear defender for this service station bog. It sound like a guy is barns wallis-ing the pan and another needs emodium. However i got a fog bank of smell rolling out from my door.
 
Jonathan said:
Oh, it smelled absolutely horrible, but only needed one flush! Don't know how!
Click to expand...

Be grateful for your good flusher, if 30% of your depository is above the tide line, its a good chance it's only gonna rise and your depository going no where.
 
Benefits of an outside shitter, part 23...
This lunchtime I was having an extra dump following a weekend of excessive eating, and..."What's that noise...Is it, Is it??? YES IT IS!!!
****** great steam train chuffing up my back passage at high speed. (Double entendre always a speciality of mine).
Kick the door open and give all the passengers a cheery wave from my throne, and quite a few spotted me and waved back.
Missed the name plate, but it was a ****** great black one (the train that is, not the turd).
And if I was on the inside (super) shitter I would have missed it.
So if any of you do the Settle to Carlisle steam train specials in the summer, keep your eyes peeled as you leave Blackburn for Clitheroe, and you might even spot my Winning Post off the Grand National at Blackpoo.
 
You know something's not quite right with you when, after having had four shits in a 90-minute period (by which I mean it felt like a waterfall was exiting my **** each time), you consider not needing a dump in the following 90-minute period to be a success...
 
I been saving this one for 1 and a half weeks, its putting up quite the fight!

Also, I have the shower curtain closed because it mildly looks like something from the sanctuary!

Its still holding on!

Edit
±‹„¿℅©¥¶∆π√{¡!¡[&#@‡♠π^′°∞¢≠™®≈♪ⁿ⅞!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!★‰-—–_·↓§×÷Π~`|≥[[≤,…¥®€™$√★

Its out!

******* worthless piece of ****...

My phone censored that for me.

Edit again

Holy s h I t (censor that, phone!) I just looked, it's entirely poo paste!
Like, 95%!
 
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I'm no health professional, but if there hadn't been a departure from **** End for a week and a half, I'd have thought the permanent way (permanus way?) department could have deployed laxatives so that normal service could be resumed sooner.
 
We're currently having our bathroom renovated. For the last week we've had nothing but a room full of rubble. The plaster under the tiles turned out to be rotten, so they had to carve right back to the brickwork, setting things back about three days. The whole house is covered in dust. Not had a shower for 7 days, just sponge baths at the kitchen sink and a fuckton of deoderant.

But worst of all is that while they have left the toilet until the very last thing to replace (thank smeg, it's the only one in the house), the seat is covered in a mixture of plaster, grout and dust. It's like taking a **** on the roughest piece of rock you can imagine.
How am I supposed to take a relaxing 40 minute dump in an enviroment like this‽
 
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As a proud owner of a beautiful new high rise sooooper bog Diogo, you are welcome to come up north for a big **** at my house under the circumstances.
Just think, if you moved up to Media City in Salford, you could have purchased half a dozen houses for what you pay in rent for a year.
 
I must be the lucky one on bathroom referb. My rented council house had it bathroom done lasg year. Was meant to be a 5 day refit. 3 and half days after starting it was done.
 
Oh god! Oh no! Kill me now! Our new toilet is SQUARE! Conform to the buttocks, this seat does not.

I'm just crimping off it's first ever length of Slahpead cable.... Now. Let's see how this worryingly narrow U bend and flush cistern the size of my fist cope with what I can throw down it.

The seat is going to have to go, though.
 
Is it one of those slow fall ones?
I wanted one on our new mighty (indoor) throne, but the wife said we weren't posh enough, so we got the old **** slapper style instead.
Pleased to say I havent managed to "leave one behind" yet.
 
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