Autism the thread

[Matt N]

In terms of comorbities, it was always highly suspected that as well as autism, I may also have mild dyspraxia. I honestly think I do have dyspraxia as well as autism, as I seem to display many of the symptoms of dyspraxia despite never having been formally diagnosed. For instance:

• I’m quite forgetful.
• I struggle to do things like tying shoelaces, and I’ve always struggled at multitasking, to a degree; I’m not good at things that require a large amount of coordination.
• To a degree, I’m a bit clumsy; I’ve often had random moments where I do something like trip over my own feet!
• When I was little, and my parents took me to see therapists, it was always suspected that I might have dyspraxia because I couldn’t jump, and I struggled to use a knife and fork. I can do those things now, but I couldn’t when I was little.

 

[Jonathan]

There's quite a crossover between autism and dyspraxia. Wouldn't surprise me if I've got it as well, but I'm not sure how useful it'd be to pursue a diagnosis now. My memory isn't great sometimes, and I can remember inane stuff like exactly which episode of a TV show a bit of dialogue appeared in, yet I can't remember what I had for breakfast (though I don't normally have breakfast anyway ). Coordination's never been great, and I've probably mentioned before that PE was hell for me, with one teacher in secondary school who seemed to enjoy humiliating me. Non-throwing events in athletics, though? I wasn't too shabby, and somehow made the long jump final at my Sports Day in Year 7. Course, I got through as the last one of six, but to get that was a big achievement for me in of itself! I struggled to tie shoelaces for years, and would usually have Velcro-fastening footwear for school until I could tie laces. Even now, I find it challenging, and will often just slip shoes on and off. Not recommended for formal shoes, by the way - tried it once when really tired after getting home from London following a day trip there for my brother's graduation, and I nearly ripped the sole off one of them. I'm quite clumsy as well, and can trip over my own feet sometimes for no discernible reason. It's a miracle I haven't managed to seriously injure myself yet through doing that. After I got diagnosed as being autistic, I went through some occupational therapy, and one of the things they did was to give me special cutlery which was designed to help me use them 'properly'. I think it worked in the long run, but I've no idea what happened to them. Probably got thrown out in one of our many house moves.

 

[imanautie]

I had someone doing some study into dyspraxia shadowing me for a few days in secondary school, there's a reason my laptop is a toughbook and my AAC device is in a rugged case....
(Not 100% sure if I am judt wouldn't be remotely surprised)

 

[Jonathan]

For a while, I used to have a SmartCover for my iPad. I went through a few of them before realising I'd be much better off getting a cheaper case that's more durable - particularly when I had to buy a new iPad after the screen on my first one borked. I'm on my second one of them, annoyingly, but it's certainly proven to be more durable. Don't know whether it was due to me being autistic that I got through a number of SmartCovers (they always had to be red) or if it's just the general build quality, but I'm inclined to believe it's the latter, though me being autistic probably didn't help much.

Don't know why, but I've suddenly managed to realise one particular scenario where I tend to be a bit more clumsy on my feet and feel as though I may be about to fall over. It seems to happen more often when I'm changing my clothes - especially when I'm putting on or removing my socks and underpants. Not sure why those two, but maybe it's a balance thing when I'm on one leg for an extended amount of time. Never normally have that issue with trousers or shorts.

 

[Skyscraper]

I went to Primark the other day with my support to get some more socks as a lot of mine have got holes in, and it was pretty busy.

I had my mask exemption pass around my neck, which might explain why a staff member came up to us when we were walking around, and said "once you're ready to pay, go to till 15 which is the accessible one and you'll be served straight away, without having to queue".

We didn't even ask, and weren't near the tills! It was really helpful though as the queue was quite big and there were a lot of people around. We did have to wait a couple of minutes as there was someone at that till, but we were able to wait in a quiet section near the till exit.

That's made me remember to get a sunflower wristband, which I've been meaning to do for ages, for when I no longer need to wear my mask exemption pass.

