The I Feel Down Topic.

Cheers mate.
We've been through this enough times over the years, but it never gets any easier.

I was supposed to bring a couple of workmates home with me yesterday after we wrapped, to help me get through all this beer and cheese clogging up my fridge. We postponed that idea. I honestly expected to find him gone when I got home from work yesterday. Would have put a bit of a downer on the evening.

I guess at least he held on long enough for @Kelpie to get back from her folks last night. (We seem to have had a lot of them pass while she's been away, for some reason?)

DiogoJ42 said:

Just had to take one of our rats on that one-way trip to the vet.
RIP Murphy. He was fine at lunchtime on boxing day. By that evening, he suddenly couldn't walk. Best guess is he might have had a stroke? But he's refused all food and water ever since. Had to make the call.

I will remember him by the first moment we got him home, in February: We opened the box, and he leapt out, dove straight in to the front pocket of my hoodie, and refused to come out for fifteen minutes.

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Very sorry to hear that, we had to have one of our ratties PTS on Christmas Eve one year, that was a pretty rubbish Christmas. It's awful when they're fine one day and at death's door the next as well.

Yup. Those little chaos goblins may have an incredible pain tolerance, but they have binary health.

Been on my mind...

We were such a cool household to visit over the festivities, what with seven legs between us.

Bit normal now with just four.

Pets eh.

I’m sorry to just randomly vent, but I’m just feeling a bit… down at the moment (for lack of a better term).

My feelings probably aren’t helped by the fact I’m fretting about having to apply for my own job in the coming weeks. I know that it was always going to be the case that I’d have to if a permanent position arose, with my job currently being a temporary contracted position, but that doesn’t make me any less fearful of the process, particularly with this being the Civil Service process, where people on Reddit and the like air their grievances about it very publicly and moan about how difficult it is. I have received some reassurances from my line manager and I have received word that a fellow colleague not on the panel would be more than willing to be my application and interview assistant, but I think it’s one of those things where I won’t feel fully reassured until I’ve started the process (or at very least, much of my concern comes from the unknown of it all). I’m highly sceptical because I’ve bombed so badly with the CS process in the past, and I absolutely suck at STAR interview questions (I also absolutely bombed at graduate scheme applications when I was still in university for this reason). I’m driving myself insane looking at the Behaviour framework and Reddit threads about CS applications and interviews (I know I’m my own worst enemy with the looking at times, but I find dealing with the unknown really difficult and anxiety-inducing, and looking things up almost makes me feel like I’m taking control of the situation and making things more known?). I’m struggling to prevent this from occupying a huge amount of headspace in my brain.

But away from that… things just feel so downcast in every corner of life at the moment, and it’s putting me in a bit of a negative mental place. I don’t know if it’s current geopolitical turbulence, I don’t know if it’s just January being a generally bleak month, I don’t know if it’s my job application-related worries compounding general moods, but it feels like there’s so little to be happy about at the moment. It feels like everything is so negative; the news is non-stop negativity, and even so many discussions on here at the moment seem to spin off into negativity and downbeat politics discussion (I’m not saying it isn’t necessary or that people are wrong to be negative or discussing politics, but I’d also be lying if I said it helped my general mood). To be honest, two of the few things that don’t depress me at the moment are the current series of Traitors (I’ve never watched the civilian one before, and it’s utterly gripping television!), and the actual day-to-day of my job, which I’m still really enjoying and feeling engrossed in 4 months on from me starting!

Does anyone else just feel a bit… downbeat at the moment? Apologies for the rant, but I figure there will be someone supportive here who understands, and I also figure that if there’s a place to rant, this is it!

Matt N said:

I’m sorry to just randomly vent, but I’m just feeling a bit… down at the moment (for lack of a better term).

