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The I Feel Down Topic.

MEATLiquor would probably help cheer me up a little. But I'm just too frustrated with life at the moment.

I'm bored of being trans. I'm sick of this 'hell'. I'm frustrated with not being able to just go swimming, or wear anything tight-fitting. I'm fed up with people treating me in a patronising way just because of the way I was born. I just want to live my life.

Hell, I'll be almost 25 by the time I get it done. Not being able to live until I'm 1/4 through my life...that's a sad thought.
 
Ashlee, I see you as a young woman and have since I met you. To me you aren't trans, you're just a plain old LASS!
 
Thank you :)

I suppose I'm lucky in that I 'pass', and not everyone necessarily sees me as trans. But I know some people see me as being 'trans' before being female, and without the matching "down below" it makes me feel kinda small :/

To some people, it could seem like this is all a moan about nothing. But it couldn't be further from the truth. I hate being trans. And to me, this operation has no equivalent. Sure, I could try and make some kinda theme park reference, maybe involving that Paramount Park or John Wardley, but that would be underselling just how huge this is.

I suppose I'm in the 'end days' so to speak. The new year cannot come soon enough.
 
AshleeKel said:
Hell, I'll be almost 25 by the time I get it done. Not being able to live until I'm 1/4 through my life...that's a sad thought.
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I often fall into this way of thinking, but luckily I didn't enjoy my childhood much so I pretend like the first 15 years never happened. That makes me 11, and only 1/7th through my life. ;)


(P.S: I urgently need educating in Meatliquor.)
 
Bear said:
Ashlee, I see you as a young woman and have since I met you. To me you aren't trans, you're just a plain old LASS!
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Excuse me, I find that very offensive.

...

Ashlee isn't plain, she's unique! :D
 
Ashlee, I'd just like to add that I agree about not seeing you as trans at all. When Ste and I met you for the first time recently, we both just saw you as a girl, same as any other girl in the group.

Hope the next few months fly by for you!
 
Ashlee, its annoying having big, important things in life, when I got my scholarship every was asking, do think they are gay? are you looking forward to it? I just got so annoyed I told them to bugger off, but the main point is we all hope you stop feeling that way soon and get back to feeling like your normal brilliant self! :) And with Sam, I agree with Delta, try writing a novel, about dark and deep thoughts, or try something completely new, look out for things that seem interesting everywhere! READ the posters around the town centres, JOIN the clubs and societies. You never know what you're good at until you try! Best of luck finding something you can excel at! :) But my down feeling is I want bed. NOW, plus my joints ache a lot too, and I seem depressed at school, everyone tells me anyway. :L
They say just my general face is a sad looking one. :(
 
Thanks guys, I appreciate the positive words.

I think I'm finding it so hard because a friend of mine has very recently had her surgery. And as much as I am here to support her and be there for her, I can't help but be insanely jealous. It makes me feel like a horrible person - especially as I'm lucky enough to have a date for my operation.

But still...4 months 8 days to go. It feels like forever.
 
4 months can fly by if you keep yourself busy. I say do a load of stuff you won't be able to do while you are recovering, like getting pished and whoring coasters.
 
I don't see you as trans, I see you as Ashlee. it's your personality that count for me, and I think most if not all of the forum members.

Just remember the day your genitals match your mind is fast approaching, it may not be as fast as you want. Just think good things comes to though who wait.
 
Yeah Ashlee however much it means, whenever I remember your op's coming up, without thinking I assume that you're becoming male - you've just always been a woman to me, so yeah :)
 
My neighbour committed suicide today. He recently came back feom Afghanistan and was suffering feim Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, but had worked really hard to try and build a new life. He had been helping us out by working the garden for us. But other than that we barely knew him.

This past week unbeknownst to us his partner had left him for someone else who their kids called Dad. He slashed his wrists last week and was referred to the crisis team. His brother was recently put into jail. His parents didn't want to know him. Today he had no one left and was found hanging in the loft.

We had no idea what had happened, but assumed they were living apart as it had been quiet lately. This evening I heard some noises next door when I put the rubbish out. That was an hour before he was found. That could have been the sound of him committing the act.

And as awful as it sounds, I keep thinking "what will happen to the garden now?", "we never did remember to get our heater back from them".
 
EuroSatch said:
And as awful as it sounds, I keep thinking "what will happen to the garden now?", "we never did remember to get our heater back from them".
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That is a terrible thing to happen, and has no doubt creeped you out a little too, and it goes to show how people with a mental illness need far more support and understanding than is often given.

However as for your own thoughts, I would argue you don't think them, but they think you - in other words, it is just the cognitive logical side of your brain thinking these things independently of your will. My Grandfather passed away lately, and I find my brain comes up with random odd thoughts like that on a practical level that annoys the crap out of me! It is just our kind of robotic, automated, practical, purely cognitive side - without which we'd forget to post letters, put fuel in the car, buy washing powder from the supermarket etc.
 
I feel for the kids in this situation. They are going to let it sink in that their dad got so low, so unsupported that he killed himself. I have to wonder what mental scar that will leave on them.

As for your practical thoughts about the garden and heater. I have to agree with the man. The logical side of your brain with throw these things out into your general thoughts, in my experience usually at the wrong blooming time.

I have had experience of the logical side totally taking over, now that is a weird experience
 
Familial frustration time!

You are 26 years old; you're on the dole, act like you're 12, go out of your way to start arguments, make no effort to better your life or earn a living, get your shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit together!!

/mysister
 
Back down within the depressive mood that is lying in my room in the dark left doing nothing more than drinking alone, these moods seem to be happening more often
 
No food, or gas for that matter.
Tonights dinner menu:
10p frozen bread from tesco's toasted with a peanut butter.
Raw bacon
Cooked bacon ( prolonged cooking time in oven)

Drinks:
Tap water
Old ribena
Robinsons orange double concentrate
Can of pepsi ( 1 can only)
:(
 
alee298 said:
Tonights dinner menu:
Cooked bacon ( prolonged cooking time in oven)

Drinks:
Old ribena
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I could pretty much live on these two things (Well maybe not the old Ribena =P).
 
I cant, the bacon take the best part of 10 mins to cook and when you haven't eaten in about 9 hours and had 2 and a half hours of rugby training with a long 90 min bus ride home on an old bus with a cold and sharp short headaches, I went for toast.
 
The world is a hard, shitty place to live sometimes. And on top of all the awful tragedy, the workaday and trivial has a habit of stealthy ingress into the tiniest mental fissures, where it waits for sorrow to freeze it, and break the hairline cracks into blasted craters of despair.

Sent from my GT-N7105 using Tapatalk 2
 
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