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The I Feel Down Topic.

Slugjc said:
I've reached 40 and feel a failure.
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Reaching 40, having a loving and supportive partner and an enthusiasm in a healthy activity is not being a failure. Well done on making it this far, there's a fair bit still to go.
Slugjc said:
I've never loved any job I've had
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Finding happiness in work can be important for some people, but I think the idea that we're all really happy in careers, which we excel at, is a bit of a false narrative that society hates itself. Most people don't really like their jobs, they're a means to an end. Roof over head, food in mouth, anything else gained is a bonus!
Slugjc said:
and get pissed off because grammatical errors, for some reason, is essential for applying for a job that involves no writing.
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For all of the talks of evil, with AI, I think it could be helpful for you here. It's perfectly legitimate and fair use for you to write what you want to say, without worrying about grammar or punctuation, feed it into Google Gemini or ChatGPT, and ask it to rewrite it for you.

"Please rewrite the following to make it gramatically and punctually correct: PASTE TEXT HERE"

Everybody struggles and you're not alone. You have the support of your friends and family, you have the support of people on here to have a friendly rant to.

I hope you can come out of the other side of this soon and I'm sorry that you're having a bit of an awful time.

Congrats on passing your HGV Level 2! Well done especially, given everything you have to overcome.

🪿

Edit: Ironically corrected a grammatical & spelling mistake.
 
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Age is playing on my mind a bit, I'm beginning to reminisce a bit about my youth.

I never talk about dreams and have distinct hatred of people who do. Mrsslugjc can recount every nights. Whilst I'm always just startled to wake up in the morning. But I had one last night that so real it's actually shaken me. It was about a place I've not thought about for a while and I certainly, haven't been or had any thoughts about going to. Blackpool.

For those in the north. For those of us with a Yorkshire and Merseyside heritage in my case. Blackpool was a place we would visit each year. Alongside Scarborough, Filey and Brid. Every trip I hated. We would park at stargate. South shore. The southern end of the tramline, the trams would loop round and head back north. Then we would march all the way to the north pier and then back. A 6 mile round trip. Maybe a stop off at the pleasure beach depending on me ma's mood and da's wallet.

I've haven't done this walk for, 26 years. Maybe more. Last night, I dreamt about parking my old VW lupo. Walking down that part of Blackpool. Remembering detail..the old go kart track, the old paving. The abandoned lido that's no longer there. Even the smell and the wind or the Irish sea. The trams going passed. That clunking noise and how they made the ground shake. how the street lights and lights in buildings would blink when they went passed. I even remembered a tram, blue in colour with a huge head on the side, huge packet of regal in hand saying "I smoke 'em. Cos my names em'"

What the cock. Seemingly could remember the old pleasure beach front. That miss mash of tat suvineer shops and chains. The old joke shop, that bloke climbing a tiny rope and to top it off, the crystal maze Experiance that was in the sandcastle, before they replaced with coronation street. (Never went in either, cos why have fun) All the illuminations that went with that. Jack and Vera duckworth. Curley and racquel watts. Bett and Judy Goodyear. Beaming at me from up high. Then to top it off. Pepsi managing to get there brand on the tower. (So I must be dreaming about 1994)

Such fine detail. I needed to write it down. Sorry for boring you.
 
I dealt with a suicide attempt at work today. I’m a manager of a popular pub chain, have been with this company for in excess of 13 years and all my training could not have prepared me for what I witnessed and dealt with today. I’m obviously not going to go into detail but essentially someone took a huge overdose in a toilet cubicle.

I felt completely helpless as they collapsed against the cubicle door. Essentially meaning I had to attempt first aid from the other side of the door while also talking to emergency services, manage a closure of the place so they could work on the individual and keep staff calm & project confidence.

Its really hit me for six and I can’t get the images out of my head of when I popped my head over the cubicle divider and saw the person collapsed, their wallet, id, 2 empty blister packs of tablets and phone laid out intentionally on the toilet.


Im seriously considering a career change now as the selfishness of the general public who surrounded staff that were evacuating a busy pub demanding refunds while a young man was losing his life metres away surrounded by firemen, paramedics and street wardens has made me lose all faith in the general public and the retail/hospitality industry.
 
