Following on from the announcements of Chessington and Towers' new for 2020 attractions, it was inevitable Thorpe were going to announce their additions at some point. Thankfully, a friend of a friend of a friend managed to slide me the press release for their new addition.
M25: The Journey Never Ends
This
second hand brand new, state-of-the-art attraction will be situated underneath the former Stealth's top hat, resembling the delight of taking a journey around the iconic orbital London motorway. Each ride vehicle will be themed to some of the various foreign lorries that take great pleasure in failing to indicate, cutting you up and navigating roundabouts in the totally wrong direction.
Branding and Innovations intern Georgian Littleton said: "We are delighted to bring the the thrills of the M25 to life here at THORPE Park Resort".
"Thorough guest research indicates that 99.1% of our guests get stuck in traffic on the M25 on the way to and from the resort, so it's only natural that we replicate this adrenaline pumping sensation in the nation's thrill capital".
Alongside the new addition, Amity Speedway is to be re-themed to London Heathrow Airport, with Stealth undergoing an extensive re-theme to Swissport: The Ride. Guests will be invited to climb aboard their very own luggage themed train carriage, before replicating the experience of their luggage being launched from a conveyor belt up into the hold of an aircraft; before plummeting back down to the ground in a crashing and chaotic manner - much like the genuine Swissport handling procedure.
Merlin Entertainments CEO, Nick Varney, commented: "We are really pleased with the new additions across our UK parks next year".
"The world's first Duplo Dream Coaster at Legoland Windsor Resort will continue our mission to introduce low capacity rides to further increase extortinate queue lengths, driving revenue from Q-Bot sales at the parks".
"At Chessington World of Adventures Resort, we are fulfilling our next bold step in our game of HUSS Removal Bingo by removing Rameses Revenge, replacing it with a much lower capacity drop tower. Our industry leading new log flume will also help to detract guests from the shoddy re-theme of Tiger Rock's tunnel into a concrete turd, further enhancing the guest experience we are somewhat passionate about".
"Alton Towers Resort will also see our game of HUSS Removal Bingo almost draw to a close, with The Blade being replaced with an exciting, top secret world's first HB Leisure Game that we can't wait to tell you about in the near future.
We are finally giving Cloud Cuckoo Land a repaint with an open tin of paint we found round the back of B&Q; naming our area "What in the World of David Walliams" after the first four words David Walliams said when he first saw our plans to put a cut/paste midway attraction into the ride area that should have been dedicated to him the year previously".
"Our addition and re-theme at THORPE Park Resort continues to boldly direct the park into the direction of mishap and chaos that we've been striving for since we first accquired the park".
"By re-theming Stealth into Swissport: The Ride, we are also able to market the product as not only the world's first airport themed baggage roller coaster, but also as brand new to insinuate we've finally built a brand new roller coaster since our last addition in The Swarm back in 2012".
"Brexit or no Brexit, Merlin Entertainments is launching itself into 2020 with an exciting portfolio of world-beating attractions that we can't wait for guests to experience. Wait, what do you mean we've got no accommodation pl"
An opening date for the new additions is yet to be confirmed.