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The I Feel Down Topic.

Vicky, If you have been in a relationship for a year and you are only just heading for your first argument, than you guys must be soul mates. Couples argue all the time, it's part of being in a relationship.
It's healthy to vent at eachother. In fact, if you don't argue, there's something wrong :p
 
DiogoJ42 said:
Vicky, If you have been in a relationship for a year and you are only just heading for your first argument, than you guys must be soul mates. Couples argue all the time, it's part of being in a relationship.
It's healthy to vent at eachother. In fact, if you don't argue, there's something wrong :p
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That's so true, a little conflict is healthy :) - also consider if it is worth getting stressed and having a row about? Clearly, if you have gone this far without an argument you must be reasonable people.
 
Vicki said:
Think my nearly 1 year long relationship might be in trouble - can't say much as my username and real name are the same and you never know who's reading. But I think I'm heading for the first argument in the relationship :(
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Just like Diogo said, arguments in relationships are perfectly normal. It is abnormal not to argue! :p It makes your relationship stronger, may give you an insight into something else, you both learn from it, your love grows. It's impossible to ever have a relationship without an argument.

Just please please don't be one of those couples that spilt up over one argument. I've been dumped loads of times because of arguments, it's very silly! If you don't think you will have an argument in a relationship, then I'm afraid it doesn't bode out well for the future of your relationship with this person. Harsh words I know, but that's my honest advice to you. It's perfectly natural! To go a whole year without an argument is pretty rare though, so well done to you both. You're clearly is a stable relationship for sure! :)
 
What is clear from this topic, is that whilst many of us have days of feeling... well... crappy, there is also a core of individuals whom make it their goal to bring a bit of joy and hope back to others.

Truly a wonderful thing, and some wise words of council to boot!
 
TheMan said:
And to sum this up, as Sir Winston Churchill said....


"When you're going through hell, KEEP GOING!"

:)
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I'm sorry but that's terrible advice! Only a fool would continue doing something if it was genuinely torturous. If you are constantly living in "hell", and you have your entire life, and will for the rest of your life, it's cowardly to "KEEP GOING!"

That's me, but I am cowardly. Far too cowardly to do the proper thing and call it a day.

TheMan said:
The power of your life, really is in your own hands - grasp your own experience, stop worrying what others think of you. STOP comparing yourself to others (yes, you Rowe ;D) - the ONLY person you are in competition with is YOU. Everyone else will have their own insecurities and concerns just like you do. Who knows how THEY view YOUR work? Also, how many times at school did we experience the smart arse who boasted about their early hand in time, only to get a crappy grade :D
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The power of people's lives is often not in people's hands. In fact, it's usually the exact opposite. The realities of living in a country with perilously high inequality and low levels of social justice means that often people's lives are at the mercy of economic forces that are completely out of their control.

If you're born in an extremely poor area, the chances of ever 'making it' in life are so slim that they're barely worth mentioning. It'd be great if everyone could 'grasp their own experience' as you put it, but for so many people this is simply impossible. And not just due to economic reasons, crippling physical and mental health can limit so many people from doing what they want to do. The human experience is that the course of your life is rarely influenced by you, but more the savagery and cruelty of chance.

To quote Jarvis Cocker's excellent song Common People:

"You will never understand, how it feels to live your life, with no meaning or control, and with nowhere left to go."
 
Without wanting to disagree too harshly with your sentiments, I come from a "working class" council estate background, and now have a partner who is disabled.

I have also worked in inner city areas, encouraging youngsters to not let their upbringing prevent them from achieving all that they can. I didn't say it was easy. Look at the likes of Gordon Ramsay, Duncan Bannatyne, in fact - many success stories are born out of under privilege. I have PERSONALLY seen inner city schools, that were in the bottom 5% of the Country for deprivation rise to become in the top 5% of achievers in the UK. Why? Because those in charge, did not impart a "no hope" attitude and tried the opposite to great success.

It is precisely the helplessness that you describe, that creates more of exactly that. There are very fortunate FEW that hold way too much sway - of that I agree entirely, but to suggest that you cannot take your destiny into your own hands is simply not true. There ARE without question, those in society who will need more help as you describe, it is up to us to grow as a society to ensure they are well cared for. I have given many years of my own time, to help change this perception and give people the confidence to really have faith in their talents and abilities.