My feelings probably aren’t helped by the fact I’m fretting about having to apply for my own job in the coming weeks. I know that it was always going to be the case that I’d have to if a permanent position arose, with my job currently being a temporary contracted position, but that doesn’t make me any less fearful of the process, particularly with this being the Civil Service process, where people on Reddit and the like air their grievances about it very publicly and moan about how difficult it is. I have received some reassurances from my line manager and I have received word that a fellow colleague not on the panel would be more than willing to be my application and interview assistant, but I think it’s one of those things where I won’t feel fully reassured until I’ve started the process (or at very least, much of my concern comes from the unknown of it all). I’m highly sceptical because I’ve bombed so badly with the CS process in the past, and I absolutely suck at STAR interview questions (I also absolutely bombed at graduate scheme applications when I was still in university for this reason). I’m driving myself insane looking at the Behaviour framework and Reddit threads about CS applications and interviews (I know I’m my own worst enemy with the looking at times, but I find dealing with the unknown really difficult and anxiety-inducing, and looking things up almost makes me feel like I’m taking control of the situation and making things more known?). I’m struggling to prevent this from occupying a huge amount of headspace in my brain.

But away from that… things just feel so downcast in every corner of life at the moment, and it’s putting me in a bit of a negative mental place. I don’t know if it’s current geopolitical turbulence, I don’t know if it’s just January being a generally bleak month, I don’t know if it’s my job application-related worries compounding general moods, but it feels like there’s so little to be happy about at the moment. It feels like everything is so negative; the news is non-stop negativity, and even so many discussions on here at the moment seem to spin off into negativity and downbeat politics discussion (I’m not saying it isn’t necessary or that people are wrong to be negative or discussing politics, but I’d also be lying if I said it helped my general mood). To be honest, two of the few things that don’t depress me at the moment are the current series of Traitors (I’ve never watched the civilian one before, and it’s utterly gripping television!), and the actual day-to-day of my job, which I’m still really enjoying and feeling engrossed in 4 months on from me starting!

Does anyone else just feel a bit… downbeat at the moment? Apologies for the rant, but I figure there will be someone supportive here who understands, and I also figure that if there’s a place to rant, this is it!

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I'm sorry you're feeling down @Matt N. Applying for one's own job is common these days - due to fairness laws (which I broadly agree with) they cannot simply promote someone on a temporary contract to an equivalent permanent position. If it's not actually the same position, they have to advertise. In practice though, the person who's actually doing the job (i.e. you) is in the strongest position by far to be the successful candidate. You already succeeded at an interview once for this job, why wouldn't you do so again, and now it is even easier because you have exactly the right experience needed and the interviewers already know you're good at it. I was in this position in November, interviewing for a permanent version of a temporary role, and it's the least anxious I've ever been in an interview. Arguably I was a bit too relaxed, making a joke about stealing one of the interviewer's widescreen laptops and laughing at myself when I sprayed water all over myself. I knew all I needed to do was make sure I gave good answers to the questions and give them what they needed to put a big tick in each box, and the job was mine. And it was.

The state of the world at the moment is ... woeful. I'm afraid others might not agree with me here, but if it's getting you down the best thing you can do is disengage. Some problems are far too big for us to carry on our own shoulders. Sometimes we can acknowledge that something horrifying has happened, like the Constellation fire, and feel sympathy for those involved without finding out all the grisly details. Sometimes you just have to acknowledge that the worst types of people are those that end up in power and, by and large, that's beyond your control. So try focusing back into your inner circle - your job, your family, your hobbies, your life. I've been fairly vocal in my opinions that political discussion should be kept separate from theme-park related chat on this forum; while I think there's room for both, it is helpful if members realise that for some people, just being able to chat about coasters is important for their mental health. So you can choose to avoid the politics threads if you wish, and focus (at least for a time) on the coaster chat - and there's nothing wrong with that.

