The I Feel Down Topic.

[IanSR]

They got outstanding in the recent Ofsted inspection, fat load of truth that is...

So did my son's school, that hasn't stopped them having double figures of attempted suicides, having outstanding doesn't mean it's a nice place to be. As @DiogoJ42 said, life is so much easier when you don't give a frak. What's the worst that can happen if you fail the course? You can re-sit it? Go get a job? You're gonna have to do that eventually anyway and having 15 letters after your name won't guarantee you won't end up flipping burgers at McDonalds either (my wife's friend used to work in McD, she has more letters after her name than is in it, but finds life is so much easier to do that than what her chosen career was.

You never know, the longer you stay in full time non-university education, the happier your parents might be as you're putting off the inevitable, my other sister (RIP) her kid dropped out of college and has never been so miserable since.

I think the same could be said, to an extent, for all children. I'm 20 and already look back and realise how ungrateful I was for what my parents did for me.

Yeah, all children are ungreatful fraks until they grow up. However I do find constantly giving them everything they want and never saying no doesn't help matters either. My son has been told no, quiet often, he generally appreciates what little he has and says please and thank you. My sister-in-law who is 20 years younger than me, was given everything, never told no, because he mum felt guilty over the way she had bought up my wife, so the younger sibling got everything.

As a result she is a self centered, self obsessed NPD exhibiting *****, but has bought her son up the same way (given him everything, never said no), he has spent so little time in school he can barely speak properly even though he is nearly 13 now, has no respect for anything or anyone, and has been through more phones than I've had hot dinners (becuase the phones get smashed when he doesn't get his way), and although they didn't grace us with their presence (thankfully) when visiting the area the other week, they did go to an old friend of hers and we heard that when she (my sister-in-law) said no to him becuase he wanted to go outside, he punched her.

So yeah, let that be a lesson to you on what happens if you never say no to a child (extreme example, I know) and as already said, life is so much easier when you don't give a frak what others think, do or expect of you, I'm self employed and have two phones, one for work, one for pleasure, I turn the work one off at 5pm every day and don't have an answer machine on it, plus it goes off at 5 on a Friday and isn't switched on again until 9am Monday, I make time for myself and my family, if people don't like that I'm not at their beck and call 24/7, tough titties.

 

[USLShadow]

So did my son's school, that hasn't stopped them having double figures of attempted suicides, having outstanding doesn't mean it's a nice place to be. As @DiogoJ42 said, life is so much easier when you don't give a frak. What's the worst that can happen if you fail the course? You can re-sit it? Go get a job? You're gonna have to do that eventually anyway and having 15 letters after your name won't guarantee you won't end up flipping burgers at McDonalds either (my wife's friend used to work in McD, she has more letters after her name than is in it, but finds life is so much easier to do that than what her chosen career was.

You never know, the longer you stay in full time non-university education, the happier your parents might be as you're putting off the inevitable, my other sister (RIP) her kid dropped out of college and has never been so miserable since.



Yeah, all children are ungreatful fraks until they grow up. However I do find constantly giving them everything they want and never saying no doesn't help matters either. My son has been told no, quiet often, he generally appreciates what little he has and says please and thank you. My sister-in-law who is 20 years younger than me, was given everything, never told no, because he mum felt guilty over the way she had bought up my wife, so the younger sibling got everything.

As a result she is a self centered, self obsessed NPD exhibiting *****, but has bought her son up the same way (given him everything, never said no), he has spent so little time in school he can barely speak properly even though he is nearly 13 now, has no respect for anything or anyone, and has been through more phones than I've had hot dinner, and although they didn't grace us with their presence when visiting the area the other week, they did go to an old friend of hers and we heard that when she (my sister-in-law) said no to him becuase he wanted to go outside, he punched her in the face.

So yeah, let that be a lesson to you on what happens if you never say no to a child, and as already said, life is so much easier when you don't give a fear what others think, do or expect of you, I'm self employed and have two phones, one for work, one for pleasure, I turn the work one off and don't have an answer machine on it, if people don't like that I'm not at their beck and call 24/7, tough titties.

The problem I have on the face of the step son is his blood father doesn’t say no, where as perticularly me, but me and the partner do, so it’s like a constant never ending battle with it aha.