Really sorry to hear of your experiences.
Due to my previous work (bar and care) I have had to deal with a few such situations.
They were all complete hell.
People are selfish, especially on a "fun" night out...nothing must get in the way of their enjoyment.
Don't let the uncaring attitude of others ruin your career.
We had to use fire extinguishers to clear a party in similar circumstances once, on the advice of emergency services.
The stress of the blocked door must have doubled your anxiety...not being able to do what your training advises in such situations can make things so much harder..."What do I do now?" in a crisis isn't great.
I hope you get through this ok, likewise with the poor other parties involved.
You did the best you could in a very difficult situation, well done.
Somebody else I owe a pint to in Crevettes...form an orderly queue.
 
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RustyRider said:
I dealt with a suicide attempt at work today. I’m a manager of a popular pub chain, have been with this company for in excess of 13 years and all my training could not have prepared me for what I witnessed and dealt with today. I’m obviously not going to go into detail but essentially someone took a huge overdose in a toilet cubicle.

I felt completely helpless as they collapsed against the cubicle door. Essentially meaning I had to attempt first aid from the other side of the door while also talking to emergency services, manage a closure of the place so they could work on the individual and keep staff calm & project confidence.

Its really hit me for six and I can’t get the images out of my head of when I popped my head over the cubicle divider and saw the person collapsed, their wallet, id, 2 empty blister packs of tablets and phone laid out intentionally on the toilet.


Im seriously considering a career change now as the selfishness of the general public who surrounded staff that were evacuating a busy pub demanding refunds while a young man was losing his life metres away surrounded by firemen, paramedics and street wardens has made me lose all faith in the general public and the retail/hospitality industry.
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It's a horrendous situation. I dealt with one randomly in public but at least I had direct access to the victim. Was walking past and they pitched forward and fell face first off a bench, no attempt to shield themselves which was very odd. Can't have been much older than late teens, his friends panicking and not wanting to say what he had taken despite him starting to try and foam at the mouth. Was very thankful I managed to coerce the information out of them and tell the ambulance service despite their protests.

Looking back I'm glad I came across the situation but it doesn't leave your head. You did what you could.
 
Similar situation when I was a lifeguard. Teenager took a load of his mum's anti depressants and was at rte bottom of the pool. Ot was a case of jump In and CPR. I was fortunate that was my penultimate day In that job. The kid recovered. 2 of my staff on that day was 16, it shocked them. I'd been there 5 years and it hit me. Especially when I discovered that kid was send down raping a child.

Mrsslugjc works on the railways. She often gives me horrific tales of suicides on the line and what the drivers have had to deal with in regards to that. I'm going to quote a song Coroner's footnote by half man half biscuit.

"Well he thought of a love unrequited
And he thought of a life full of pain
It’s a pity he didn’t spare a thought for
The poor bastard driving the train"
 
It doesn't matter how many things like this you witness, it's never really normal. It's absolutely the right response to be shaken by it, it's healthy and natural and it will fade. The worse thing you can do is suppres your natural response and thoughts, because if you do they will fester and return to you another day. Talking to people will always help, whether it's to people you know or to a support service, don't keep it inside.

I couldn't tell you how many suicides I've been to, some sucsseful, some not, and many are completely forgotten. But some will always stay with me.

Everyone has their own way but I've always found, and this is consistent within the police, that the best way to process things is to find humour in it. Life and death is absurd, suicide is absurd. A permanent solution to a temporary problem. Laugh at it. Not at the person, but at the situation. One of the training videos we watch is of the Stanstead plane crash where first attending officers are finding body parts strewn all over the place and they slip into talking between themselves in the style of a Monty Python sketch silly voice 'oooh, he's got a leg off', 'it's just a scratch'. It ended up being played in coroners court and upset some people, understandably, but the point of the training was that humor in comradery is a completely natural and helpful for processing horrors that most people will never see and probably couldn't handle, just pick your moments when using it!

And as for other people, yes, a lot of them are dicks. But you can go home knowing that you've been someones hero, you've done your best, you've made a difference, and the world is a better place for you and your actions. And they will go home and still just be dicks.
 
Humour is a good way of curing anything. Especially in a stressful situation.