January can be a rubbish month. Christmas is so busy and colourful and overwhelming and then as soon as New Year's Eve is over it's all just packed away and no one wants to do anything - there are no events happening, no colourful lights in the stores. If you go to a restaurant on a Friday night there'll be no one there but a bored waiter worried he's about to lose all his shifts because it's sooo quiet... Furthermore, the days are still short, the weather is either too cold or too wet (or both) so even getting outside can seem like a waste of time. Holidays can be planned, but most of the time they're several months away and it's far too early to start getting excited about them. It's good that you're enjoying your work - so many people are not that lucky. I've given myself a home project this month - redecorating and re-furnishing my home office, and that's been something really positive to focus on - although I must admit I could have done without the two-and-a-half-hour IKEA trip yesterday! Maybe there's something similar you could focus your efforts on as a distraction?

Matt N said:

where people on Reddit and the like air their grievances about it very publicly and moan about how difficult it is. I have received some reassurances from my line manager and I have received word that a fellow colleague not on the panel would be more than willing to be my application and interview assistant, but I think it’s one of those things where I won’t feel fully reassured until I’ve started the process (or at very least, much of my concern comes from the unknown of it all). I’m highly sceptical because I’ve bombed so badly with the CS process in the past, and I absolutely suck at STAR interview questions (I also absolutely bombed at graduate scheme applications when I was still in university for this reason). I’m driving myself insane looking at the Behaviour framework and Reddit threads about CS applications and interviews (I know I’m my own worst enemy with the looking at times, but I find dealing with the unknown really difficult and anxiety-inducing, and looking things up almost makes me feel like I’m taking control of the situation and making things more known?). I’m struggling to prevent this from occupying a huge amount of headspace in my brain.

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I get worked up over a lot of things, so I undertand why you are worried, but people use Reddit more often to vent than to post positive experiences, so you might want to specifically look up positive experiences or try and limit Reddit usage on topics regarding CS.

January is terrible with most places closed and if you can find somewhere to go, it'll be bitter or wet or you'll get stuck in snow. Feeling glum isn't unusual.

Matt N said:

I’m sorry to just randomly vent, but I’m just feeling a bit… down at the moment (for lack of a better term).

My feelings probably aren’t helped by the fact I’m fretting about having to apply for my own job in the coming weeks. I know that it was always going to be the case that I’d have to if a permanent position arose, with my job currently being a temporary contracted position, but that doesn’t make me any less fearful of the process, particularly with this being the Civil Service process, where people on Reddit and the like air their grievances about it very publicly and moan about how difficult it is. I have received some reassurances from my line manager and I have received word that a fellow colleague not on the panel would be more than willing to be my application and interview assistant, but I think it’s one of those things where I won’t feel fully reassured until I’ve started the process (or at very least, much of my concern comes from the unknown of it all). I’m highly sceptical because I’ve bombed so badly with the CS process in the past, and I absolutely suck at STAR interview questions (I also absolutely bombed at graduate scheme applications when I was still in university for this reason). I’m driving myself insane looking at the Behaviour framework and Reddit threads about CS applications and interviews (I know I’m my own worst enemy with the looking at times, but I find dealing with the unknown really difficult and anxiety-inducing, and looking things up almost makes me feel like I’m taking control of the situation and making things more known?). I’m struggling to prevent this from occupying a huge amount of headspace in my brain.

But away from that… things just feel so downcast in every corner of life at the moment, and it’s putting me in a bit of a negative mental place. I don’t know if it’s current geopolitical turbulence, I don’t know if it’s just January being a generally bleak month, I don’t know if it’s my job application-related worries compounding general moods, but it feels like there’s so little to be happy about at the moment. It feels like everything is so negative; the news is non-stop negativity, and even so many discussions on here at the moment seem to spin off into negativity and downbeat politics discussion (I’m not saying it isn’t necessary or that people are wrong to be negative or discussing politics, but I’d also be lying if I said it helped my general mood). To be honest, two of the few things that don’t depress me at the moment are the current series of Traitors (I’ve never watched the civilian one before, and it’s utterly gripping television!), and the actual day-to-day of my job, which I’m still really enjoying and feeling engrossed in 4 months on from me starting!

