Last night, I went out to a club that's targeted towards trans people. I don't do this often, but the past few months I've been feeling really lonely. I really want to be in a relationship, but I know that unlike most women I can't go to the usual places to try and meet people. My only options are transgender-related sites or club nights. This isn't ideal for me, as I just wan to be treated like any other woman. I shouldn't have to be segregated from the rest of society like this, but the reluctance of people to be assosiated with a transwoman like myself puts me in these awkward positions.
I got speaking to a guy last night. He was handsome beyond belief. At first we seemed to get along just fine, but eventually he spoke to me about sex. I refused to do what he would want me to do, and at that point he completely lost interest in me. I tried to explain my position to him, but he then told me he was 'pissed off' and 'really angry', and then got up and left. It was quite frightening. I felt that he might actually lay a finger on me.
I felt shook up, but then started talking to another guy who I'd seen a couple of times, and seemed really friendly. But all he would talk about is sex. That's pretty much all I got out of the conversation. I then left, and had to pay £25 for the taxi home.
What I found most horrible last night is that I don't seem to be treated like a human being by anyone. When most people find out I'm trans, they act all patronising about how 'brave' I must be, and that my life must be a struggle. And when it comes to meeting men, half the population would only see me as some sort of freak, the other half I'm nothing more than a sexual fantasy - one that must fit their own specific mould, otherwise I'm of no use to them.
I'm sick to death of being nothing more than an object. And when I do complain about it, I'm normally told by people that I should expect this treatment and I need to be 'stronger'. But at least they are treated like normal people! At least they are judged on their own merits, rather than what may or may not be in my underwear.
Seriously, is it too much to ask that I be treated the same as everyone else? Is it too much to not be seen as something that is disgusting or erotic?