@BeccaH Ofsted is also the biggest load of steaming poop I’ve ever seen in my life. They wouldn’t know the difference between a good school and a poor one if it hit them in the face. Most of there rating is based on the paper work behind the scenes anyway.


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[IanSR]

The problem I have on the face of the step son is his blood father doesn’t say no, where as perticularly me, but me and the partner do, so it’s like a constant never ending battle with it aha.

@BeccaH Ofsted is also the biggest load of steaming poop I’ve ever seen in my life. They wouldn’t know the difference between a good school and a poor one if it hit them in the face. Most of there rating is based on the paper work behind the scenes anyway.


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Yeah I feel your pain and agree on OFSTED, their assessments are mostly made on exam results and attendance, not student wellbeing. My son is SEN, and I remember back when OFSTED told the schools when they were inspecting, his (primary) school gave him the day off because they didn't want him to feel pressured to not fiddle or sit under the desk reading a book (in other words it was better for them that he wasn't there as they wouldn't get marked down for not being able to cope with him - fortunately a lot of behavour therapy and no ritilin drugs has helped him enormously to the point where you'd never know now) but their attitude everytime OFSTED rocked up was disgraceful.

I'm not a step-parent so not really qualified to pass judgement, but I know a lot who are and it's always one of the same three scenarios, the absent parent either just doesn't give **** and has no involvement, or they are involved and their goal in life is to do everything to make your life difficult by doing everything with the kid that you don't want, or they shower the kid in gifts and generally spoil them rotten to try and make up for their absense, or even a mixture of the above.

 

[delta79]

The problem I have on the face of the step son is his blood father doesn’t say no, where as perticularly me, but me and the partner do, so it’s like a constant never ending battle with it aha.

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The other parent is can be great or ****.
I got the stepkids to call me by my name, telling them replacing their dad.

Their dad was the opposite. He almost never said yes. We had reminding him he had kids, when they wanted to see him he would not have the decency of telling them himself. He always left it to us.

So we were the bad guys. One day the step lad took £20 and my push bike and headed off to see him.
I caught up with the lad at the station waiting for a train. He was kicking off saying i was going to stop him.
I said he could go if he answered one question correctly, how do you get there.

He looked confused told he how. And ask if i would stop him. I replied we are not the one stopping you.

2 hrs later he arrive home in a police car as his dad had reported him as a missing child.



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[Panda]

Sorry to use this topic so soon after joining, I really don't want to seem like a drain on everyone's happiness.
I'm in my second year of a-levels (RE, English literature, government & politics) and I'm finding it so difficult. I struggle with politics and I've started going from Cs to Es. My teacher won't give me any support, and tells me to get a grip when I ask for help. I just feel completely overwhelmed and exhausted by it all.
I used to want to go to university to study English literature and education studies but I've been completely put off because I don't think I can do it. I can't do college so in my head I'm a failure and shouldn't waste the staff's time at university. I'm completely lost on what I want to do and I feel like a disappointment to other people.
Sorry to be a downer, but I needed to get some of that off my chest.

Oh man, I used this exact topic and group of people 4 years ago for something so very similar. I have 4 GCSEs but also a degree in Mechanical Engineering.

I don't want to echo what some others have commented as it's a really difficult situation unless you've actually been through it. Right now, it's going to feel like a complete emotional drain, but I absolutely promise that University is a completely different environment. Universities actually have dedicated teams that assist students, ensuring extended deadlines, additional tutoring, extra material etc when required. I find that lecturers see you as adults, whereas school/colleges still treat you like children.

Take some time to look after yourself, as its so important, even if it means a few days off from college. A Levels are hideously pressuring and you won't suffer much from a short break. Take it a step at a time as there is always a next step after your results.

 

[BeccaH]

Thank you so much

 

[The Cardinal]

Hey guys,

I know I'm new here but the enthusiast community seems really cool and understanding so I figured I'd post this here.

I've been feeling down recently. I think it's because I've not been doing much so I have more time to think about things. I've been struggling to get a job since I graduated university in October. I'm lucky to get 10 hours a week at my current retail job as it's seasonal. When I first joined uni I never anticipated it being this hard out there. I've been applying everyday to opportunities all over the place. I get interviews and then I just hear the bad news that I'm not progressing to the next stage. It's draining.