Does anyone else just feel a bit… downbeat at the moment? Apologies for the rant, but I figure there will be someone supportive here who understands, and I also figure that if there’s a place to rant, this is it!

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Bless you @Matt N

Personally, looking at Reddit may be raising the anxiety even more in your situation, I know I haven't got the experience of the situation but from my recent personal experiences, seeing posts and videos on Reddit, Tiktok and Instagram reels weren't particularly helpful (about breakups and no contact). There is a lot of personal venting on places like Reddit so know it can magnify the negatives and have you think the worst case scenario.

I know it being January and winter season, the blues are amongst us but the best thing I could say is keep being optimistic and look forward to the upcoming season. Soon enough we'll be riding rollercoasters again.

Matt N said:

I’m sorry to just randomly vent, but I’m just feeling a bit… down at the moment (for lack of a better term).

My feelings probably aren’t helped by the fact I’m fretting about having to apply for my own job in the coming weeks. I know that it was always going to be the case that I’d have to if a permanent position arose, with my job currently being a temporary contracted position, but that doesn’t make me any less fearful of the process, particularly with this being the Civil Service process, where people on Reddit and the like air their grievances about it very publicly and moan about how difficult it is. I have received some reassurances from my line manager and I have received word that a fellow colleague not on the panel would be more than willing to be my application and interview assistant, but I think it’s one of those things where I won’t feel fully reassured until I’ve started the process (or at very least, much of my concern comes from the unknown of it all). I’m highly sceptical because I’ve bombed so badly with the CS process in the past, and I absolutely suck at STAR interview questions (I also absolutely bombed at graduate scheme applications when I was still in university for this reason). I’m driving myself insane looking at the Behaviour framework and Reddit threads about CS applications and interviews (I know I’m my own worst enemy with the looking at times, but I find dealing with the unknown really difficult and anxiety-inducing, and looking things up almost makes me feel like I’m taking control of the situation and making things more known?). I’m struggling to prevent this from occupying a huge amount of headspace in my brain.

But away from that… things just feel so downcast in every corner of life at the moment, and it’s putting me in a bit of a negative mental place. I don’t know if it’s current geopolitical turbulence, I don’t know if it’s just January being a generally bleak month, I don’t know if it’s my job application-related worries compounding general moods, but it feels like there’s so little to be happy about at the moment. It feels like everything is so negative; the news is non-stop negativity, and even so many discussions on here at the moment seem to spin off into negativity and downbeat politics discussion (I’m not saying it isn’t necessary or that people are wrong to be negative or discussing politics, but I’d also be lying if I said it helped my general mood). To be honest, two of the few things that don’t depress me at the moment are the current series of Traitors (I’ve never watched the civilian one before, and it’s utterly gripping television!), and the actual day-to-day of my job, which I’m still really enjoying and feeling engrossed in 4 months on from me starting!

Does anyone else just feel a bit… downbeat at the moment? Apologies for the rant, but I figure there will be someone supportive here who understands, and I also figure that if there’s a place to rant, this is it!

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Dearest Matt,

First of all, breathe.

January is historically, statistically and meteorologically the most miserable month of the year. The Christmas lights are down, the weather is grey, the bank balance is recovering, and the news cycle is currently doing its best impression of a dystopian novel. Feeling downbeat right now isn't a failing. It’s a perfectly rational response to the environment.

Regarding the job... Stop Reading Reddit.

Reddit is a self selecting community of people who like to complain. People who sail through their Civil Service interviews and get the job don't go onto Reddit to write 500 word essays about how broken the system is; they just go to work. You are consuming a distorted dataset that confirms your anxieties rather than reflecting reality.

You have a massive advantage that you are overlooking in your panic. You are the incumbent.

You are not an unknown candidate trying to prove you could do the job. You are the person currently doing the job, and by your own admission, you are enjoying it and doing it well. Your line manager is supporting you. A colleague is helping you. These are not the actions of a department looking to replace you. These are the actions of a team that wants you to tick the boxes so they can keep you.