I used to know a paramedic and they had to have a dark humour. The only way they could get through. Unfortunately, the lad I knew developed a god complex so we longer speak to him.

When I worked in a warehouse a lad had his foot crushed by a forklift. Nothing to serious, but he was off for a month a two. It was well known that one lad in the building had a foot fettish, he was first aid trained and was on call that day. When he walked towards to the lad in the floor, despite all the pain he was in he still had enough in him to point and say "I'm not letting that foot pervert anywhere near it....."
 
Had a bit of a rotten weekend, bust my knee just going down the stairs! Previously injured the same knee playing sport and required a long and arduous route through the NHS, surgery and months of recovery, and this pain feels exactly the same so I’m mentally gearing myself up for a rubbish few months.

Trying to be positive and fortunate that I’ve got friends and family who would drop everything to help me, but it’s still horrid when basic tasks like showering and going to the toilet become a real struggle! And having to cancel all plans for the next few weeks.
 
My partner got sacked from his job today, so that’s great. Spent the day in shock and trying to help him apply for jobs. I also didn’t want to traumatise the kids by going absolutely nuclear at him/the situation so have kept a lid on things.

I just wrote a long post about how terrible everything is and how screwed we are now but deleted it as it seemed too much like self pity. I’ll apply for universal credit since my wage isn’t enough for us to live on and the kids will get free school meals until he finds a new job, so yay I guess.


* screams internally *
 
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BigShadowtinytree said:
My partner got sacked from his job today, so that’s great. Spent the day in shock and trying to help him apply for jobs. I also didn’t want to traumatise the kids by going absolutely nuclear at him/the situation so have kept a lid on things.

I just wrote a long post about how terrible everything is and how screwed we are now but deleted it as it seemed too much like self pity. I’ll apply for universal credit since my wage isn’t enough for us to live on and the kids will get free school meals until he finds a new job, so yay I guess.


* screams internally *
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I'm really sorry to read this. I'm sure that you, he and the kids are strong enough to pull through this, and solve any issues which led to your partner's departure.

I'm sure you're probably aware, but you'll have to make a joint claim for Universal Credit if you're partnered and living in the same household. You will get your first payment 5 weeks after you sign up, this is the assessment period. You might be offered / can ask for an advance, which is effectively an interest free loan, which will be taken off any future payments. There are some other means tested benefits that you ought to consider, which you can apply for alongside Universal Credit.

Discretionary Housing Payment is awarded at the local council level and, depending on the area, is designed to cover any rent or housing costs in excess of the local housing allowance. You can find more info here:
www.gov.uk

Applying for a Discretionary Housing Payment

www.gov.uk www.gov.uk

Help with council tax is also available, decided at the local level, for low income families:
www.gov.uk

Apply for Council Tax Reduction

Apply to your local council for Council Tax Reduction if you're on a low income or benefits - this replaced Council Tax Benefit
www.gov.uk www.gov.uk

This is what the safety net is for. I'm still really sorry that you all have to go through this. I hope it all gets better very soon.
 
BigShadowtinytree said:
My partner got sacked from his job today, so that’s great. Spent the day in shock and trying to help him apply for jobs. I also didn’t want to traumatise the kids by going absolutely nuclear at him/the situation so have kept a lid on things.

I just wrote a long post about how terrible everything is and how screwed we are now but deleted it as it seemed too much like self pity. I’ll apply for universal credit since my wage isn’t enough for us to live on and the kids will get free school meals until he finds a new job, so yay I guess.


* screams internally *
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Getting the sack ended up being a fantastic lifechange experience for me, though obviously the initial experience (after six months spent on the Beach suspended on full pay) was a bit shit, to put it mildly.

Wiped the floor with them pre tribunal, and set myself up self employed with my hobby with the proceeds.

Good job I had a decent partner to help me through it mind...
Send him out gardening with a mower strapped to his back.
 
GooseOnTheLoose said:
I'm really sorry to read this. I'm sure that you, he and the kids are strong enough to pull through this, and solve any issues which led to your partner's departure.

