2019: General Discussion

[Kraken27]

That isn't new.

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They're probably doing it to stop complaints claiming the P2P games are rigged in any way. They're not rigged as such, they just make it that bit harder for you to win.

It's only like the Hole in One golf challenge on the lake - the golf balls used there have never been regulation ones. If they were the main lawns & bottom of Towers Street would be a complete danger-zone (depending on the players golf driving skills, or lack thereof). I do think there has been a sign up on this game from pretty much day 1 years ago advising the balls are non-standard.

 

[RicketyCricket]

Wonder how many winners they get on the golf? Once a season if that Id imagine.

Pretty sure someone won the car before.

 

[imanautie]

They're probably doing it to stop complaints claiming the P2P games are rigged in any way. They're not rigged as such, they just make it that bit harder for you to win.

It's only like the Hole in One golf challenge on the lake - the golf balls used there have never been regulation ones. If they were the main lawns & bottom of Towers Street would be a complete danger-zone (depending on the players golf driving skills, or lack thereof). I do think there has been a sign up on this game from pretty much day 1 years ago advising the balls are non-standard.

If it was me behind me would be dangerous, namely due to the club going flying....

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[djtruefitt]

Those signs about the hoops have been there for years, used to be on the side of the stands. However it seems they have full new stands this season.

Also spotted from dark forest signage there is a mistake on it already (says “score on basket” instead of “score one basket”), sure that will have a nice sticker over it shortly

As for the hole in one, there is a board with photos on of previous winners, sure there were a few photos on it last season.

 

[Alsty]

Wonder how many winners they get on the golf? Once a season if that Id imagine.

Pretty sure someone won the car before.

Didn't two people win it in the space of a few weeks? They soon stopped giving away cars as the prize after that

And yes the golf balls aren't regulation. If you pick one up you'll find they're much lighter than you'd expect.

 

[Kraken27]

Didn't two people win it in the space of a few weeks? They soon stopped giving away cars as the prize after that

The all-time classic P2P games clangers from Towers were...

1. The "Crack the Safe" combination game (near where Sub-Terra SBNO's now). Towers had a digital combination safe and if you cracked the combination you won £500. Only problem was they had not changed the default combination - prize was won on the first day by a punter who worked in a shop that sold the same model of safe.

2. The "£100 for a hole in one" putting green near the Runaway Mine Train. Two winners on day 1 alone.

Just shows how inept Towers were when they ran the P2P games themselves.

 

[WickerManiac]

Hi everyone,

Some of you might not be aware but today Nick Varney presented the 2018 preliminary results for the financial year, with a fair portion dedicated to Alton Towers Resort and the wider Merlin estate.

A summary of the 1 hour long presentation follows, which is entirely objective and factual:

• Net Promoter Scores are up. Merlin operates its parks at a 'world class' level due to their KPI results and Nick claims it is 'virtually impossible to increase the NPS above 57% (which it currently is). For context, last year was Merlin's best ever year for KPIs. See Figure 1.

• The company were "launching a new ride" at Heide Park called Colossos. Nick makes reference to the investors viewing the presentation by saying "This image might be familiar to those of you who have seen our Wicker Man product. At Merlin we never let a good idea go un-copied if we can help it."

• Merlin welcomed a record number of visitors to their attractions in 2018 (67M). Resort Theme Parks, in particular Alton Towers Resort, had an outstanding year, "Helped by the installation of the Wicker Man attraction and a strong Halloween product."

• The future of this business is all about IPs. Nick claims Merlin are the best in the world at pulling off Intellectual Property location based entertainments. See Figure 2.

• Resort Theme Park's allocated capital expenditure is to reduce even further in order to fund Midway roll out and future LEGOLAND Parks. See Figure 3.

• Merlin create the best themed accommodation in the world, unrivalled by any other amusement or park operator. They plan to continue this drive to turn their parks into resort destinations because it is the "ultimate win-win, as people who stay at the attractions provide better KPI scores."

• Oh, and they are no longer counting pop badge as assets on their balance sheet to aid with the preparation of their financial statements for the Midway Division. See Figure 4. Yes - I am not joking.

My concluding remarks:

It is astonishing that Merlin have achieved their "best ever" KPI scores given they were publicly outed by the Financial Press for their poor TripAdvisor results a couple of months ago. Additionally, to believe that the Guest Satisfaction has increased seems unreasonable due to the decrease in overall quality of their attractions. Merlin seem adamant to continue packing their parks with as many rooms as possible irrespective of consumer demand. It was interesting to note that the Stargazing Pods were completely omitted from the presentation. Finally, it was bizarre to see Nick bill the Colossus reopening as a new attraction.

Figure 1:

Figure 2:

Figure 3:

Figure 4:

 

[John]

How utterly depressing.

 

[Danny]

Further confirmation that Nick Varney is an absolute bell end with no desire to run the theme parks properly and lacking the imagination to do so.

"This image might be familiar to those of you who have seen our Wicker Man product. At Merlin we never let a good idea go un-copied if we can help it."

