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The I Feel Down Topic.

So, I asked work if I can drop back down to being a senior developer instead of a managerial type dev lead as I realised I don’t really have it in me to do all the management stuff, none of the things I actually enjoy work wise and also retain my mental health.

That isn’t the sad part though - the sad part is that I didn’t realise it earlier and kind of feel like I’ve let myself down a bit by pushing myself this far for so long and things not working out. Like, I’m really happy with going back to being a dev again (I LOVE software development and my current role involves extremely little to none of that), but I just think… does not wanting to progress further make me a failure, even if it means I can’t do the thing I love doing? I know of course the answer is no and that happiness is WAY more important than anything else, but I just can’t get the thought out of my mind.
 
Leigh said:
So, I asked work if I can drop back down to being a senior developer instead of a managerial type dev lead as I realised I don’t really have it in me to do all the management stuff, none of the things I actually enjoy work wise and also retain my mental health.

That isn’t the sad part though - the sad part is that I didn’t realise it earlier and kind of feel like I’ve let myself down a bit by pushing myself this far for so long and things not working out. Like, I’m really happy with going back to being a dev again (I LOVE software development and my current role involves extremely little to none of that), but I just think… does not wanting to progress further make me a failure, even if it means I can’t do the thing I love doing? I know of course the answer is no and that happiness is WAY more important than anything else, but I just can’t get the thought out of my mind.
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Absolutely not a failure - you’re in work for a huge proportion of your time. So long as you’re earning enough to live comfortably there is no point going for more money and being miserable for over 40 hours a week.
But like you said, you know this - I’m just backing you up against the little nagging doubt in your head.
 
I loved care, but hated management, so caused hell at work by "going down a notch" and going back to care work.
Then the paperwork and cuts took over, and now I have loved being a gardener for a decade and a half.
Do the stuff you enjoy, stuff the rest.
 
I've had the same decision to grapple with but it does come through in the end. I've made it clear I don't want to be a manager. I'll be the best technical specialist they can ask for and will have a go at everything, but I am no manager.
 
I’m so tired of my unhealthy relationship with alcohol. Deep down I’ve known for years that I have a problem but I never seem to be able to stop.

I’m not the most confident of people and have social anxiety in some situations, which has led me to drink and drink and drink. It’s gone from drinking to feel confident to drinking every night even alone. All I feel today is sadness which I know is from hammering it over the Christmas period.

I’m on antidepressants which is pretty pointless when I’m swallowing the tablet with a beer or glass of wine every night.

I’m not too sure why I’m even posting this but it feels good getting this out of my head. I feel like today is a good day to stop.
 
Matt878787 said:
I’m so tired of my unhealthy relationship with alcohol. Deep down I’ve known for years that I have a problem but I never seem to be able to stop.

I’m not the most confident of people and have social anxiety in some situations, which has led me to drink and drink and drink. It’s gone from drinking to feel confident to drinking every night even alone. All I feel today is sadness which I know is from hammering it over the Christmas period.

I’m on antidepressants which is pretty pointless when I’m swallowing the tablet with a beer or glass of wine every night.

I’m not too sure why I’m even posting this but it feels good getting this out of my head. I feel like today is a good day to stop.
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I’ve been there also. Did dry January a few years ago and then just didn’t restart. There are so many non alcoholic drinks now I find I can still feel “normal” when out. Being brutally honest, being sober doesn’t help with the social anxiety; but I’ve found new friends who accept I don’t drink and we can still have a laugh without getting hammered. If you need to be drunk to tolerate those around you they may not be the right people for you.

It is hard, but if you’ve decided you’ve had enough you can stop - just keep trying every day. Using the dry January app might give you a bit of encouragement - it certainly helped me.

alcoholchange.org.uk

Dry January. Are you in? | Alcohol Change UK

Take part in Dry January to double your chance of a totally alcohol-free month - and get all the amazing benefits that brings!
alcoholchange.org.uk alcoholchange.org.uk
 
Matt878787 said:
I’m so tired of my unhealthy relationship with alcohol. Deep down I’ve known for years that I have a problem but I never seem to be able to stop.

I’m not the most confident of people and have social anxiety in some situations, which has led me to drink and drink and drink. It’s gone from drinking to feel confident to drinking every night even alone. All I feel today is sadness which I know is from hammering it over the Christmas period.

I’m on antidepressants which is pretty pointless when I’m swallowing the tablet with a beer or glass of wine every night.

