Sam
TS Member
A few thoughts on Epcot:
- Let's cut to the chase: Epcot is a terrible park. It fails in almost everything it sets out to do, in almost every way. Thematically, it is flawed. The concept doesn't work. The execution is dreadful. Why?
- Most of the rides are awful. The Mexican boat ride, Imagination, Snorin', The Seas, Spaceship Earth and Sum of All Thrills are average at best. Mission: SPACE, Living with the Land and Ellen's Energy Adventure are appalling. The latter two should not be operating at a Disney theme park. They are an embarrassment to the company.
- Both of the areas suck, in different ways. Future World is utterly soulless - a horrible, barren concrete savannah of bad design and misguided 1980s educational video tedium. It is not a nice place to be in. It is not visually interesting. It is not intellectually stimulating. It's blandness just sprawls like an out-of-town Milton Keynes shopping centre.
- I remember loving World Showcase when I was 13, but this time I didn't. Without wanting to come across too Socialist Workers Party, I find the appropriation of other cultures and the dilution of those cultures into pavilions - basically cartoonish parodies of that culture - highly questionable. I don't care when it's the UK or Canada or whatever, but turning Morocco or China into a Mickey Mouse caricature is deeply dodgy.
- More on World Showcase: I don't mind when Animal Kingdom does the same thing with Africa and Asia because it's so much better done. It's nuanced, it's subtle, it's intelligent and it's well-researched. The country areas at AK show a deep level of understanding, of sensitivity and of respect. As someone who has spent time in rural Thailand and Malaysia, AK's approximation is also pretty accurate. There's no Taj Mahal or Timbuktu at AK. World Showcase is a totally different story. Most countries have a hilariously bad landmark (Eiffel Tower, Hampton Court Palace, Stave Church) that acts like a massive sign saying "LOOK THIS IS FRANCE." Unlike at AK, the areas lack detail (except maybe Morocco) and feel kinda plasticky. No country has enough space to really say or do anything of interest - that's left to the decent enough film shows which range from great (Canada) to good (France) to poor (China). World Showcase is cultural appropriation at its worst, and also, sadly, it seems to bring out a slightly xenophobic side in me when I see overweight Americans in motorised buggies zooming around the park thinking they're getting any sort of 'real' taste of that country. The foreign staff seem faintly embarrassed to be lampooning their own countries so tastelessly.
- World Showcase is also the only part of any WDW theme park that feels like a rip-off. You pay through the nose for average food and standard-issue European lager (great). The souvenirs are cheap rubbish. The lack of rides means that the entire focus of the area is on spending money. It's very cynical, just like the Harry Potter land at Universal (more on that later). Wallet grab!
- Snorin' is exciting at first when the vehicles swoop through the air, but quickly becomes dull. It cuts too much. Why isn't it one continuous shot? You also unfortunately fly over Disneyland, which is better than any single park in Florida.
- Also unfortunately, you never really feel immersed on Borin' because you can see a row of people's feet dangling down into your view, like there's been some sort of mass hanging above you.
- Spaceship Earth is alright, but not as good as I remember it being. It's a little boring in places, and dingy too. I like the bit where you see the earth suddenly appear at the apex of the dome, but the journey backwards is as dull as ditch water. The scenes on the way up could do with being jazzing up a bit with better animatronics and more dynamic action.
- Ellen's Energy Adventure is suicidally tedious. I think they should just close it and replace it with nothing. Mothball it. Having it open, even if it soaks up crowds, actively makes people's days worse because they spend a tenth of their time in the park being bored out of their skulls on this time vampire. It has no redeeming features. Disney's number one priority in Florida should be replacing this.
- Imagination was so average that I can't even remember anything about it.
- Living With The Land, holy god damn, where to even begin with this? I can't really talk about this ride without resorting to language that would be unacceptable in this medium. It is detestably awful. It is actively unethical that the Disney corporation rob your time in this way, after you've paid so much to get in. It is a gob in the face from the House of Mouse. For what it is, and the company that built it, it's probably the worst ride I've ever been on.
- The Seas is better than when I last went on it because of the addition of Nemo characters, which mildly liven up this forgettable ride. If they can't replace The Land and Ellen immediately they should do the same thing as soon as possible - chuck as many big characters in as possible to at least make them bearable until something better can be built.
- Test Track, while not quite as good as it was before it was sexed up, is still a great ride - Epcot's saving grace. It isn't a coaster, but for all intents and purposes it feels like one. What the refurb has added in terms of slickness, it has lost in terms of charm and silliness (fortunately, many Disney rides still have this camp frivolity in abundance, like RnR and Space Mountain). Some of the lighting is really cool (the lighting strike, the EPCOT-esque future city, the neon truck). The ride still gives a great sensation of speed as you hurtle around the outside of the building. It's just a shame that they got rid of the hot, cold and radiation rooms, which were previously a highlight.
- IllumiNations is a great show, if a little short.
- Sod World Showcase purists, the Frozen ride will massively improve the park by actually being something that people want to go on. Apart from Test Track, that is a novelty at Epcot. It'll probably double the quality of the park overnight.
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