I have a phrase on this, when climbing up the ladder, keep climbing and free up space to help others along behind you. The system isn't fair right now, that is for sure - but giving up or fighting it, is pointless. The task, is to be part of creating the alternative - that works.

The privileged over class are not going to do it for you. That does not mean it cannot be done.

I think you misunderstood the Churchill quote by the way, he means, if you are going through a bad place - keep going, and try not to stay there ;D

There is more control in peoples lives than they realise. Not as much as there most certainly could be, but that won't change until we grasp the power over our lives that we DO hold.

Anyway, not here to lecture, just wanted to offer some hope - I've seen this work countless times in hopeless situations.
 
I quit my job yesterday. It paid well, but it was far too stressful. I've barely slept in Weeks because I've been under so much pressure. Thankfully, the recruitment agency had known that I've been ill lately, and managed to get me full pay for leaving (otherwise I'd lose half the money I'd earned).

Since I've left my job I've had a few interview offers already, and I've got enough saved up so that I'm not in dire straits just yet. But I just feel really alone. I have barely any friends here, and the ones that I do have are so busy and have their own circles of friends that I barely see them. I just feel alone :(
 
AshleeKel said:
I quit my job yesterday. It paid well, but it was far too stressful. I've barely slept in Weeks because I've been under so much pressure. Thankfully, the recruitment agency had known that I've been ill lately, and managed to get me full pay for leaving (otherwise I'd lose half the money I'd earned).

Since I've left my job I've had a few interview offers already, and I've got enough saved up so that I'm not in dire straits just yet. But I just feel really alone. I have barely any friends here, and the ones that I do have are so busy and have their own circles of friends that I barely see them. I just feel alone :(
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Firstly congratulations for being brave enough, even under duress, to make a decision for the betterment of your life. Many would just carry along. I wish you great fortune in your quest for a role, more suited to your self.

As for friends, take this time to understand your self as a person is my advice (for what it is worth lol!) - I myself, am at a point where by, friends have gone in different directions and my steadfast determination to stay on my own personal path, has lead to me treading it pretty much by myself. The issue is, there are few places to hide, when you mostly have your self for company!

Take this time, to get to really know your self would be my advice - and understand the parts of you, that you really do like - and focus on them. What is important, is not the amount of friends one has, but how aligned to our own experiences they are. I found, the more intent on being positive, or focused on my own goals that I became - the more friends moved on.

There is a very definite truth, in that how our attitudes are, affects the people we ultimately attract into our own lives. This is why I say, take this time now to tend the soil of your life - and plant what it is you wish more of. Focus on the parts of your personality that you love, and love them - not in a namby pamby, new age, or arrogant way lol, but in a genuine fashion. When we know what it is we like most about ourselves, other people pick up on that in bodily language - those mysterious, magical, subconscious conversations we do not even realise we are having!

Make sure you set your intention, so that your subconscious KNOWS what it is you are seeking - so it can alert you to opportunities, that our ever distracted conscious mind may miss! Such as striking up a random conversation in a supermarket - it'll do alot of the hard work for you, without you even realising. ;D

I embarked upon an entire year long book project, based on ONE random conversation in a Library - and ended up on radio, due to another in a meeting. The list of my experiences, goes on and on. I am sure it can assist you in bringing friends into your life, that will not only banish the sense of loneliness - but will embellish it in wonderful exciting ways.

Also, of course, this is only my advice - feel free to ignore it or tell me to bog off or keep me nose out! :p

I wish you all the best!
TheMan
 
Got a D in art and my ex best friend who is trying to be my mate again shouted in my face straight after i found out (i was very upset as i know i could've done better in my homework as i got an A last time i did some) ''you got a D?!''. How dare she after she knew i was gutted? Then i missed my bus and got shouted at by my dad. I hate all this and to top it all off i have a hospital appointment tommorow and i may need an opperation. life sucks.
 
Thanks everyone - I will say, a discussion between us needs to happen, for me, but hopefully we can work through it, because my boyfriend is lovely, there's just a little issue that's cropped up :)

In other news - I've been offered a phone interview for a job, and as it's through the jobcentre, I've got to go for it, but it's back in a call centre, which I really wanted to avoid after a bad experience working in one a few years back.

But, at the same time, I'm fed up of job hunting, so I kinda hope I get it.
 
queenofspeed I hope your appointment go ok. If you need an operation to sort a medical problem then the doctor and his team must think you need it, they don't go operating on people for the fun of it.
 