I'm sure you're probably aware, but you'll have to make a joint claim for Universal Credit if you're partnered and living in the same household. You will get your first payment 5 weeks after you sign up, this is the assessment period. You might be offered / can ask for an advance, which is effectively an interest free loan, which will be taken off any future payments. There are some other means tested benefits that you ought to consider, which you can apply for alongside Universal Credit.

Discretionary Housing Payment is awarded at the local council level and, depending on the area, is designed to cover any rent or housing costs in excess of the local housing allowance. You can find more info here:
www.gov.uk

Applying for a Discretionary Housing Payment

www.gov.uk www.gov.uk

Help with council tax is also available, decided at the local level, for low income families:
www.gov.uk

Apply for Council Tax Reduction

Apply to your local council for Council Tax Reduction if you're on a low income or benefits - this replaced Council Tax Benefit
www.gov.uk www.gov.uk

This is what the safety net is for. I'm still really sorry that you all have to go through this. I hope it all gets better very soon.
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Thanks for this Goose! Very useful info.
 
Been an unfortunate week for me, I was supposed to be back at work yesterday but unfortunately due certain circumstances that are all a bit too complicated to explain, I was told to remain off until Monday in which hopefully they would have resolved the issue that I'm not holding my breath; I just want to get back to work again.

And to add to all this, I've caught the cold from my Dad which of course adds to my already crappy mood in which it seems nothing has gone right for me this week. What a crapstack in total.
 
Sorry if this is a slightly random post, but I’m just starting to feel a bit worried about the future this evening.

Yesterday, I enrolled onto my MSc course, which starts on 23rd September. Perhaps atypically, I made the decision to carry on in full-time university for another year for a variety of reasons. I thought that getting a more specialised, higher qualification might make me look more attractive to prospective employers in the career specialism I want to pursue, particularly seeing as the dissertation component of the degree offers the option to do your project in conjunction with industry. I also figured that another year of education couldn’t hurt seeing as I eventually grew to really enjoy my time in university (albeit it definitely took time to settle in). But as I grow closer to starting and the whole thing gets more real, I’m starting to get increasing trepidation. I’m starting to ask myself; have I made a terrible decision by choosing to stay in university for another year? I’m starting to increasingly question whether I’ve made the right choice, and I’m also worried because I’ve actually chosen to move university for my postgraduate degree as well.

The university I’m doing my MSc at is ostensibly a bit of an “upgrade” over the one I did my undergraduate degree at; I’m doing my MSc at a Russell Group university, whereas I did my undergraduate BSc at an ex-polytechnic university with little prestige on a national or international level. Despite getting first class honour’s in my undergraduate degree, I partially worry that moving to a more prestigious Russell Group university with higher standards might make the wheels come off my academic career and expose me for how incompetent I actually am. Despite what I’ve achieved in academia so far, I always have this nagging feeling at the back of my mind that I’ve just been lucky or chanced my way through life, that I haven’t deserved my academic achievements, and that I’ll eventually be exposed for how incompetent I really am, and I worry that going to a more prestigious university might be the thing that exposes this.

The other thing worrying me is thinking about the future more generally. With my undergraduate degree out of the way and it being only a year until my journey in full-time education is over (for a smorgasbord of reasons, I’ve already made the decision that I’m definitely not staying on at university even further and doing a PhD; the MSc will be my final year at university), I’m growing increasingly terrified about the future beyond the very immediate future.

For starters, I’m really scared about getting a full-time job; I’d be lying if I said that one of the reasons for doing an MSc wasn’t because I had some underlying insecurity about entering the job market straight after my BSc, and there’s a nagging part of my mind that always makes me feel like I wouldn’t be competent and skilled enough to last a second in a professional qualified career. In my head, I think that no matter how qualified I may be on paper, there will always be someone better suited to the job than me.