Top marks to Primark Sheffield The Moor for making my experience more comfortable!

 

[Jonathan]

That's really good of them to do that and make it easier for you. I've made my dislike of Primark clear in the past due to the shopping environment being somewhat unpleasant & stressful, with so much of it seemingly being left untidy. Having said that, I've gone in Primark if I need something at short notice that's cheap, such as a hat when I was in Colchester and due to see Ed Sheeran in Ipswich that evening when it was baking hot. Got lucky when it scanned through the till and was £3 - half the price on the tag! There's some stuff I simply can't handle having from Primark due to the quality feeling cheap and/or the fit not being right for me, but I can just about cope if it's an emergency and I need something quickly.

 

[Matt.GC]

I thought it's very relatable and you articulated it very well.

Also Im no expert but I remember learning bipolar is used less often as an actual diagnosis these days and more often seen as more of traits of things like ADHD and aspects of autism spectrum etc which is interesting, which themselves often different person to person

I think you're right with that. The Consultant Psychologist told me that Bipolar is very hard to diagnose for the same reasons. Some of the obsessive behaviours and susceptibility to panic in situations where there is a sensry overload and the feeling of being overwhelmed are often misread as being autistic when in fact it's a sign of someone feeling desperately vulnerable and in search of a 'happy place' or their brain wanting to desperately protect them from harm that could trigger previously experienced mental trauma.

Hyper phases where I exhibit over confident behaviours and and see the world in 'black and white' and in such simplistic terms also get confused with this.

He said it's also often confused for deep depression, which is something I was wrongly treated for since my teenage years (a long time ago now!). As he put it, who goes to their GP and says "I've got a problem doc, I love life and feel great!". No one does this, they only go when they see something as a problem. This and my stubbornness were seen as why it took so long to diagnose.

When I was a young, I was treated with anti depressants which are now all but banned in the UK and they seemed to work at the time. However, modern anti depressants are SSRI's which seriously alter brain chemistry. These sent me completely crazy and left me almost completely unable to regulate my moods (more akin to type 1 bipolar where moods change rapidly as opposed to type 2) and he said they are the worst thing you can treat bipolar with as they make it far worse. I was punching the air in over excitement one moment, and contemplating my existence in a very dark place moments later.

I haven't looked in to what you said, but I can well believe that they are hesitant to simply stick a bipolar label on people who act strange in this day and age because it can have bad consequences. Even as a fat middle aged man, I cried when I got the diagnosis as it was almost like a relief that finally, half way through my life, it wasn't all in my head after all. There was like a feeling of release and that someone understood.

Sent from my VOG-L29 using Tapatalk

 

[ChristmasPud]

It's very helpful to read how you felt too because Im often faced with a lot of the same questions. Long story, which Im not so ready yet to post online, but very helpful to read thank you.

 

[Jonathan]

OK, so at church this morning, we were outside again. I don't know whether it was the brighter-than-usual sun, or the fact I'd only been awake for 15 minutes prior to the service starting, but the white pages of the songbook felt brighter than usual when looking at them. I wasn't the only one to have noticed the pages seeming brighter than usual. I was just wondering if anyone else has that issue sometimes.

Also, on my way back from Reading yesterday evening, I was sat browsing Reddit on my phone, and came to a realisation about stimming. Chewing the non-nib end of my pen is probably not the best thing to do while I'm at work (tbh, chewing either end of a pen while at work probably isn't the best of ideas), and I'm wondering if it'd be sensible to look into something like chewable jewellery as a slightly better way of stimming that won't risk me accidentally ending up with tiny shards of plastic in my mouth. Not that it's ever happened before, mind, but I wonder if it'd be worth investing in chewable jewellery anyway. May look weird having a 28-year-old chewing on something hanging around my neck in a retail setting, but I'm weird enough anyway.