I’m not too sure why I’m even posting this but it feels good getting this out of my head. I feel like today is a good day to stop.
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Well done on acknowledging it. That's always the first part. There's lots of self help out there, for quitting drink altogether or cutting down. A favourite of mine is "Sober is my new Drunk" by Paul Carr, if it's still in print. He went sober by posting it all over social media, his website at the time, and emailing his friends to tell them that he thought he had a problem and he wanted them to keep him on the straight and narrow. A bit attention seeing, but it's worked for over 10 years now.

You've got people on here rooting for you, your friends and family will be behind you as well. Help them help you by making you accountable for the positive change you want to make, implore to them that it's more than just a NY resolution thing. You've got this.
 
Sounds like you’re in a bit of a cycle, you’re depressed so you’re drinking but as you know alcohol just makes you more depressed. Recognising there‘s a problem is a big step in the right direction. Sharing it with others is a step in the right direction. Deciding to do something about it is a massive step in the right direction.

Good for you for.

Might be worth seeing someone and getting your antidepressants reviewed as well. I have to switch about every few years because they just stop working. Men never ask for help and they should!
 
I have not slept. I don’t feel too bad at the moment but I’m expecting a crash any moment. Seems to be a recurring theme when I’ve got things on my mind, not once through the night did I get that wave of tiredness I usually get, just wide awake either staring into the darkness or scrolling on my phone so I don’t go insane from staring into the darkness for hours.

Decided I’m going to start documenting my moods daily in a diary, including whether I slept or not. See if I can make sense of why I get like this. Seems to be happening more and more lately (the not sleeping - my moods are always up and down).
 
BigShadowtinytree said:
I have not slept. I don’t feel too bad at the moment but I’m expecting a crash any moment. Seems to be a recurring theme when I’ve got things on my mind, not once through the night did I get that wave of tiredness I usually get, just wide awake either staring into the darkness or scrolling on my phone so I don’t go insane from staring into the darkness for hours.

Decided I’m going to start documenting my moods daily in a diary, including whether I slept or not. See if I can make sense of why I get like this. Seems to be happening more and more lately (the not sleeping - my moods are always up and down).
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Have you tried a sleep/meditation app? I am regularly wide awake in the middle of the night and use Calm sleep stories to distract my whirring brain to get back to sleep. Personal favourite is a reading of the executive summary of GDPR regulations - it is so very boring I’ve never got to the end of it awake 😂 Some nights I wake multiple times so use multiple stories.
 
Alix said:
Have you tried a sleep/meditation app? I am regularly wide awake in the middle of the night and use Calm sleep stories to distract my whirring brain to get back to sleep. Personal favourite is a reading of the executive summary of GDPR regulations - it is so very boring I’ve never got to the end of it awake 😂 Some nights I wake multiple times so use multiple stories.
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One technique that worked for me over Christmas was trying to go through the running order for the shows of Eurovision 2023 and further back than that if needed. It worked - that's all I'm saying.
 
Alix said:
Have you tried a sleep/meditation app? I am regularly wide awake in the middle of the night and use Calm sleep stories to distract my whirring brain to get back to sleep. Personal favourite is a reading of the executive summary of GDPR regulations - it is so very boring I’ve never got to the end of it awake 😂 Some nights I wake multiple times so use multiple stories.
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I may have to give an app a go, I often try to think of something really boring like my drive to work or going around the supermarket, but my brain doesn’t like to stay on track and before I realise it I’m thinking about the thing that’s keeping me awake again!

Usually reading some really boring thing on Reddit or similar helps me doze off but it wasn’t happening last night. Still feel pretty awake now.
 
I tend to stick some very nothing YouTube videos on the lowest volume with noise cancelling headphones on my iPad with the brightness set to minimum. 99% of the time it works - although last night I will say I had some rather bad insomnia so didn’t work as well as I wanted!
 
Leigh said:
I tend to stick some very nothing YouTube videos on the lowest volume with noise cancelling headphones on my iPad with the brightness set to minimum. 99% of the time it works - although last night I will say I had some rather bad insomnia so didn’t work as well as I wanted!
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Thanks for the tip! Sorry to hear you didn’t get much sleep last night either. It’s horrible isn’t it.
 
Not sure how to quote tweet all of the replies to my initial message. Just want to thank you for your advice and support which has been a great help.

Now 9 days sober and I can’t believe how much better I feel. It’s been tough but I’m sticking to it because I like how happy and fresh I feel. 9 days isn’t a lot to most but feels like a win for me.
 
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