It doesn't help what's going on around me either. My parents are constantly pressuring me - which I understand but it just adds to my stress and makes me feel more useless when getting rejected. My girlfriend has moved in with me and my parents too which hasn't gone down well. I think it's a lot for them having us around the house so much and they only agreed she'd move in to allow us to save money for a house. What sucks is I'm hardly getting any money in from work at the moment so she's doing a lot of the saving, I try to save what I can but it's difficult. My girlfriend also suffers with epilepsy which can be stressful, she had her first seizure in months tonight and it's horrible having to see her like that.

Anyways, I've been looking forward to get away from it in April with our trip to Alton Towers, fingers crossed it'll be open. I live down south so it's quite the adventure staying up there for a few days. Hopefully coronavirus doesn't impact it. But yeah, I've not been feeling amazing recently which kinda sucks as I've always seen myself as a somewhat optimistic person. Just sucks seeing loads of people at my age (21) rolling money in and I'm getting nothing. Hope
that wasn't too much of a bore to read

 

[DiogoJ42]

Welcome to adulthood buddy.

It gets better.


Honest.

 

[rob666]

Practical stuff other than hang on in there...
Any hobbies you can turn into cash?
I turned my hobby of gardening into a well paid job with a few home made leaflets.
Put an advert in a local posh shop for domestic help or similar, or offer to teach your graduation topic, home tuition is all the rage, and expensive.
You would get your hourly rate up to double your retail rate within a couple of years.
Word of mouth means natural expansion.
Hold on to the other job as well for holiday pay, mortgage applications and minor sickness protection.
Tax allowances and expenses can make part time working lucrative and enjoyable...just record everything and be completely honest and open about your hours and expenses.
Self employment is something lots of people just don't consider.

 

[bluesonichd]

Welcome to adulthood buddy.

It gets better.


Honest.

Are you sure about that?

Life’s just one long downward spiral from the moment you are born

All you can do is make the most of it.
Stay miserable in the knowledge that everyone is miserable too , even if they don’t show it.
They are. They just haven’t expected it yet

 

[The Cardinal]

Cheers guys, the advice does help, I'll get used to the real world eventually

I have been gaining experience for some time now on a magazine where I've been contributing. It's free work but it expands my portfolio and stops me from going completely crazy. I might start advertising for writing work though, as there's no harm in trying to get paid work from doing what I love. That's actually something I hadn't considered either so cheers for the advice @rob666

 

[Britford]

Are you sure about that?

Life’s just one long downward spiral from the moment you are born

All you can do is make the most of it.
Stay miserable in the knowledge that everyone is miserable too , even if they don’t show it.
They are. They just haven’t expected it yet

Wow...i can't tell if that was really insightful, or trolling gone wrong...I think...i agree with the base sentiment?

But seriously, that makes a strange amount of sense so watch your wording and implication, if the wrong person sees that at the wrong time...ect.

 

[rob666]

Life is a sexually transmitted, terminal disease.
Once you understand that, and accept it, things sometimes get better.

 

[IanSR]

Life is like a box of chocolates.....

Oh we're not playing name that film?

But he/she is right, life isn't unicorns and fairies and unless you are born into fortune, everything will be a struggle, like others have said, once you stop giving a **** it'll become so much easier and less stressful. I used to be in that situation, I'd spend 18 hours s day running round after people, bending over backwards to help them, neglecting my family all to chase the dream - I was as miserable as sin, had no interests outside of work and in the rare occasions I had down time, just slept, we didn't have a holiday for 15 years.

Then the bank did something that made me see life in a completely different light, we eventually lost everything as a result, our income, our business, our home, all we were left with was a small amount of savings, a car and a couple loyal customers. We decided we would live within our means and play by our rules, do what we wanted, we both discovered old hobbies, reconnected with old friends, saved up, went on holidays etc. etc. Yeah we have far less, but we are sooo much happier and I dare say it, more free.

Make the most out of life, you only have one.

Oh and most of those other 21 year olds you see rolling in money? It's usually someone else's money and will, eventually, need to be paid back. You don't see what they're like at home behind closed doors, they could be tinkering on the edge for all you know, we used to have a neighbour like that, always rolling in money, flash cars etc. It all caught up with her in the end now she lives in a bed sit and is bankrupt becuase the bank eventually asked her to pay back the overdraft she was living on.

