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The I Feel Down Topic.

My comment did refer to excessive xxxxxxing and declarations of love over facebook ranging from 'I miss him sooo much im cryin' and 'thanks for a wonderful weekend little bunny love you so much xxxxxxxxxx' to the insufferable 'Congrats to Mr and Mrs John Smith!' (I'm no feminist but that one just grinds my gears, that's an argument for another day)

However even the most innocent comment 'Can't tonight, spending the evening with Nina' or 'Great day up Snowdon with the hubby' can upset someone for whatever reason, unbeknownst to the poster. Same for anything that's affecting the person reading it at that moment. It's information you would not have otherwise known (unless you were close friends).

Doesn't mean don't say it, it just means 'Islander, I am frustrated that I sometimes get upset by such things as well'. If you use social networking you have to expect it. Doesn't mean it won't cause you immense amounts of grief annoy you though.

It makes it look like the grass is greener on the other side.
But it's the people who aren't updating facebook or twitter with every facet of their VERY INTERESTING LIFE that I really want to hear from!
 
Anxiety kicked in badly without warning today. I've had a great few weeks starting my new job and didn't really struggle with anxiety with that...so today has come as a surprise. A very unpleasant one :(
 
This is not the life I want or imagined. I don't know how to get it back on track. :(
 
Asked my parents their opinions on a lip piercing. They said I should get one, and 2 ear piercings too, then they'll put me in a dress.

Also, migraine. FUN!
 
If this is about the hair cut pic on FB, Josh, we were only messing. You know what we are like. ;)
 
School. Class people, workload, sport injuries.... Then my dad has the cheek to take this horrible woman to Chessington today and pack me off to school! Then not even bring me back some donuts! :'( What makes it worse is that he apparently had "no money" and can afford petrol and entrance fees and other tat... Instead of buying decent food. :L looks like its back to 10p reduced tesco bread toast.
 
You'll be all set for being a student, living in halls, and unfortunately most likely 'being an adult'.

Also, the Tesco Everyday Value products are mostly quite good. I use a lot of them myself out of preference and if anything is reduced I'll buy that over fresh. That's what freezers are for.

I know it's probably not viable, but maybe if you offered to do the family shopping you could make better value choices? You can make cheap, filling, and nutritious meals on a budget. Although I understand with the scholarship that time might be limited to learn how to cook.

But time is pretty limited having a full-time job!

I think if you want things to change badly enough, you will find a way to make them happen.
 
My favourite theme park trousers are dying. One of the pocket zips has busted, and another pocket's lining is wearing out. I've checked the website of the company that made them, and it seems they don't make anything even remotely like them any more.

Why is it so hard to find good combat type trousers with zippable pockets? So many of them just have velcro or poppers. The zippable ones are perfect for coastering! :'(
 
Diogo, I know someone who is an expert on such things, I'll give them a buzz and see if they can help.

I wear my 5.11 combats for parks but again, velcro and buttons not zips :(
 
A week ago, I wrote about the difficulty I was facing just waiting for my operation. I have to admit, the last week has sailed by. But frustratingly, things have only got harder.

When I say the operation is all I can think about, it literally is the only thing I can think about. Even focusing my thoughts on other issues - like finding stable work - seems futile because sooner or later the stress of waiting for the op will join up, or even overshadow, the stress of job searching.

I can safely say this is the most stress I have ever faced in my life.

There is so much going on inside my head, and nothing happening outside it. I cannot focus on any positives (such as my journalism) simply because this one long wait controls my every waking thought.

A friend of mine once told me not to focus on the operation, and to think about it as little as possible - otherwise I'd go crazy. I had no idea how right she was. I didn't pay attention to what she said because I'm so used to hyping myself up for things. If I have a holiday planned I always look up videos and read everything on the parks, making a mental map of what I'll do. If I plan on getting a game or watching a film, I'll read behind-the-scenes articles and watch trailers to build my anticipation.

With my operation, I cannot do anything like that. I finally understand the difference between wanting something, and NEEDING it.

Needing something - truly needing something from the bottom of your heart - is painful. I deal with anxiety anyway, but this is magnified to the extreme. With this being placed upon the pressures I already face daily (employment, social circles, family, health), I feel like I'm on the verge of breaking down. The past week has seen me break down in tears more times than in the past few months. I've even had to go back to anti-depressants to help me cope.

What's more, I feel awful about these thoughts because a friend of mine is currently recovering from her surgery. And what makes it worse is I now feel inadequate compared to her. It's ridiculous that I even feel this way! One of the mantras about being trans is that its no big deal what is 'down there', and because I'm so pathetic I've subconsciously bought into the idea that genitals are somehow important. I would openly criticise anyone who thought the same way, yet I'm guilty of the sin,

To everyone here, I apologise for going on about this issue. I know I took up virtually a whole page a few pages back talking about it. I'm also sure many of you are sick of me talking about my trans issues. This is a theme park forum after all, not a gender identity clinic! I'm even sick of talking about it myself. I keep trying to stress that I'm more than my gender...and I am. But I just can't help it.

