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The I Feel Down Topic.

Edit: Response to Alee not Towers freak getting pooed on

That's called being a teenager!

I found my blog from ten years ago and it was the most horrendous thing I've ever read, all moaning about how no one cared and how cool my friends were, how unattractive I was, etc.

But I realise now that those people who were 'so cool' (they were in an anime club and about 3-4 years older) were giving me the time of day, they spoke to me, listened, let me be around them. And I must have been insufferable (I still consider myself that way now, sometimes). I feel like I should thank them for being there, speaking to me, at clubs, online, whatever. But I'm pretty sure they just knew what it felt like, being that age. They were probably just as bad themselves.

So believe me, this feeling will pass. It'll be replaced by different feelings. But people do care, and they do understand, more than you think. They just can't be there all the time telling you that (and even if they could, it probably would never get through to you). So don't despair.

The internet makes the world smaller and we're so accessible to each other...yet it's still really hard to feel connected.
 
Towers freak said:
Due to being given the wrong information by the agency I discovered today when I went to the company I was due to work for that due to transport not starting early enough I won't be able to make the 6:00 am start time.
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I was told by my agency that temp contract workers were eligible to apply for internal vacancies the same as regular employees. Turns out that is a complete lie they told all of us who were only looking for perm/long term roles, in order to get bums on seats.

Thankfully it turns out I hate the job but that's not really the point! This agency is just a complete shambles. Everything they have done so far has been wrong and needs to be corrected by one of the agency staff. The job itself is bad enough :/
 
Had a super smashing week last week.

Found out one of my uncles had died on Wednesday from a heart attack. I wasn't particularly close to him, but he was still my uncle.

Found out on Thursday that one of my cousins on the other side of my family had died on Tuesday. Again, not particularly close but still close enough for it to be upsetting.

Found out on Friday that said cousin had actually killed himself by jumping off the Orwell Bridge in Ipswich. Nobody knows why yet, he showed, as I'm lead to believe is often the case, no outward signs of his intention. He had closed his bank account and other necessities beforehand. I'm not sure if that makes it better that it wasn't spur of the moment or worse that he was obviously in a bad place for so long that he could plan and execute such actions.

I feel sad about both these incidents, but I feel sadder when I think about what the rest of my family are feeling back at home. It also distresses me greatly that my cousin's last moments alive could have been both terrifying and painful as he fell.

Sorry if this all a bit over the top and far too much for a rollercoaster forum, I just needed to put what I was feeling somewhere other than my head.
 
Isn't that what this topic is for? to post your problems so people can help you. If people don't know there's a problem, people can't help, no point keeping it in your head making you feel worse and worse.
 
Dar said:
Had a super smashing week last week.

Found out one of my uncles had died on Wednesday from a heart attack. I wasn't particularly close to him, but he was still my uncle.

Found out on Thursday that one of my cousins on the other side of my family had died on Tuesday. Again, not particularly close but still close enough for it to be upsetting.

Found out on Friday that said cousin had actually killed himself by jumping off the Orwell Bridge in Ipswich. Nobody knows why yet, he showed, as I'm lead to believe is often the case, no outward signs of his intention. He had closed his bank account and other necessities beforehand. I'm not sure if that makes it better that it wasn't spur of the moment or worse that he was obviously in a bad place for so long that he could plan and execute such actions.

I feel sad about both these incidents, but I feel sadder when I think about what the rest of my family are feeling back at home. It also distresses me greatly that my cousin's last moments alive could have been both terrifying and painful as he fell.

Sorry if this all a bit over the top and far too much for a rollercoaster forum, I just needed to put what I was feeling somewhere other than my head.
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Really sorry for your lose :(
 
Last night, I went on an amazing date with a guy I met on Ok Cupid. We really hit it off, and we left each other with plans to meet up later in the week.

Cut to a day later, and he messages me on Facebook. He explains the relationship cannot go any further, because he is scared of what others might say. He stresses that he likes me; that I'm brave, beautiful, all this good stuff. But at the end of the day, none of that matters. Because I'm trans.

Right now, I feel like a second class citizen. All I can think of is how I'll never get to find out if we'd have worked as a couple for no reason other than my gender history. It's painful. And what's worse, I don't see how things could get better.

Since before my operation, I was used to being a 'dirty little secret' of most guys - they'd 'appreciate' me in private, but would be ashamed of me in public. It turns out, it's exactly the same post-operation. I don't understand what the big deal is. If you like me; if you find me attractive, funny, smart, all these good things - why does it matter what others may or may not say?