This should read:

"At Merlin we never let a good idea go un-copied if we can help it because we lack any form of imaginative ideas. If we accidentally stumble upon something that works, milk it to death in every possible manner until it becomes stale and decreases in individual value".

"Helped by the installation of the Wicker Man attraction and a strong Halloween product."

There's no arguing Wicker Man helped Towers' guest figures. A strong Halloween product though, seriously? Last Scarefest was fairly weak. The new maze was a let down and the removal of scare zones, replaced with the much cheaper (and also much harder to encounter) roaming actors do not contribute to a 'strong' Halloween product.

The future of this business is all about IPs. Nick claims Merlin are the best in the world at pulling off Intellectual Property location based entertainments.

Get your head out of your arse and go and look at what other parks are doing. Your pulling off of IPs is done as cheaply as possible and is an insult to the respective brands.

Resort Theme Park's allocated capital expenditure is to reduce even further in order to fund Midway roll out and future LEGOLAND Parks.

Given the man worked his way up through the company in RTP Marketing, this is the ultimate insult and confirmation that the man couldn't give a toss about the likes of Towers, Chessie, Thorpe et al. How the hell can Thorpe's capital expenditure be reduced anyway? It's borderline nothing. 40th anniversary and it all it has to show is games consoles in a tent.

Sell the theme parks and keep running the Midways and Legoland Parks. But if you don't have the balls to put the time and effort needed into running theme parks properly, yet claiming how you're second only to Disney, you really shouldn't be running them at all.

Merlin create the best themed accommodation in the world, unrivalled by any other amusement or park operator. They plan to continue this drive to turn their parks into resort destinations because it is the "ultimate win-win, as people who stay at the attractions provide better KPI scores.

How the hell is vinyl hotel rooms, pig farm/concentration camp sheds, shipping container prisons and block buildings with outlines painted on anywhere close to the best themed accommodation on the planet?

I resisted the urge to punch him square in the jaw when he showed a lack of manners to me in person when I worked for the company, but this takes the biscuit. What a vile creature.

 

[Bert2theSpark]

All I read was “Blah blah blah, Shut up Disney doesn’t exist, blah blah blah, More IPs, blah blah blah, We will copy any original idea we have”

EDIT: forgot to mention the “Oh by the way, We are reducing RTP Capex just so we can focus on Legoland and Midway”

 

[ringo]

How is it even possible for those KPI to be correct? Unless answering the first question. which is usually press the number 8 counts as 100% happy

And Thorpe was bottom for guest satisfaction as well which would of dragged the average satisfaction down for the combined results

 

[RicketyCricket]

So the bullsh*t, deception and desperation comes straight from the top. Great to see.

This is my favourite bit.

"Merlin create the best themed accommodation in the world, unrivalled by any other amusement or park operator."

They've just built a refugee camp at their leading UK theme park ffs.

What planet do this lot live on?

 

[DiogoJ42]

I have nothing to add that hasn't already been said about the contents of my toilet after a night on beer and curry.

 

[TPC]

So if you want your opinion heard, you have to do 6 or less out of 10, otherwise you are seen to fully love the park by their data collection technique

 

[Kraken27]

Merlin create the best themed accommodation in the world, unrivalled by any other amusement or park operator. They plan to continue this drive to turn their parks into resort destinations because it is the "ultimate win-win, as people who stay at the attractions provide better KPI scores."

Mr Varney - take a trip to Europa Park, or PhantasiaLand. Both are pretty close so the Ryanair / easyJet flights should not break the bank (not that you'd be paying anyway). They will show you what European parks without a "Disney budget" can do when it comes to themed accommodation.

P.S. You won't find any Stargazing Sheds at either of those two parks!

 

[Sauron97]

If you are passionate about theme parks and want to go as far as getting a career in the TP industry, don't work for Merlin full stop, unless you wanna be walked over and be limited in what you can do/achieve. Why is it that there are so many ticked off ex Merlin employees in places/forums such as these? hmm. Drayton or Paulton's =much better, family run (and closer communities), much more decent and much more genuine

 

[bluesonichd]

Mr V must have been completely off his tits on smack to give this speach

Its the only way to make sense of it all

 

[RicketyCricket]

All the Disney parks must have at least 40 hotels in total, then there's the likes Europa, Phantasialand, Port Aventura etc.

I'm not sure any of Merlin's hotels would even rank in the top 50 tbh.

I've only ever stayed at ATH (which was brilliant under Tussauds), but the others I've nipped into seem pretty average. I hear the Gardaland one is decent.

 

[Austin Towers]

That hotel statement is nuts. I've only ever stayed at Slash Landings and it's the worst hotel experience I've ever had. A night on my own bathroom floor would have been more comfortable and I'd probably find a better breakfast if I had a rummage up the u-bend of my toilet in the morning.

I'd like to blame Brexit for Varneys clearly insane ramblings but I can't.

 

[MattyH]

I stayed at Splash over Fireworks. The hotel room itself was similar in quality to that of Travelodge in that both are decent. But nothing spectatular. The breakfast on the other hand was worse than that I could get in a spoons.