4 months, 2 days to go. Then I can start living.
 
You are your gender, its just that your body needs to catch up. It is normal to get stuck on something that is a big part of your life.
And this operation is one of ,if not the biggest turning point in your life.

Try looking on the bright side, you have 4 months to do things you cant do for the time it take you to recover. (i know easier said than done) so enjoy absailing, sky diving, bike riding before your crotch is too sore to do them for a while. ;)
 
I'm gonna try and throw myself into stuff to kill the time; namely, writing and excercise. I'm also trying to remind myself that I am WAY under the average age for having the operation, which kinda makes me feel better in a way.
 
AshleeKel said:
A week ago, I wrote about the difficulty I was facing just waiting for my operation. I have to admit, the last week has sailed by. But frustratingly, things have only got harder.

When I say the operation is all I can think about, it literally is the only thing I can think about. Even focusing my thoughts on other issues - like finding stable work - seems futile because sooner or later the stress of waiting for the op will join up, or even overshadow, the stress of job searching.

I can safely say this is the most stress I have ever faced in my life.

There is so much going on inside my head, and nothing happening outside it. I cannot focus on any positives (such as my journalism) simply because this one long wait controls my every waking thought.

A friend of mine once told me not to focus on the operation, and to think about it as little as possible - otherwise I'd go crazy. I had no idea how right she was. I didn't pay attention to what she said because I'm so used to hyping myself up for things. If I have a holiday planned I always look up videos and read everything on the parks, making a mental map of what I'll do. If I plan on getting a game or watching a film, I'll read behind-the-scenes articles and watch trailers to build my anticipation.

With my operation, I cannot do anything like that. I finally understand the difference between wanting something, and NEEDING it.

Needing something - truly needing something from the bottom of your heart - is painful. I deal with anxiety anyway, but this is magnified to the extreme. With this being placed upon the pressures I already face daily (employment, social circles, family, health), I feel like I'm on the verge of breaking down. The past week has seen me break down in tears more times than in the past few months. I've even had to go back to anti-depressants to help me cope.

What's more, I feel awful about these thoughts because a friend of mine is currently recovering from her surgery. And what makes it worse is I now feel inadequate compared to her. It's ridiculous that I even feel this way! One of the mantras about being trans is that its no big deal what is 'down there', and because I'm so pathetic I've subconsciously bought into the idea that genitals are somehow important. I would openly criticise anyone who thought the same way, yet I'm guilty of the sin,

To everyone here, I apologise for going on about this issue. I know I took up virtually a whole page a few pages back talking about it. I'm also sure many of you are sick of me talking about my trans issues. This is a theme park forum after all, not a gender identity clinic! I'm even sick of talking about it myself. I keep trying to stress that I'm more than my gender...and I am. But I just can't help it.

4 months, 2 days to go. Then I can start living.
Click to expand...

Ashlee, I can't speak for anyone else, but I'm not sick of you talking about this! It's an incredibly big thing you're talking about and I'm happy to hear about it regularly! x
 
Well a few weeks ago I had a conversion with the chemist, who the family has been to since she was a trainee when my mum was a assistant. And she put my mind at sort of at ease over the tablets the doctor gave me.

They don't affect the kidney problem, I have. the type of diabetes my family has a history of is not one listed. and I was changed from diuretic to antispasmodic medication 3 months ago.
Then told me the reaction time, bit is a cover their bum thing.

however she was worried about the contra indicator for suicide thoughts. and gave me a info for safe self removal from the medication, just in case.

Guess what, she was right to. I am dropping the medication after seeing the doctor. As I had a turn for the worst, and opened 'that box' and found the safety net, a note basically saying "Don't you Bleeping dare" with a post it stuck on it "It the meds, phone the doctors now"

So I did, It is amazing how quickly you can get an appointment when you mention suicidal thoughts to a receptionist.

I put the doctor off his stride a bit when I told him the history of 'that box' and its contents. I was waiting for the second doctor and the section 4 form ;D

anyway, we agreed I should switch to the last tablets I had. And I am feeling much better now, and the thoughts have gone.
 
Fed up to the point of destruction that hard work and passion count for nothing, even when realistically there should be three or four people in my role, and not just me. I've no idea what's going to happen to me job-wise come 5th November, and management don't appear to care in the slightest.

If I can't get any kind of job security in the sector within which I want to work, then I've really no idea what to do.
 
Well, I now have some cereal (rice krispies which are vile) in the house, but have to eat it with milk perilously close to its use by date...
 
alee298 said:
Well, I now have some cereal (rice krispies which are vile) in the house, but have to eat it with milk perilously close to its use by date...
Click to expand...

This has been going on for rather a long time now. Seriously, you cannot live on pick me ups and kind words from strangers. If your situation is half as bad as you say it is then you really need to find some real world solutions.

I’ve seen people on here give you some good advice before and I strongly suggest that you take it.
 
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