I'm sick of being treated like a lower level of society. I'm much better than that.
 
Ashlee, I've had the pleasure of getting to know you better over the last few months.

I have to agree, you are better than that! You are not a second class citizen. You absolutely deserve to be happy.

It may be harder for you to find the person you can be happy with, but I'm confident that you will. Until that happens, you have us. :) Not much comfort, I know. But it's better than nothing x
 
Amy said:
Ashlee, I've had the pleasure of getting to know you better over the last few months.

I have to agree, you are better than that! You are not a second class citizen. You absolutely deserve to be happy.

It may be harder for you to find the person you can be happy with, but I'm confident that you will. Until that happens, you have us. :) Not much comfort, I know. But it's better than nothing x
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Hear hear! :)
 
When I say 'second class citizen', I don't mean how I feel depressed by all this. Rather, it's the social stigma attached to dating a trans person.

The guy had no problem with me as a person, but said it would be the problem his family and friends would have with me was the issue. I wouldn't have this problem were I a cis woman. But because I'm trans, situations like this happen all too regularly. It makes normal dating for me virtually impossible.

Episodes this this amount to nothing more than discrimination against my gender identity - and I'm tired of it.
 
Dont you just love people that have a world they are happy in, and anything that is outside their norm is wrong and should not be allowed. ::)
Just think, if we did not have opened minded people thought out history, the following would still be arround

No votes for women.
women would be pregnant, and tied to the house.
Black and ethic people would be inslaved to the white man.
Homosexuals would be locked up and treated for their condition.

If people are not open to the idea of people with who has transformed due to gender identity, then it their loss.
 
What a ridiculous man.

I am doing online dating as well and you become very good at 'dodging bullets' like this after a while. Doesn't make the grazes any less painful, however :( Sending good VIBES your way.
 
Following on from the above post, I've been thinking about this for a while, but I wasn't really sure whether to post this or not as it looks really needy and attention seeking. But it's not meant to be!

For the past couple of months I've been doing online dating. I've done it before, two or so years ago, when I came out of a long-term-thought-we-were-getting-married type relationship. I met some nice people but then ended up meeting someone else, offline, two weeks after taking out a 6-month subscription on match.

Well with that all now in the past, and having been single for the longest time in my life (having previously transitioned from one relationship to the next), I am actually finding dating a real problem.

I have met a dozen or so guys for coffee dates. All lovely (apart from one who was completely weird in a non-endearing way and really messed me around), all offered to pay for things, were perfect gents, etc. But I would get home and start reading my tumblr, and theme park news sites, and youtube channels. These guys would message me and I'd feel no inclination at all to message them back. My mind did not ever stray to them like it would for 'trip planning' or 'wondering what the refurbished Forbidden Valley toilets are like' (exaggeration but you get the idea hopefully).

I think I might have a problem, essentially. I don't think this level of indifference is normal, and I react really badly to things people on these online sites say.

Obviously my profile says that I'm a theme park and coaster enthusiast (among other things of course), but I get messages like 'Alton Towers was crap', 'I'd rather do a skydive', or one today which described Forbidden Journey at IOA 'where you rode on a bookshelf that tipped around in front of a projector screen'. I think my eyes must dilate when I read these things and I know it's not normal. I have to take a few breaths before I can respond in a reasonable manner. I don't know if that's people's genuine feelings or if it's them trying to be cute (like when women say 'there are red cars and blue cars LOL!')

I tried to cover this in the rollercoaster talk I did last year but if anything I am worse than I was then. I am aware of it, yet I know I must be completely insufferable.

I think there are probably some other personal factors at play influencing my indifference but still, I feel really ashamed and worried about myself. Most of my friends are married, getting married, and have children or children on the way.

Am I the only one letting this get in the way of appreciating another person? Why am I getting more 'enthusiastic' about theme parks as I get older? (Is it BECAUSE I am single and live alone that I am getting more obsessed?!)

How can I balance this thing I love so much with actually interacting with *normal* men? (women I have no problem!)

I just don't feel right about my state of mind :/
 
Laura

First of all, I met my husband on an online dating site. But it took a lot of weeding through idiots! I found that as a woman on a dating site, you get a hell of a lot of messages, most of which don't really say much! I was very picky, and I struggle meeting new people. For that reason, I only ever plucked up the courage to meet one guy in person, after months of chatting online. That was my now-husband. It wasn't smooth, and we became friends at first, then randomly ended up getting together months later. So my first point is, online dating can work. Two of my friends also met their husbands online.