 

[Jonathan]

OK, so I sent an audition tape to the National Theatre a while back to try for the role of Christopher in their new production of Curious Incident. Got an email back a couple of weeks ago thanking me for applying, but they won't be taking my audition any further. To be honest, that's what I was expecting to get. And you know what? I'm not too upset by it. Yeah, it sucked getting that email, but I'm fine with it. It was a bit of a long shot anyway, but the fact is I was willing to step outside my comfort zone and do something different, so to me, that in of itself is a victory.

 

[Matt N]

Sorry to bump the thread, but there’s something I do that I’d be curious to know whether it’s to do with autism or more general.

As many others with autism might be able to empathise with, I don’t have the strongest social skills, even though I would by no means say that I’m incapable of talking to people. They are particularly not strong when it comes to off-the-cuff responses or the more spontaneous side of speech; I sometimes struggle with having the perfect response in more spontaneous social interactions.

Because of this, I often find myself self-analysing and self-judging my social interactions after they’ve happened, even if it’s the smallest of interactions; sometimes, I think to myself “Wow, I really messed that one up. What must they think of me?” and I often overthink even the smallest of interactions with other people. I often find myself thinking of a better response after the interaction has happened.

So I was only curious to know; do any of the other autistic members or anyone else who struggles a bit with social skills do that, or is it only me?

I apologise, as I know this probably makes me sound incredibly weird…

 

[imanautie]

Sorry to bump the thread, but there’s something I do that I’d be curious to know whether it’s to do with autism or more general.

As many others with autism might be able to empathise with, I don’t have the strongest social skills, even though I would by no means say that I’m incapable of talking to people. They are particularly not strong when it comes to off-the-cuff responses or the more spontaneous side of speech; I sometimes struggle with having the perfect response in more spontaneous social interactions.

Because of this, I often find myself self-analysing and self-judging my social interactions after they’ve happened, even if it’s the smallest of interactions; sometimes, I think to myself “Wow, I really messed that one up. What must they think of me?” and I often overthink even the smallest of interactions with other people. I often find myself thinking of a better response after the interaction has happened.

So I was only curious to know; do any of the other autistic members or anyone else who struggles a bit with social skills do that, or is it only me?

I apologise, as I know this probably makes me sound incredibly weird…

YES! but I don't say I struggle with social skills, more autistic's have a different rule book to allistics with their secret one.

 

[Matt N]

YES! but I don't say I struggle with social skills, more autistic's have a different rule book to allistics with their secret one.

Perhaps “struggling” with social skills was the wrong word.

I think what you said rings more true; most autistic people, myself included, interact/think differently to and perhaps have different ideas of what a good response is to non-autistic (is allistic another word for non-autistic?) people, especially in terms of the spontaneous responses their mind leaps to when put under pressure.

Is that what you were getting at? Sorry if I’ve misinterpreted you here.

Also, what do you mean by our “secret” rule book?

 

[imanautie]

Yes allistic === not autistic, and yes that is what I was getting at

 

[JAperson]

I often find myself self-analysing and self-judging my social interactions after they’ve happened, even if it’s the smallest of interactions; sometimes, I think to myself “Wow, I really messed that one up. What must they think of me?” and I often overthink even the smallest of interactions with other people. I often find myself thinking of a better response after the interaction has happened.

I find myself doing this and I'm not autistic as far as I know. I think it's more to do with worry for me and I think about my interactions for the day and analyse them.

 

[Matt.GC]

Sorry to bump the thread, but there’s something I do that I’d be curious to know whether it’s to do with autism or more general.

As many others with autism might be able to empathise with, I don’t have the strongest social skills, even though I would by no means say that I’m incapable of talking to people. They are particularly not strong when it comes to off-the-cuff responses or the more spontaneous side of speech; I sometimes struggle with having the perfect response in more spontaneous social interactions.