A friend just turned up on the doorstep crying her eyes out because her longterm boyfriend dumped her very much out of the blue and very finally, poor girl. What do you do? There is basically nothing I can say to make her feel better.
 
Back to the arguing point, I agree totally that if you didn't argue something isn't right, and maybe both parties are keeping things in which is never good.
We had a massive bust up last night, one of the huge explosion ones, with tears and horrible things said. Ive sat all day at work thinking about it and getting "flash backs" of certain things he said and then I said..
Sadly there is not much we can do about our situation becuase there are children involved and his ex wife is causing us problems. Last night she just turned up on our regular night out, which we have done for years on the same night at the same place and whilst there is nothing you can do to prevent someone walking in anywhere, she knew full well we would be there, and made me feel incredibly unconfortable.
Now i'm scared still that things I said last night, or how I behaved will have changed everything for us and the "moving forward" which I am longing for has been halted yet again..
We need to sit down and talk, but its hard becuase he is totally defensive all the time and I am just trying to make my case, and feel like I deserve to feel good about myself and not constantly be fighting off an invisible yet very visble force!!
My eyes are puffy today from crying so hard, and I am a bit nervous about going home and what will happen.. I dont want another row but now i've got my insecure hat on AGAIN and dont know where we are..?
 
Hi Noonie,

Might I say, that what I feel is most important for you at this stage is this phrase:

Begin, with the end in mind.

If you approach this, with insecurity, pent up emotions and goodness knows what else - you stand very little chance of making any significant progress here. Whilst the details are obviously personal to you, there is one thing that will stand you in excellent stead and present to you the best chance of success, and that is setting your intention for your desired outcome BEFORE arriving home.

Think logically about it - there are two approaches here to arriving home:

1. continuing in a state of flux, uncertainty, and insecurity, OR...

2. Setting an intention, as to how your best self would deal with this situation. Steering away from prejudgement and assumptions. Imagine being given a film of the entire proceedings, and then considering at your best mood, what advice would you give to your two very dearest friends in the same situation, purely for their good?

The other thing to remember, and this is CRITICALLY important - is that our brain inevitably "colours" our experience. None of us, no matter HOW good we may think we are, EVER has a true memory of circumstance that has occurred. All that we have, is our PERCEPTION of this experience. This perception, is built based on years of building up "filters" through which we view and experience our world.

Are you that sure, it was as bad as you thought?

We all say things in the heat of emotionally charged moments, that we regret - the key is forgiving each other for these transgressions, as they are rarely indicative of how we actually view the other person in our best moods - and our best moods, are often closest to our true personality, when unaffected by situations that surround our being.

The first thing to change, is an attitude (ie, being insecure etc), after which our behaviours will naturally follow. My advice would be to practice this tonight, with a positive, realistic, non judgmental end goal.

Either that, or maintain relative panic, negative feelings, coloured/tainted experiential memories and insecurities.

This is something to apply to wider life in general - it is NOT easy... but it isn't MEANT to be, as nothing that is worthwhile, or noteworthy in life ever is... it wouldn't stick, or have real meaning if it was.

Go easier on yourselves - you were both at the behest of an awkward situation, that caught you on the hop - I doubt it is an accurate or true reflection of how you feel for each other. We're human, it happens :)

I wish you all the best!
TheMan
 
pluk said:
A friend just turned up on the doorstep crying her eyes out because her longterm boyfriend dumped her very much out of the blue and very finally, poor girl. What do you do? There is basically nothing I can say to make her feel better.
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Hey Pluk,

Most of us have experienced this at one point in our lives, it's never nice, I think the important thing here is to just be a friend. There is a natural progression of emotions your friend will go through, the time to worry is if in a few weeks, she has not gone through those natural feelings and is still in a big slump with no signs of getting better.

The fact you are on here, talking to others, to me anyway just shows how much you care, and how lucky she is to have such a wonderful friend!

I always suggest doing something that makes you feel happy if they're up to it - otherwise, just being there for them at a difficult time can mean so much.

Only my opinions as always though!

Kindest
TheMan
 
66359_415488135173461_2054427326_n.jpg


Woke up this morning to find my wing mirror in that state. I am not at all happy. No details left on my car so I'm really angry having to fork out the money now to repair it. :mad:
 
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