The Civil Service application process is rigid and bureaucratic, yes, but it is also predictable. The STAR method is just a framework for storytelling. You don't need to invent hypothetical scenarios, you just need to explain what you did last Tuesday.

Situation: The server crashed.
Task: I needed to fix it.
Action: I did X, Y, and Z (use "I", not "we").
Result: The server worked and the project was delivered on time.

You are living the "Result" every day. You have the answers to the test because you are currently sitting the exam in real time, 9 to 5, Monday to Friday.

Step away from the behaviour frameworks for an evening. Watch The Traitors. Eat something comforting.

You are capable, you are supported and you are already doing the work. You have got this.

As always, reach out if you need.

🪿

Thanks everybody for the support. It makes me feel a bit less alone.

With regard to the job application, I think at least part of my concern arises from the fact that I got the job in the first place via a vastly less rigorous application and interview process. With it being a contract role, I was called out of the blue by a recruiter from the agency on Tuesday and given an interview and offer on Wednesday, which I accepted on Thursday after some thinking time. And the actual nature of the interview was basically a very bright and breezy chat with my current line manager and team lead in the vein of “tell us about your skills and experiences”. Whereas for the permanent role, I know the process is a lot more rigorous and a lot more specific, with the STAR-style behavioural interview questions that I dread reigning supreme (while I don’t yet know if the interview for this specific role will hinge entirely on these, with it being a more technical post, I know they will at very least underpin a very considerable section of the interview).

I think you may be right about Reddit, @GooseOnTheLoose, @owenstreet7 and @Zeock! As much as I find it interesting reading and I find it a good site for keeping up with things, it does feel like the Civil Service Reddit in particular seems to be full of people who are surrounded by incompetence, hate their colleagues and don’t want to ever attend the office… which I can’t say is a reality I see or agree with (in my department and directorate, at least)!

Maybe a distraction isn’t a bad idea @NuttySquirrel. I find I worry less when distracted.

I’ve left it for a bit, but I did start a fun little project a couple of weeks back to migrate my multiple disparate coaster spreadsheets into a combined SQL database and Django web app, applying some of the skills I’ve learned in my job to this hobby. I’m hoping this might make me able to exploit even more data-based insight from my count than I already do! My mum and I are also going to start going swimming together again next week; I always used to really like swimming, but I haven’t been in ages and I thought it might not be a bad thing to get back into. Perhaps these are better things to focus on?

Just to add to all the good words above, there is absolutely zero proof those people on Reddit are actually civil servants. They could be anyone with an axe to grind, or just looking for karma by posting the most horrendous recruitment stories they can think up. The vast majority of the more normal posts I see are about people getting stuck in the security vetting system - if you're already doing the job I'd assume you already have the right clearance, and that's another point in your favour because you can start tomorrow (or never stop) whereas a totally new person would need clearance.

The only bit of the CS Reddit worth reading is the Friday all caps thread. I wouldn't worry about the rest of it.

Alix said:

Just to add to all the good words above, there is absolutely zero proof those people on Reddit are actually civil servants. They could be anyone with an axe to grind, or just looking for karma by posting the most horrendous recruitment stories they can think up. The vast majority of the more normal posts I see are about people getting stuck in the security vetting system - if you're already doing the job I'd assume you already have the right clearance, and that's another point in your favour because you can start tomorrow (or never stop) whereas a totally new person would need clearance.

The only bit of the CS Reddit worth reading is the Friday all caps thread. I wouldn't worry about the rest of it.

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That’s a good point. I have been assuming that everyone on there is posting in good faith, which is a dangerous thing to do on the internet…

I was checked by the agency before I started, but I wasn’t sure if I’d need checking again, as I would technically be changing employer in legal terms?

If you're already on their books I can't imagine it taking ages - certainly not as long as a new person would.