Sorry bout the long post ahead, but i'm in a bit of an odd situation.
I don't think I have really discussed it much on here, but earlier this week I have flown out to Orlando for a year on the Disney International College Program. I know the reaction most enthusiasts give is "wow, no way, thats awesome..." etc, etc, but naturally as much as its exciting and awesome being so close and having free entry to all the parks at WDW, I also kind of psyched myself up into a state of worry before going. I know being alone in a foreign country for a year is a daunting prospect for anyone, but with existing social anxiety issues and an irrational fear that I will never meet anyone like me, I almost started dreading having to leave home.
Here I am now almost a week in, and to excuse the obvious joke its been nothing short of a roller coaster. When i'm having it good, its really good and i'm relaxed, confident and thoroughly enjoying myself. The problem is however i'm still really worried and often depressed about the social side of the experience, I have 5 other flatmates and 4/5 are pretty cool, I don't really feel like any of them are much like me and often feel in conversations I struggle to say anything interesting or meaningful, but they don't really intimidate me. It's this fifth guy thats annoying me. He's loud, obnoxious, chauvinistic and immature, every thing he says pretty much is some kind of tasteless pun or one liner and everyone else seems to laugh along and relish in his "banter" whilst I seem to be the only one to see him for the immature prat he is. I honestly dread every time he walks into the room and feel like I just can't hold a conversion on his level, out of fear and principal.
Besides that i've been part of the crowd, headed to the parks and gone to parties and BBQ's etc, but I feel i'm just building a huge network of acquaintances and no lasting friends. Sure, its very early days right now but I still feel quite intimidated when in a large group who I don't know so well, plus I just dread to think what the living situation will be like when people end up coming back in the night time and disturbing me while I want to sleep for work the next day, its not like British halls where I get an individual room away from everything to escape into. This is probably making me sound really anti-fun, which is far from the truth, but I just like to get to know people first before coming out of my shell. I'm in an odd introversion/extraversion purgatory where I really want a group of loyal, close knit friends to live life and enjoy this experience to its fullest, but at the same time I get too nervous in big group outings to truly be myself.
I'm honestly dreading what happens if I end up being that guy stuck with no real friends that goes to the odd event and spends the rest of his time either working or in his room eating takeaways. I've already Skyped home in tears and been looking at flights home as I am really doubting whether I can last a month here, nevermind a year. I know i'm hardly stuck here and can quit anytime I want, but why throw away the opportunity? I guess i'll just have to stick it out a few moths, and see where I am from there. If i'm well and truly miserable I can come home, but I guess its useless being so pessimistic at this stage.
Yeah, this probably sounded quite melodramatic and self indulgent, but i've just kind of used this as a platform to vent all the conflicting feelings i've built up across the course of the week. As I said, i'm just in a bit of a weird roller coaster of a situation and could use some reassurance things will get better. Has anyone ever been in a similar situation?