Because of this, I often find myself self-analysing and self-judging my social interactions after they’ve happened, even if it’s the smallest of interactions; sometimes, I think to myself “Wow, I really messed that one up. What must they think of me?” and I often overthink even the smallest of interactions with other people. I often find myself thinking of a better response after the interaction has happened.

So I was only curious to know; do any of the other autistic members or anyone else who struggles a bit with social skills do that, or is it only me?

I apologise, as I know this probably makes me sound incredibly weird…

I do this every day. It's like a frantic paranoia of mine. My main concern is, because I'm a bit weird, I don't want other people to know that. So I over analyse every social situation and I find it exhausting.

I read over emails I've sent at work over and over again after I've sent them and go through in my head many of the conversations I've had that day. It's mainly out of worry that I've appeared weak in front of someone, given away too much information (and therefore knowledge and power over me) or I've let mask slip.

It's not because I want to be liked as I really don't, I got over that years ago. I'm very happy with my own company and I have a job that means I often have to make decisions that others will not like or agree with and I cannot avoid that (sometimes it makes me feel like the lonely bad guy who everyone else hates). It's more of a self protection thing. I don't want people thinking I'm mad, crazy, weird or weak.

 

[Jonathan]

I often find myself overthinking social situations for ages afterwards. It's a struggle to work out why, but I think in part, it's due to me wondering what people may think of me - especially if I think I've said the wrong thing!

Also, spontaneous conversation is never easy for me. Trying to come up with responses really quickly is such a struggle. I think it goes some way to explaining why I'm such a dreadful liar.

 

[imanautie]

I often find myself overthinking social situations for ages afterwards. It's a struggle to work out why, but I think in part, it's due to me wondering what people may think of me - especially if I think I've said the wrong thing!

Also, spontaneous conversation is never easy for me. Trying to come up with responses really quickly is such a struggle. I think it goes some way to explaining why I'm such a dreadful liar.

I wonder if it's because deep down you know the other side is running under that different rule book so your trying to guess what their rules would have been?
I think I end up doing the over thinking a LOT less with my fellow autistics (and to a lesser extent neurodivergents in general because their rule book more closely mirrors my own.

Sent from my Swift 2 using Tapatalk

 

[Jonathan]

I wonder if it's because deep down you know the other side is running under that different rule book so your trying to guess what their rules would have been?
I think I end up doing the over thinking a LOT less with my fellow autistics (and to a lesser extent neurodivergents in general because their rule book more closely mirrors my own.

Sent from my Swift 2 using Tapatalk

Hmm, there may be an element of that with regard to autistic individuals and other neurodivergent people - I'll be honest and admit I've never thought about it in that way before.

 

[Matt N]

I do this every day. It's like a frantic paranoia of mine. My main concern is, because I'm a bit weird, I don't want other people to know that. So I over analyse every social situation and I find it exhausting.

I read over emails I've sent at work over and over again after I've sent them and go through in my head many of the conversations I've had that day. It's mainly out of worry that I've appeared weak in front of someone, given away too much information (and therefore knowledge and power over me) or I've let mask slip.

It's not because I want to be liked as I really don't, I got over that years ago. I'm very happy with my own company and I have a job that means I often have to make decisions that others will not like or agree with and I cannot avoid that (sometimes it makes me feel like the lonely bad guy who everyone else hates). It's more of a self protection thing. I don't want people thinking I'm mad, crazy, weird or weak.

I get that. Whenever I send an email, I often proofread it a couple of times to make sure that nothing I say can be misconstrued or nothing I say will offend or give off an incorrect impression.

I’ll admit I think I do it out of self-consciousness and worry about people liking me, although I’ll admit that there might also be an element of what you said as well; I’ve always been (or at least, felt like) “the weird kid”, and for that reason, I often try to seem as “normal” as possible when talking to people. I am very keen to make sure I haven’t offended anyone or really annoyed them; I’m always keen to please people and make them happy, and I always tread very carefully to make sure I’m not annoying anyone.