I’m also getting really scared thinking about some of the difficult questions and potential judgement I face in the years to come. For instance, I currently live at home with my parents. I’m perfectly happy here, my parents (outwardly at least) seem perfectly happy with me living here, and mum and dad have said that as long as I pay them a sufficient amount of rent when I enter full-time work, I can continue living here for as long as I wish. I’m happy with the arrangement and my parents also seem happy. But I fear that if I live with my parents for too long, society will judge me for it and I’ll be looked down upon. With this in mind, I feel like society will want me to move out and live on my own after a certain age… but I have some grave concerns about living on my own. Despite the fact I can do a decent amount around the house and I don’t think I rely on my mum and dad excessively, it’s the little things, like the fact that my mum still gave me a hand to fill up my car the other day (I passed my test back in June) or the fact that I sometimes have a tendency to forget about certain things, that make me concerned about my ability to live alone. Despite being quite an introverted person who often seeks solitude, feels burned out by too much social interaction, and is perfectly fine with my own company, I also think that living with other people is good for me because they keep me grounded in reality when I’m dwelling or stressed about something (my time in university has taught me that my mum and dad are excellent for this!), whereas I fear I’d spiral a bit if I lived on my own and spent too much time on my own.

The living situation thing is just one example of the difficult questions and judgement I fear I might face in the future; there are other examples too.

Sorry for the extended vent, but I think enrolling to my new university has made some of these worries feel very real to me.
 
First, it is only another year in education Matt, not a massive time in the big scheme of things.
Secondly, who the hell is going to judge you for living with parents?... it is a modern phenomenon Matt, you will not be on your own, there are millions of others in the same boat.
Thirdly, when the time comes to live on your own, or with someone else, if you want to, worry about all those bills and stuff then, no point in worrying now.
Yet again Matt, do what you like...no need to worry, you are in a very good position in life.
 
At the age of 26 around 40% of males are living at home with their parents. This is only set to rise in future with housing costs going up and other societal issues. People are getting less and less judgey about this kind of thing.

Also, anyway, try not to bother too much about what other people think about you (easier said than done at times). Who cares, what are these people to you? It's you and your immediate family that are important, screw what some stranger thinks. Don't let strangers thoughts rule your life, live it how you want to.

Also, don't put too much pressure on yourself with regards to the Uni/job stuff. Just keep putting the work in and you'll be just fine. Even if it doesn't work out exactly how you want it to (but it will), remember what Bill Hicks said: "It's just a ride".
 
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I'm in the process at the moment of buying a bigger house simply because I expect my children to still be living with me into their late 20's. We're actually planning a future of having 5 adults living in the same house. My eldest is very clever and going into year 11 this morning (he has to make his A level choices soon). I want to fully support all three of them through their university years, into the start of their careers, and to save a deposit for a home of their own. I don't want them ever going into rented, although that's not really my choice because I won't be able to stop them come 18. But we'll always be there with a home to stay in until they are on their feet.

It was easy when I moved out. Rents were lower, jobs were everywhere. Walk into a mortgage advisors office and they would just lie to get you a mortgage. Not like that now, it's perfectly normal for youngsters to spend much of their 20's living with parents. As long as you're working and saving up rather than just laying about eating Doritos, there's no shame at all in it. Why would there be?

The only thing that concerns me is if you are doing a BSc just to avoid work. If that's the case, you'll need to change your mindset. Employers don't just look at qualifications and experience, they want the whole package. Ultimately, employers ask themselves "will this person make my life easier?". A good attitude, some experience of working and being reliable in the part-time work you do whilst studying, or do in the interim whilst looking for a job in your chosen career, whilst being fully qualified, is the killer app. The biggest mistakes I see people make is having to work a year or 2 after graduation, which is perfectly normal, wondering why their dream job wasn't waiting for them even though they are gaining experience and doing something productive, or thinking that just being a good egg will carry them through. It's the whole package that is needed.

Much tougher market now but as long your not expecting to roll out of university next year and just walk in to your dream job, you'll be fine. Keep your BSc, work hard for experience, and things will fall into place. If they don't, then have a plan B, plan C and so forth. That's just the jobs market. You already have a leg up because you're intelligent and qualified. As you'll see from others in this thread, it's very rare to do a stable job, with the same employer, without the risk of loosing it, that you actually enjoy, for the rest of your life. Many of us dislike our jobs and have to plan where to go and what to do throughout our careers. For all I know, I could be completely wasting my time reskilling at the moment and be stuck in my dead end job until I retire. Who knows?

Working and living on your own is nothing to be afraid of. When you're doing it, you make it work. Really easy when you don't have children. But even when Mr Stalk does bring some little surprises your way, you make that work as well.
 
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