 

[Tibble]

Hey guys,

I know I'm new here but the enthusiast community seems really cool and understanding so I figured I'd post this here.

I've been feeling down recently. I think it's because I've not been doing much so I have more time to think about things. I've been struggling to get a job since I graduated university in October. I'm lucky to get 10 hours a week at my current retail job as it's seasonal. When I first joined uni I never anticipated it being this hard out there. I've been applying everyday to opportunities all over the place. I get interviews and then I just hear the bad news that I'm not progressing to the next stage. It's draining.

It doesn't help what's going on around me either. My parents are constantly pressuring me - which I understand but it just adds to my stress and makes me feel more useless when getting rejected. My girlfriend has moved in with me and my parents too which hasn't gone down well. I think it's a lot for them having us around the house so much and they only agreed she'd move in to allow us to save money for a house. What sucks is I'm hardly getting any money in from work at the moment so she's doing a lot of the saving, I try to save what I can but it's difficult. My girlfriend also suffers with epilepsy which can be stressful, she had her first seizure in months tonight and it's horrible having to see her like that.

Anyways, I've been looking forward to get away from it in April with our trip to Alton Towers, fingers crossed it'll be open. I live down south so it's quite the adventure staying up there for a few days. Hopefully coronavirus doesn't impact it. But yeah, I've not been feeling amazing recently which kinda sucks as I've always seen myself as a somewhat optimistic person. Just sucks seeing loads of people at my age (21) rolling money in and I'm getting nothing. Hope
that wasn't too much of a bore to read

Keep going with the job search. I dropped out of uni and thought I would never get a job in development. My friend also finished uni with a 2:1 and struggled. All it takes is 1 company to take the chance on you. But in the mean time apply for anything in the field. At the end of the day the worst thing they can say is no.

It can be really disheartening. My ex and myself lived with her parents for 2 years before we got our own place. I was working at B&Q and she was working at a pub. But you just gotta keep pushing. I think I applied for 100 jobs before I got my first one. Then once you are in it is so much easier

 

[DiogoJ42]

Are you sure about that?

Life’s just one long downward spiral from the moment you are born

All you can do is make the most of it.
Stay miserable in the knowledge that everyone is miserable too , even if they don’t show it.
They are. They just haven’t expected it yet

What the hell am I supposed to do? Tell the kid the truth?

 

[The Cardinal]

Thanks for all the responses everyone it does help a lot. I'm just going to keep applying then hopefully I'll eventually get something!

 

[MattyH]

I've been feeling down recently. I think it's because I've not been doing much so I have more time to think about things. I've been struggling to get a job since I graduated university in October. I'm lucky to get 10 hours a week at my current retail job as it's seasonal. When I first joined uni I never anticipated it being this hard out there. I've been applying everyday to opportunities all over the place. I get interviews and then I just hear the bad news that I'm not progressing to the next stage. It's draining.

I don't know what your degree is in, but I graduated with a science degree in 2016, since then I've had 6 months of lab experience. I currently work a zero hours contract minimum wage seasonal job. Had loads of interviews and none successful.

It's difficult, not getting positions is stressful. Luckily I have very supportive parents who are accepting of my circumstances, of my friends from uni I know, a lot haven't managed to get positions in the field they studied. Do you drive? I have found this has been the reason for a lot of rejections from companies.

 

[The Cardinal]

I don't know what your degree is in, but I graduated with a science degree in 2016, since then I've had 6 months of lab experience. I currently work a zero hours contract minimum wage seasonal job. Had loads of interviews and none successful.

It's difficult, not getting positions is stressful. Luckily I have very supportive parents who are accepting of my circumstances, of my friends from uni I know, a lot haven't managed to get positions in the field they studied. Do you drive? I have found this has been the reason for a lot of rejections from companies.

Yeah, I don't drive and that's definitely been an issue with some jobs. I had an impact on somewhere I had an interview with; you couldn't get there unless you drive, so I had to reject it. Felt like a waste but it had to be done. The trouble is, these companies expect you to drive but that's difficult on a minimum wage job especially with lessons, insurance, etc.

 

[Tibble]

Whereas a uni degree use to be quite prestigious, I think now with the amount of people going and getting 1st and 2:1, they arent seen as the brilliant diplomas they once were. I know a lot of graduates who had to go into junior roles and work their way up because companies want experience too.