My second point is, my enthusiasm for coasters and theme parks is having an affect on my relationship too. My enthusiasm has really grown since I finished my Masters, and allowed myself to become involved in TST. My husband likes rides and theme parks, but he doesn't want to go anywhere near as often as I do. It does put a strain on our relationship. Now, don't get me wrong. I love my husband, and I don't regret marrying him. But I do think that if it was now, I'd have actively looked for somebody who loves coasters and theme parks as much as I do. I see other couples jointly excited about visiting places, and I'm a bit envious.

I guess I'm just saying that it's not just you who thinks like this. Sorry if this isn't any help. It's a bit of a ramble!
 
To all of the above.

You haven't met the right person yet.

When you do, you'll know.

You are all beautiful people who deserve happiness. I am sure it will come to you all.

Now, back to being a miserable grumpy fecker.
 
Hey Laura
I've been doing online dating for a while so I know how frustrating it can be. Maybe you haven't met the person you feel you have a connection with yet and that's stopping you from being eager to reply and take it further.
On the subject of people being insulting about your interests, these guys aren't even worth replying to and getting upset about. If someone isn't going to respect your interests and you for who you are they aren't worth acknowledging. It's better to find out now rather than later.
Online dating can be rather demoralising at times (I never get replies to my messages) but keep at it and I'm sure you will find someone.
 
Thanks for the kind comments.

The thing is I don't know that ALL of them are being insulting. Maybe they are trying really hard to engage with me on something they know little about, and I'm reacting in a stupid way. The last long-term relationship I was in, I was really lucky, as he wasn't into theme parks like I was but he engaged with me about things and shared in my excitement and if I wanted to go to a park for a day, WE WOULD GO and there'd be no huffing about it.

But the thing that worries me is my apparent complete detachment from things normal women like. Meals out, bars, clubbing, babies, dinner parties. I used to love all of those things (apart from clubbing) and now I don't. I play with Lego and airsoft guns and have rollercoaster photos all over my house. Someone is talking to me about his rowing activities and I'm just...that's great... I'm going to check for Screamscape updates. He probably feels the same way about my theme park thing. It's like it's blocking me from engaging with the real world. I know for a fact my mum is really worried about me :(
 
Probably taking this off topic, but I'm going to chip in here with my humble opinion. Shared interests with a partner is good, but it's not the be all and end all. My husband likes theme parks (admittedly this liking has really only developed through me), but he doesn't always want to come on theme park trips. Also, I don't always want him to come! Healthy relationships need space between partners, other people to spend time with and let's be honest, sometimes you need to moan about your partner to other people! I love my husband, but I also love my friends, and I love spending time with them and just being me, not somebody's wife. Not being joined at the hip doesn't mean we love each other less, it simply means we appreciate our time together more.
Also, when you meet the right person, none of this will matter because it will just work. Not effortlessly, but it will work. I am also a firm believer that you have to love and be comfortable with who you are before you meet someone else...as Carrie Bradshaw said, 'When you find someone who loves the you you love, well that's just fabulous!'
 
It doesn't get any easier as you get older either Laura !

I'm happily divorced and not even looking to date at the moment but actually looked at joining Plenty of Fish a few weeks ago for a laugh but I realised when it asked me for my interests I wanted to put Caving, Lego and Roller Coasters which just looks decidedly odd for a bloke in his forties.
I'm not ashamed of any of my interests but I really don't think I can be bothered trying to justify them to strangers.

I'm sure I should really like walks in the countryside and meals in restaurants but it's not really me and there seems little point in pretending otherwise.

A friend of mine was moaning to me the other day that she had agreed to take her kids to Alton Towers for the day during the Easter Holidays and was going to hate every minute of it. I really couldn't get my head around how that could be anything but brilliant fun. I hope I never get to the age or mind set that a day at the Towers doesn't get my heart racing.

You should never have to change what makes you happy to please others, I don't intend to, neither should you !
You're still young, there's plenty of time, don't compromise.
 
My best friend and I had an argument.
Now I feel terrible I've lost them as a friend and it was because she thought I treated her badly. When all this time I've looked after her, given a lot of my time and thought, made her feel better when seriously bad things happened which I won't put on the forum and even though I fancy her a lot, I set her up with her crush because I want my friend to be happy. Then when a few of her other friends try and convince her I treat her badly she agrees with them. :I I feel very betrayed but its life I guess. :L
 
I had a panic attack last night due to various different things going on and I felt so alone as there was nobody there to help aside from two friends (who were both only via text messages as this was past midnight). It just made me think about my life and what's going on in it and it really scared me. I don't want it to happen again.
 
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